I know you are looking for expert advice. I'm not an expert, but I'm here for you and here to support you. I often feel the same way as you and wonder my family accepts me this way as I live life in agonizing pain. I'm sorry to say, but there is no way a doctor will be able to perform the task you seek. Please reconsider this option and look for another doctor to help you. There has to be someone who can give you the relief you need. My heart goes out to you. Life is very much worth living. You have family and friends that care for you very much.
Please know we are here to talk to, listen, empathize and not judge... so many of us feel daily pain just as you do. My back pain began 12 years ago - Can you tell us a little about your pain, diagnosis? You mention that you are getting the run a round, what kind of doctors have you seen? Have you been denied treatments or are you unable to accept them (perhaps for physical reasons)? What are you currently taking for pain management?
Sorry for so many questions, I did look at your previous posts to try to get an idea of where you are today. I feel for you, really.... Unless someone can walk a mile in our shoes, they do not know the black cloud of pain that follows us everywhere.
Maybe we can help by sharing our own experiences - I have found the people here have been through it all. Just when someone thinks, "I am the only one who..." someone else jumps in and says, "me too!!" .
Shoulders to lean on are important -
Let us be that shoulder today.
Welcome to the Pain Mangement Forum. I am so glad that you posted. I am so very sorry to hear about your untreated chronic pain. So Sorry! My heart goes out to you.
As RunningMom said there are no experts on this forum. However if experience with living or trying to live with long term Chronic Pain makes us experts than that we are!!
You sound exactly like I did some eight years ago. I can empathize with your situation. I promise you I was at your point. I had a date and a plan. I had untreated, undiagnosed irretractable pain. I felt life was not worth living. I was just a few months from "my date." I will repeat my story at the risk of boring our long time members in hopes that it will give you hope and know that there are answers out there for you.
For over ten years I struggled with chronic pain. No specialist, no PCP could determine the source. It was all in my head or I was a drug seeker. "Learn to live with it" I heard dozens of times. I gave up. I quit complaining. The PCP I had had for several years and didn't like left the clinic. I developed a kidney stone and ended up in ER. I had to "select" a new PCP to follow up with the stones. It was an female Internal Medicine D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy). The stone had passed and as I was about to leave my first appt she put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Why are you still in pain?" Very surprised by her question this non-crier began to cry and the whole story came pouring out. I finished it with, "Now can I go?" She was near tears herself and said yes I could go but she wanted to see me "next week" for an complete exam and oh by the way here's a RX for Vicodin to keep you going till then. I almost passed out.
I'll try to shorten this story by telling you that the next week her exam came up with Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction (SIJD). I asked how she new I had pain and she said first from the lines of pain in my face and second with the exam she could "feel" the pain. Feel the pain? Yes D.O.'s are trained to feel the structure and abnormalities of our bodies. I asked why no one before her beleived me. She said because I was a well dressed, educated professional and beause of this most physicians tend to dismiss pain in functioning ppl, unless it is obvious and staring them in the face.
Thank God for physicians like her. I have since had a definitive diagnostic procedure that "proved" I have SIJD. Now all physicians beleive me. I am treated with opiate therapy as there is no cure for by condition. It went far to long undiagnosed and untreated or there may have been some help for me. SIJD is under diagnosed and often unrecognized as a pain producer. Physicians look for everything else but the SIJ. True SIJD is a bit rare but more ppl have it than know it.
The point of my story is there is hope out there. There are physicians that will treat you. You can't ever give up because that treatment may be just around the corner as it was for me. I am sure that ppl love you and count on your love. Why would you want to leave them in a life without you. I don't think suicide is selfish. I just think that often that person loses all hope. As long as you breath there is hope.
I see that you live in VA. Does your state require that you consult a PMP (pain management physician) to prescribe opiates? If so keep looking for the PMP. I promise you that they are out there. If not keep searching for a PCP that will treat you. What is your diagnosis? Searching for a physician is not considered doctor shopping. Doctor Shopping is when you go from physician to physician and obtain multiple opiate prescriptions.
As RunningMom said life is worth living or to put it another way, life can be worth living. You just need to locate a physician that will beleive in you and treat you. It can be difficult but it is not impossible.
You will not find a physician that will willingly assist you in suicide. Even in the most dire conditions it is still illegal. Unassisted suicide will render your organs use less.
Talk to us. Please share with us your diagnosis and what you have done to seek treatment. What kinds of physicians have you seen? We are not experts and we cannot recommend a specific physician...but we have been around the park a few times. We may be able to offer you some suggestions that we get you to a physician that will treat you. We've been there and honestly most of us can relate to your frustation and desire to throw in the towel. Please give us the opportunity to offer you some suggestions.
I'll look forward to hearing from you soon. Bless you and please don't give up. We are here to offer support, information and suggestions. Please allow us to do so.
I'm so sorry that you are this far down to be considering Doctor Assisted Euthanasia.
I went back and read your older posts and understand where your frustrations are coming from.
Your Doctors aren't getting you to the correct Dr. for your Pain. I know that you have RA and DDD as well as Migraines and other problems (sorry I didn't write them down as I was on a hurry to get back to post to you).
What you have run into is that Rheumatologists, PCP's, Neurologists, etc DON'T give out Pain Medications. You need to be referred to a PM (Pain Management) Clinic or Doctor for that. The reason being is the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) that monitors our Doctors to be sure that the Drug Addicts aren't getting meds thru them to resell on the streets. (YES, it does happen and as you noted in another of your posts it RUINS it for people like you AND me AND everyone else on this Forum and elsewhere that ARE ligitimate CP (Chronic Pain) Patients that DESPERATELY need our Pain meds just to be able to daily functions such as taking care of a family, working, or just being able to go to the grocery store.)
Please go back to your PCP and tell him/her to refer you to a PM Dr. or PM Clinic that can help you with your pain. Tell him/her that ALL you wnat is to be able to live your life the way that you did BEFORE your diagnosis that has so terribly debilitated your entire body.
If she won't help then go to your Rheumatologist (if you don't have one for your RA, then GET one, mine's the one that sent me to my PM Dr..
Please get on the phone today and don't take NO for an answer. YOU have to be your own adversary when it comes to your medical health.
YOU can do this!! I know that you can. You are NOT a quitter. I've read your other posts.
You know that we are here for you ALWAYS so please come on here and VENT and YELL and SCREAM and CRY or ANYTHING you WANT to do because -
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!
Please let us know how it goes and what your Dr.'s say. If they won't for some reason refer you - then YOU call the PM Dr.'s. SOMTIMES you don't need a referral. Get ALL of your medical history from your Dr.'s and take it with you. You will need it. It sometimes takes awhile to get in to see them because they are booked ahead. BUT - DON'T GIVE UP!!!
Remember we are ALL here for YOU!!! PLEASE keep us posted as to what you discover and updated on your progress.
WE ARE HERE AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU......Sherry
I'm SOOO sorry , I meant to type was:
YOU have to be your own ADVOCATE when is comes to your health!!
I didn't mean adversary. I was trying to type so fast to post back to you that I got my words wrong. SORRY..:)
Looking forward to hearing from you....Sherry
Thank you each one of you for your responses. You will have to bear with me because my eyes are a bit foggy and I'm ruining my keyboard with all this water running off my face. All the sudden my eyes have turned into unleashed dams!!!
I've tried so desperately to stay upbeat throughout my whole ordeal. It's been a long and often lonely road. I'll try to summarize as best I can tomorrow, but right now I am just hurting so very badly I can hardly sit, let alone think. But I want you to know that I greatly appreciate your words of encouragement and support.