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Avatar universal

Pain med abuse

This is my first post.  I could not figure out how to get a post in the Dr. forum, so I'll post here and try to get some advice.

This is not about me, it's about my neighbor. (really.)  She has been on pain meds for about 2.5 years.  Had knee surgery, hurt her arm.  She's 5"'7"  100lbs, and bones like glass.  Living off workman's comp and doing anything to keep that going, had all the surgeries etc.  Also just recently diagnoised Hypo Manic.

Three weeks ago she took a full script of hydrocodone and ambien because she couldn't sleep.  Wasn't trying to kill herself, just trying to get sleep and get high.  Spent 2 days in ICU and was sent home.

Her doctor told her she couldn't write for her anymore after what happened.

Now she tells me this same doctor sent her to a pain management clinic about 70 miles from here and the pain doc now has her on OXYcodone and morphine for sleep.  She told me the doctor knows she took two full scripts of narcotics and was in the hospital.

I feel I am being lied to on a grand scale!  Would a pain management doctor really take her to another level of meds after she was in the hospital for serious abuse?

She is a serious drug seeker.  I have never seen her in what I would call very bad pain.  I just don't believe a word and can't prove I am being lied too.  HELP!

You can say this is not my problem, but we are friends.  Walk dogs together and other things.  I was married to a bi-polar and her behavior is so like his.  Should I call her out on all her lies?  Am I being lied to?  Would a pain doctor really write these meds with her history?
47 Responses
Avatar universal
I'm so glad that you ended the "Friendship" or shall we call it an "unfriendship"!! You will be so much better off emotionally.

You can move (hopefully) soon and meet some wonderful "NORMAL" neighbors and start some healthy new neighborhood Friendships!! You did everything in your power to help her but she just doesn't want to be helped.

People who choose to live like this live in "their own little world" and don't care anything at all about anyone other than themselves. Be GRATEFUL that you aren't like her!! You have some wonderful friends that truly care about you and you don't have to babysit because they are emotionally spent. I

t brings to mind the VERY old saying that I'm sure EVERYONE'S parents taught them and that is "BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I". If ever it had meaning I would say that this is the time!!

Congratulations!!! Please keep us updated on how you are doing as we truly care about you...Sherry

1301089 tn?1290666571
Hi Kim:  You are a very good friend.  It's obvious that you care about your friend and that's admirable.  

I've had some experience with bipolar drug seekers.  First, DO NOT confront her.  That's for your own safety.  And it won't do a bit of good.  As to whether or not she's in pain, that can be deceiving.  Many of us are accomplished actors when it comes to putting on a fake face of not hurting.  There is still a taboo in our society about talking about one's physical pain.

If the pain doctor is a reputable one, she wouldn't have prescribed for her if there weren't extreme overriding pain problems.  Unresolved pain issues can drive some people to extreme behaviors.

Personally, I'd just leave this one alone.  Just be a good friend to her.  Any intervention on your part could jeopardize your own personal safety..

I wish I had a better reply.  Hopefully, someone wiser than I will come on later who can give you a good plan of action.

Sara
356518 tn?1322263642
As Sara said we all tend to hide our pain so to say she is not hurting is not really a fair statement as you really can't know for sure. My own family doesn't know when I am in pain as I try and hide it so they do not worry.
My neighbor is my best friend too so I know your concerned.
I do not think a reputable PM doctor would prescibe those medicines after her taking an over dose. I think they would give her maybe a weeks worth if she truly needed them at a time until they felt they could trust her. I am afraid she was less than truthful with her new PM doctor.
I have never met  PM doctor or any doctor that would prescibe those meds to someone who had just overdosed and I have been dealing with pain for over twenty years.
I do not know how to tell you to address it with her. Maybe you can try and find some current news articles about this and of people dying from these meds and bring that up to her and see if that leads to her opening up a bit for you to continue the conversation.
She has a great friend:)
She is welcome here too!
1271743 tn?1320892461
If the doctor didn't know about the abuse maybe... in some states there is no tracking system.  Sounds like classic doctor shopping but I would not accuse her or she won't tell you anything again. She will hide it especially if you are right.  My doctor prescribed me Oxycodone and Morphine but I have been on meds for years and have a rod in my right ankle (it is fused).  None of it was prescribed for sleep.  You mentioned that it was prescribed for sleep... I don't know why it would be unless it was so she won't hurt and can sleep.  What dose is she taking do you know?  The combination can be deadly! Is she swallowing the tablets or chewing them or how is she taking them? Is she seeking because she is hurting or to get high? or are you not sure?
1315260 tn?1275662446
You got it ladies... concensus has it, no PM Physician would knowingly prescribe potentially deadly narcotics to anyone who had just O.D. This doctor, if nothing else, has the notes from the Referral Doctor, which I'm quite sure, chronicled the events that led her to discharge this women from her PM care. I do hope this new Doctor will see the need to recommend appropriate follow up care, for any other issues that may be contributing to acts as you have spelled out for us. It's vital that she get the help she need's, or of course, this destructive and potentially deadly acts will occur again. I hope and pray that will not be the case. I find it a miracle that anyone would survive a full script of Ambein and Vico's. Lucky indeed!!  Maybe for a reason, Uh??

I do like the statement Sara made, when she said, "   Many of us are accomplished actors when it comes to putting on a fake face of not hurting.  There is still a taboo in our society about talking about one's physical pain."  
Fact is, that's exactly the way it is for most all, chronic pain sufferers. So, just be a friend to your neighbor, as she in most likely in need of any she can get. Think of yourself as a kind of, Guardian Angel. Hoover about, but keep a safe distance. However, should you come about an act, as you told us about, or a verbal threat to do the same, well then it will be nesc. to call 911 and make it a part of the record.

If she had lied to you, don't take it heart. She's in a world of misery right now. Be the bright point in her day. We all need that person who we know, truly cares for our well being. Keep us updated... Good Looken Out!!!
Take Care, Pierre
Avatar universal
I agree with Sarajmt. Speically of the personal safety point, I became a victom of home invasion all because I was friends with some one and her partner some how got it in his head that I was trying to make his girl friend take there kids and leave him. Which not true we just haveing a catalogue party that day at my house. I suspected her partner was either OCD or paranoide schziphrenic for a while before that day and I got my answer that night it was not OCD as people with OCD would never do something like that.

I also have a friend that is a compulsive lier, she amazingly had breast cancer and surgery with no having a single day away from me. Dont know how she thought that would make sence. I ignore her lie's I'm not going to confront her about them I could end up being the one hurt her partner does drug's the last friend to chalange her on lie's became the target of her anger and her boy friends anger, while this was nothing violent she's my only friend right now and her lies are not hurting my life so I'm leaving it alone.

What you do need to be up to you it really does. People cant make desicions for you it would be so much easier(not really in my oppinion) but it's some thing you have to be able to live with and come out the other side from.

I agree that we hide our pain I have been in pain in some many ways my whole life. Yet I only recently at 32 asked for help with the pain for fear of being accused of being a hyperchindract. I can be smilling a lot when I in pain cause if I dont smile I will want to scream and cry and fall apart. I also smile alot when I dealing with mental/emotional pain as well. This has always made me a target when I finally crashed out and could no longer hide my problems. People would say I was faking all the time. I was joking and laughing while my now 5y who was not quite 1y at the time was in serious resportory distress and 1 week later when he was well again I fell compleatly apart as I finally no longer had to hold my self together for him. the same thing happened when I had to deal with a baby having a febral convoltion people saw me as the rock the person who held it together and did every thing right for the baby but when I fell apart a week later people made me feel horrable for looking for a bit of support. I cant let my self fall apart till everyone els is fine. Then when I finally fall apart people seem to see it as if I looking for attention like I'm copying or something.

You just don't know for sure with people.
1301089 tn?1290666571
I'd like to touch on dealing with someone who could be bipolar and/or schizophrenic.  

I was once close to someone who was bipolar and had drug induced schizophrenia.  Her behavior became extremely erratic.  She would make up stories about people and events that couldn't have possibly been true.  But she completely believed them or at least she did until the next story.  She'd write long ranting letters and make long ranting calls to perceived enemies.  And finally she did become violent.

She has so far been able to avoid prison and being committed.  But either of those would have been a blessing to her.  But no one would do it.  I had no standing and couldn't.  She did every drug known to mankind for years and I guess is still is.

She is my sister.  I guess she's still alive.  I don't know and frankly don't want to know.  I can't handle her and can't have her anywhere near my family.  I know it sounds cold.  It wasn't a sudden or easy decision.  I do still love my sister.  Or at least the sister I knew before the drugs.

So please be very careful dealing with these people.  If they do get it in their heads that you're conspiring against them, the consequences could be dire.  I know.  I've seen it.

Sara
1187071 tn?1279369698
I would say just be her friend and not get in the middle of it. If she is taking to many meds and runs out the dr will know cause she will with drawl from them. I agree for your own safety to leave this one alone, what she is doing is her choice and god forbid something would happen but you have to be very careful with pain meds.
Good luck to you and your friend.
Jamie
Sara I am so sorry about your sister. My brother isn't bipolar but he is a bad druggie. he has been in and out of jail since the age of 12 he is in jail right now and that is the best place for him. He would steal my stuff growing up and sell it for money for drugs. He broke in to my car to steal my change and one day I busted him trying to steal something of mine and he beat the living s*it out of me. I don't talk to him much anymore i don't want him around my family I would rather him be in jail. A couple of weeks ago he was busted stealing his sons valuim and he was living with my mom at the time (my mom is raising his son) 17 pills came up missing so she told him to be out by tuesday. later that day she busted him stealing money from her purse and my dad threw his butt out right then and there. His son has bad panic attacks and had to go without his meds cause his dad took them. That is so freaking low and that is why I don't talk to my own brother, he choose this life so he also loses his family too.
Jamie
Avatar universal
Do you know who her pain doctor is?  I know my best friend and I tend to go to each other doctor's appointments with each other.  Maybe you can talk to her, see who the doctor is and when she has another doctor appointment and mention that you'd like to go with her because she's your best friend and (you may have to tell a white lie or two) and see if you could possibly go with her to the appointment.  My best friend here in Kansas goes into the room with me and listens to what my doctor will say to me.  I do agree with the other posts here, I'm not sure that the PM doctor would give her that kind of medication, especially after an overdose.  I'm hoping that maybe you could go in with her and see what she's telling the doctor, and if you possibly can maybe interact with the doctor a little and see what's happening. You may be saving her life.  Please keep us posted on this, as we do care about what happens with people on this forum.  You will notice that most of us are becoming very close to each other because we all share something in common that has devastated a part of our life.  
1301089 tn?1290666571
Sunkitty80's suggestion sounds good.  If you want to get involved.  If you choose to get involve, that would be a good way to go about it.

Jamie:  I'm sorry about your brother.  We've all seen examples of toxic people in this forum.  (I am NOT saying that a forum member is toxic).  You have to cut them loose or they will take you down with them.  Sad situation any way you look at it.
547368 tn?1440541785
Hello Kim,

Welcome to the Pain Mangement Forum. I am sorry to hear about your friend and her struggles. You are a good friend to be concerned with her well being and she is fortunate to have you.

I agree that you should not confront her. And was she like this before the medications and chronic pain began? Or are these new symptoms since the onset of the chronic pain or injury? Time will tell if she indeed has a mental disorder or if her actions are related to the stress of the pain and injury and the medications.

It is not uncommon for a person with extreme pain and lack of sleep to OD, for a multiple of reasons. Sometimes it is an attempt to end one's life but for what reason? None of us know if her pain was so untreated that she could simply not stand another night or day of it. Neither do we  know her inner thoughts.

I think you mean your friend has. Hypomania. It can be a side effect of numerous medications. People that suffer from severe depression who experience hypomania as a side effect of (for example) of an antidepressant, may have a form of bipolar disorder.  However, drug-induced hypomania is not invariably indicative of bipolar disorders. So your friend may not suffer from a true bipolar disorder.

I know I am going out on a limb here but I disagree with the assumption that a PMP would not provide opiates to a chronic pain patient who over dosed. Again I think much depends on the reasons behind the OD. Many ppl know the extensive protocol that is required before a PMP will even prescribe an opiate. They will insist on previous medical records and often a psych consult. Your friend could not have hidden the hospitalization from the PMP.  But my comments are just based on my experience with the medical system and my personal opinion.

I don't agree that you should go with her to her PMP appointments. What do you have to add?  Chronic Pain (CP) is very individualized. Ppl that see me, especially my neighbors may not guess that I have CP. As someone mentioned pain management and requiring medications to manage pain is still a taboo subject. It is not widely accepted or understood in the general public. Unfortunately too many ppl still see us as addicts or drug abusers. Most cannot understand unless they have been there. It's just a fact, just as you are caringly questioning your friend's pain levels.

I am not going into my chronic pain and the documented reasons I have for it. But an example of understanding can be better understood my the reaction of my two sons. I am a young grandma, my first child was born when I was 15. I was kicking a ball (for a very short time) with my 4 year old grandson who begged me to play ball with him. One son laughed and said, "I told you she just liked the drugs." The other son called out to me and said, "Mom don't do that. You'll be in so much pain you won't be able to walk later." The second son was correct. But I took that chance because I love my only grandson and couldn't resist his repeated pleas to "Play ball with me Grandma." I indeed suffered with elevated and extreme pain later that day.

So one can judge another person's pain level just by actions or activity alone. As on poster said, we are great actors.

I would continue to be a friend to your neighbor. I'll bet she values you friendship and companionship. However I would observe her for any behavior that you deem very abnormal or psychotic; if that occurs you will have some decisions to make not just for her but for your own well-being. Having a caring ear is so important to ppl that suffer with CP. I can hear you concern in your post. She is fortunate to have you right now.

Please feel free to let us know how she is doing. I will look forward to your updates. I wish you and your friend the very best.

Take Care,
~Tuck
Avatar universal
I hope this is where I post and answer back to all of you above who took the time to write very helpful reply's.

Here is a follow-up and answers to some questions.  It might shed a better light.  She is Hypomanic, not Bi polar.

I do know the pain med doctor who she says sent her to the new doctor.  She is my doctor too.  I introduced them!  Would she give me answers if I asked her?  I have thought about doing this.

And yes to all who think so, I am being lied to.  I have a very hard time with that.  I'm not such a great friend either.  When she overdosed, I told her to call 911.  I didn't want anything to do with it.  She called someone else.  Her history is out of control alcoholism.  (She no longer drinks.)  She's been in the hospital for that too.  Now she is into pain meds.  Like I said, she will do anything to keep workman's comp going.  She has been on it for over two years for her arm.  Even she says that no one can work the system like she can.

What really gets me is this.  When she overdosed she was in liver failure from the tylonel (sp) in her system.  She was told it wasn't the hydrocodone or the ambien that  almost killed her.

And yes to the post above.  The doctors couldn't believe she was still standing after taking two whole scripts, but she was!!

Now she keeps saying narcotics aren't harmful, that the doctors told her so.  It's her new belief .  It was the tylonel that is bad!

I've tried to explain otherwise, and of course I'm wrong because the doctors say differently.  Just hearing what she wants.

She is also into the large numbers of addicts in the country.   So many!  it can't be bad.. etc..

Thank you all again.  Do you know if I would get answers from the doctor if I call? Should I call and let the doctor know what she is doing now?  

All answers are great, I am selecting pmartins answer for best answer, covers all ground and might help people on the outside looking in.   In my mind these mental diseases are much harder on us healthy ones who have to deal with it!

  
1323549 tn?1276178147
You Can ask for the information but you wont get any due to the hippa LAw. As it is against medical procedure. A doctor CANT give you information about another patient
1187071 tn?1279369698
Your dr or any of her drs won't tell you anything. That is just the way the law is and if they did they would get into big trouble. I'm not sure if you should tell your dr about what is going on that would be getting in the middle of it and if she was to find out about it, no tellling what would happen. Like i said before I would just be her friend and try to stay out of it. If she happens to do the same stuff she did and then the dr will find out and not treat her anymore and it sounds like that could be the best thing to happen. And if workers comp found out they might go after her also. Not a good life to live is it? And I am also sure that when you reffered her to your dr you had no clue that this would happen so I wouldn't beat your self up over it and I am sure your dr feels the sameway that it isn't her fault at all.
Best of luck to you,
Jamie
Avatar universal
When I go with my best friend to her appointment, I go in the room with her so I hear what they are speaking about.  That was why I mentioned that to you.  Your unsure of what she is telling the doctor, that is a way to find out.  I agree with everyone here, the doctor won't provide you answers by yourself, but it could possibly give you an idea (if you are concerned at what she is telling the doctor) of what may be happening.  I'm glad she pulled through after taking the medication, that must have been very scary to go through two whole prescriptions.  I hope you are able to figue out a way to ease your mind with what is going on.  The truth is though, you may not be able to do much for her, except listen to her and be her friend and try to make sure she's ok.  Keep us posted.
Avatar universal
Thanks you both!  Sunkitty, there is a lot of lying and cover-up going on.  No way would she have me with her at a Dr. appt.

She spent our walk yesterday telling me why she's so normal.  Very draining and hard to deal with.  One thing she knows is that people don't like confrontation so she pushes her will and often gets her way by making others uncomfortable.

And Jam: She told me our doctor sent her way out of town to the pain med clinic because she was embarrassed that she had written so many scripts to her and didn't want it known in the community!  Our mutual doctor is a GP.

If this is true, she couldn't care less that she humiliated our doctor.  If any of you all know addicts, maybe this is classic behavior.  I don't know.  But I find it appalling!

She is a very needy, rude,loud, manipulative, pushy, woman.  A master at putting people on the spot so she can get her own way.

It's upsetting how she can intimidate me into not speaking up while she rants and pushes.  I just find my heart beating faster and I'm unable to speak.  There's just no talking.  It's truly like being run over by a bulldoser!  My brain goes blank.  I think I've had enough.

1187071 tn?1279369698
If things get this bad with her why don't you try to spend less and less time with her? I mean this can't be good for you to go thru this. this isn't you problem and you don't need the stress from it. I know she is a friend but like with my brother, I love him to death but he has messed up so much and been stealing so miuch from me and my parents that I now never want anything to do with him. He always says he will change but he goes back to his old ways and he puts so much stress on my mom that it really makes me so mad. You can never win with people that don't want to get better.
Just like with my dr she has treated me so much since I went to see her for my pain but she says she can't do it long term that is why she sent me to a pain dr.  But when a dr says that she is embarrassed about giving some one so many meds there is a problem. If this is a good pain dr and he finds out she is taking to many meds or taking them wrong he WILL drop her fasted then flys on you know what. I'm sure your Gp was just trying to help this girl out by what she thought was controling her pain, alot of drs have a heart and can't see someone in pain and if your friend can lie that good then your GP didn't think a secong thought about helping her til it got to the point that she was taking to many meds and almost killed herself.
I just think you should spend less and less time with her cause it is causing to much stress on you. you shouldn't have to go thru that, it isn't your problem.
Just thinking about you first,
Jamie
1187071 tn?1279369698
I'm just sitting here wondering if you have seen her off her meds? And if so does she withdrawl from them? How bad does it get?
Once my nerve dr gave me some meds that he said was morphine and something else in it that won't cause me to be depended on them. That is the ONLY reason I agreed to take those pills, well one day I was so so swollen so I called the dr and he told me to stop all my meds. So I flushed them down the toliet cause if they was causing me to swell then I didn't want them plus they wasn't helping my pain at all. And you don't want that stuff in your house, a good reason to get rubbed. Anyway 2 days later I was at the mall with my family and I started hurting everywhere sooo bad. I was crying so my husband took me to the ER they told me I was withdrawling, I said there is no way I was only taking them for 2 weeks, they said sorry but you are, they didn't treat me bad at all like they would someone else cause I had no clue what was going on. I will NEVER touch morphine again. So if she comes off them pills it might get really bad just to give you a heads up. Only told you my story so you could see what they can do to you when you stop them. I thought I was dieing, heck I wished I would it was so painful and bad but I knew that person wasn't me it was the meds..  She might need you during that time if it ever comes. THat is if you want to go thru something like that. And don't tell her this but there are meds out there that can help withdrawls if they get way to bad.
Jamie
356518 tn?1322263642
I am wondering if this friendship is good for you. I know that is really terrible but it seems like your just her punching bag in a way. What are you getting from this friendship? You are worrying and stressing over her problems and she is not treating you very much like a friend from what I gather.
I do not know how close you are but it may be time to put a little distance between you and her.
To me a friend is something very precious and I value each and every friendship I have. if one of my friends came to me and ask if I was having a problem I would discuss it with her and try and make her feel more comfortable knowing that I do not and if I did I would thank her for putting it out there for me to see.
As someone said some people are just toxic to be around and want to bring everyone around them down with them and I would not want that to happen here. You are being such a great friend and you deserve to have the same in return.
The issue of her working the worker's comp is terrible! it is people like this that make it hard for those who really need it and get turned down or made to return to work when they are not ready to medically. I would think of making an anonymous call to WC and let them deal with that issue. they have an anonymous line for just for this kind of thing.
Avatar universal
My dear KimLee,

I also want to welcome you to the Forum and hope that we can be of some help to you.
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to post before this but I've had some other obligations going on.

I'm so sorry that you are encountering all of this with your Friend!! It is so difficult to have to stand by and see her going thru all of this.

I want to ask you a question, after reading all of your answers, and PLEASE understand I'm NOT asking this to be mean or rude to you at all!! After reading the last thing that you posted on here I TRULY get the feeling that you really are not Friends anymore and that is partly because you are consumed with the fact that she is getting workers' comp and "working the system" abusing the pills and DEFINITELY has taken YOUR Friendship that you offered so UNSELFISHLY and has THROWN IT OUT THE WINDOW!! And you know what I DON'T BLAME YOU IN THE LEAST!!  It makes all of us angry when we see people that are "playing the system" and making it so difficult for all of us.

I have a person very close to me (relative by marriage) who has been playing the system ALL of her life and has LIVED OFF OF IT for over 40YEARS!!! This person is in Florida and is an addict AND bi-polar and works the "Pill Mills" like a finely tuned Violin!
The sad thing is that some people (not me) turned this person in and yet NOTHING was done!!

Her Dr. will not tell you anything at all as it could  possibly cost them there license if she chose to pursue it. How would you like it if YOUR Dr. told her and anyone who came in about your personal issues? That's why people feel free to discuss things freely with their Dr.s because of the Confidentiality that we trust our Dr.s to keep. If you went to them and told them about all of your suspicions and YOU WERE WRONG, she could SUE you and take  you for everything that you have!! I DON'T want you to get into any type of trouble. After all the PM Dr. IS prescribing to her and therefore chances are that there are factors in play that YOU know NOTHING about. I don't think that he/she would jeopardize his/her career just to give ONE patient medication.

I know how hard it is to sit back and watch this but PLEASE heed the warnings of the other people in here. Sometimes we are so closely involved and wrapped up in it that we can't see the Forest for the Trees!!  It might be better if you just go your own way and make some new friends or reconnect with your older Friends that you had before her. It really doesn't sound much like a friendship and it is HURTING you so  much that maybe you need to step aside for awhile and watch from the sidelines.

Please proceed cautiously and don't make ANY RASH decisions without thinking them thru thoroughly!!!

I hope that you will stay connected on here and keep us updated as we are very concerned for what you are going thru AS well as for your Neighbor.

We'll be looking forward to you updates. Take Care...Sherry


Avatar universal
It's really a hard thing to go through.  I had a friend that was injured and started on morphine.  The day that she threw her pain bottle up in the air and made the comment "morphine and it's legal" was the time I distanced myself from her. We were in her vehicle (her husband was driving) and she I was stunned, we were going to dinner for my birthday, in the middle of dinner she got up and started crawling on the table.  Her mother and father were there, I asked them if they were going to do anything about how she was acting.  Her mom very calmly stated that she was injured and just in pain (I made it clear that she was happy to be on the medication.)  Her mom told me if I didn't like it to leave, and I did. This was the 2nd episode with her. The first episode we were leaving dinner, four of us and she layed down right in the middle of the road.  I kept telling her to get up and finally my boyfriend and me had to physically pick her up as she was laughing.  She broke her foot a year before and was on dilaudid, opana, trazadone, percocet, llunesta, klonopin, ativan,cymbalta, and a variety of other medications.

I watched her doctor shop with orthopedic surgeons. Shewent to the first orthopedic surgeon, he advised her that her leg was healed and that there was nothing else needed done. She then chose another orthopedic surgeon, that surgeon said the same thing, and then she found a third doctor. The 3rd orthopedic thought that opening her foot to look at it more closely (thought she had a tear) and went in and found out that there was no tear or anything else that needed surgery on.  The orthopedic sent her to the pain clinic and that's when she started taking more medications.  She no longer works and is on disability for two years andis saying that she plans on going back to work.  I do know that she has started having migraines, neck problems, and is filling out paperwork to have permanent, state disability.  She was my friend for twenty years, I found myself not being able to watch what she was doing to herself.  I take a lot of medications, but have never crawled on a restaurant table, laid down in the middle of the road, or done the things she was doing.  It was really hard for me to let her go on one hand, and then the other it wasnt.  She wasn't a very good friend to me.  She would call and talk about her pain, but if I started to mention anything going on my life, she would change the subject, or need to get off the phone.  It's very difficult to end a friendship sometimes, but it sounds as though your friend isn't much of a support system to you.  I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's hard but I know you will make the right decision.  You could possibly distance yourself from her for awhile, and revisit her in a few months and see if anything is different?  

The one thing here Kim, is whatever you decide, we will be your support system here for you.  We all know you will do what is best for you.  Keep posting, and hopefully this site has helped you.  

547368 tn?1440541785
I have to say I agree with Sandee. Initially you stated she was your friend. But this sure doesn't sound like a friendship to me.

Friends support another and are honest with one another. It doesn't sound like your relationship has much of either.

I think distance is the opportune word here. I would not want to fell like I was being bulldozed or intimidated by anyone, let alone a friend. This person is not your friend. In my opinion as an outside observer, you may not be her friend either. What qualities does she have to endear herself to you?

I'd run, not walk away from this situation. I would not try to call her physician or WC. I am not about causing problems for other ppl but that is just my opinion.

Good luck to you,
~Tuck
Avatar universal
Actually, I really believe that the doctors would prescribe her pain medication. It doesn't matter whether they have bad history, some doctors don't even look at their medical history. I would know. My sister has a bad addiction to pain killers. She goes in to many multiple hospitals. Some are catching on to her though so they won't give her any. It ***** to see people addicted to pills. It's sad really. My sister uses her own son as an excuse to get money from my grandma. I hate it :'(
Avatar universal
You guys are truly wonderful!  Everything you all have said about "letting go or getting distance" is so true.

Kandee, I think you are right.  I question if this new pain doc has her history at all.  And her liver almost shut down from her overdose.  Maybe there are complications unknown to me.

Jam:  Yes! I have seen her off her med's!  Not a pretty picture!  She would get her script once a week and they would run out before refill.  She found a dealer to get more from.  How a 58 year old woman finds a dealer I will never know.  Like I said, she is good at getting her way!  You clearly have experience from the behavior of you brother.

My extended experience with Manics is that they never change, even on meds.  And God knows they are always right.  Nothing wrong with them.  They can't say they just screwed up!  It's the way it is.  And lets add a large dash of addict on top!

Sunkitty:  You know how this all is too!  Not fun to deal with at all.  It is sooo hard to prove a lie.  It's an invisible thing.  A feeling and knowing by you that can be denied by the liar.  I've dealt with so many.  The one time I had proof that she had lied to me, I called her on it and she handled it by walking away.  She really didn't care.

She is also trying to get on disability like your friend.  All the surgeries are done.  She is healed.  The new pain med doctor is treating low back.  This is the new problem.  I said to her.."low back??"  And she acted like it was common knowledge!  I don't know how much they can see in x-rays.  She had them this week  and is taking her long road trip to the pain med doctor on Tuesday.  You would think by this time doctors would see the BS.  Can't they see the truth through the x-rays??  

About 8 months ago one Dr. said her arm was now fine, and she blew a gasket!  And she found someone else, just like your friend.  They know how to work it!  Nothing matters but them!  MANNERS and being responsible for their impact on others just isn't an issue.

Yes she is a sick puppy.  She doesn't see it that way.  And it is all about her.  She doesn't really care about me.

It's hard to admit I can be so manipulated by someone like this, but I have been.  Distance is the answer.  My house is on the market and I am going to move 20 miles from here when it sells.  I've already found a new house I want to buy.  I pray it waits for me.

Avoiding neighbors is hard.  I don't know how it got to this point, but she pushed her way into my life like she pushes everything else.   And it started with her being caring and open and friendly.  But this has changed.  I don't want this.  I'll think on what to do  today.  You're all so right!  No one should be treated like this.  I don't need it!   The stories I could tell would fill a book!

I am across the street from her!  The neighbor to her right no longer will talk with her, (they used to be close,)  It's not just me.   This neighbor told me she just couldn't take the drama anymore!  I can't take the lies.

I will take everyone's advice and not call the doctor.  This is not my problem and not my place.  I don't doubt she will stay on workman's comp and get disability.  She is a master at working the system.  Nothing stops her.  It's something she is proud of.

Thank you guys so much!  This has been very good for me!  I need to wake up!

It's funny how this thread started about her and ended up about my well being!  (She wouldn't like that at all!  It's all about her!)

You're all great!  and I am very grateful for all your help and kindness.  Kim.

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