1323549 tn?1276178147


Has anyone ever had a problem with your condition getting in the way of your relationships? This happend to me two years ago the day before we were suppose to move into our house together she had promised before hand that she wouldnt leave me because i was sick and i had to have another surgery and she split.. Im starting to think i will never find the right person? Am i just being depressed for no reason?? It seems that some days i dont even want to talk to anyone its really hard and i cant believe i just used the D word ^ ... Why are all my relationships failing... IS she really out there? Sorry for the rant
8 Responses
1187071 tn?1279369698
You will find the right person, When you are in pain all the time it is hard to look into the furture, it is hard to get out and meet new people cause you really don't feel like it. I make myself go talk to people. being depressed and pain go together hand and hand. Are you on anything for depression? I am and I really don't think it works but I take it anyway. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you find Ms. Right soon! Just dont' be so down on yourself!!! One day at a time!
The best to you,
1323549 tn?1276178147
Yeah im on nortriptilyne (SP) but along with you dont really think it works...
Avatar universal
Oh my Dear,

Your SPECIAL ONE is out there for you! You are still very young and have many wonderful years ahead of you. ( I know it's hard to think of them as wonderful when you are in pain but they can be fi you let them!!)

You are fortunate that you found out when you did about your last Girlfriend. She didn't have the maturity to handle an adult relationship like you do. Please believe me WHEN she comes along you will KNOW IT!! There will be know doubt whatsoever and she won't have to make you any promises because you WILL KNOW!!!

Just sit back and be patient, your time will come. And when it does PLEASE let us know!

We're ALL rooting for you!!...Sherry
655875 tn?1295695107
I agree with everyone.  You will know when you've met the right one!  I didn't find the right man for me until I was in my mid 20's and he was near his mid 30's.  You have some time yet.  I'm sure my husband would feel the same way about me if I had this injury when we met.  My injury has been with me only 2 years out of our 11 years together.  I have wonderful support from my husband even though I'm unable to do most things.  I find myself very lucky.  You are young yet, so I wouldn't worry at all.

In the mean time, try and not to think about it.  Find a hobby to pass the time by.  She will come along when you least expect it too.  The first day I met my husband is when I knew it was the right one and we met from a blind date.  Don't settle for less then your expectations, that will usually end up in divorce.  Trust me, I've been down that road before I met my husband.  You want someone who is going to be kind, loving and understanding and who will support you fully.  

Good luck and I'm sure you will find the perfect woman.  You seem to be a very nice guy. :)
Avatar universal
Yes, I can certainly relate to how it feels to have a relationship go south because of my health issues.  This has actually happened to me twice (so far) - first with my ex husband (my health issues started during our marriage, so I was completely healthy before we got married) and then again with a man that I had been dating for about three years (I had health issues when we met), we got engaged, I had a REALLY bad time with flares and additional health issues and he basically showed me to the door, pretty much telling me to not let it hit me in the butt on the way out.  While it was very painful and upsetting at the time, I will say I'm VERY glad that that happened BEFORE we were married.  if he couldn't handle the "in sickness and in health" thing before we took vows, I'm sure he wouldn't have been able to handle it after those vows were taken.

I'm hoping that one of these days I will find someone to love me, despite my flaws and limitations, but I figure even if I don't, I still have my family and friends and I KNOW they will always stand by me and not disappear out of my life simply because I can no longer do some of the things that I used to.  My thinking is (although some days it's much harder to think this way) - anyone who doesn't want to be around me because of my health and limitations, well, it's THEIR loss, not mine - THEY are the ones with the true disability.  I may have a physical disability, but their type of disability is more severe when they can't accept those that aren't 100% perfect.

I know sometimes it's difficult to do, but please try to be patient and don't give up on love - the saying about it happening when you're not looking for it - is quite often true and I'm sure there is someone out there for you that will make you VERY happy and will stick by you.

Just remember, too, you'll ALWAYS have your friends here on MH!!
Avatar universal
My pain issues definitely affected my marriage.  We would up divorced, though my pain problems were just a tiny part of it.  He had a lot of other issues, alcoholism, drug use, abuse.  But part of me was afraid to leave because of my limitations.  When I did, though, I realized I had never had help from him anyway; it made no difference.  But I would up with peace of mind.

Later I had an amazing relationship.  Even got engaged, though we've put that on the back burner, due to some of his issues.   He also has a pain problem so he's very understanding.  We support each other in that area, and it's nice to be with someone who truly understands.

Unfortunately we're on a break and I don't know what's going to happen, but I know we'll always be supportive with each other with our health issues.

You'll find someone that's right for you.  It definitely harder when you have these issues to contend with, but the right person is out there somewhere.
Avatar universal
I'm lucky in that I have a very understanding boyfriend. He has gout in his foot and bursitis in his elbow so he knows pain. His is not constant because he takes daily medicine for the gout and avoids foods that make it flare up. He had this since we first started dating 6 years ago. I'm just very sympathetic to pain by nature, and very nurturing. So when his ankle would act up I would take care of him.

So when I started having chronic back pain over a year ago, he knew how I felt. He always says that he just wants me to feel better. Even when I broke down and told him I was depressed and was going to see a psychiatrist he said he just wanted me to be happy. It took a lot for me to actually tell him that so it was amazing when he understood, even though he had a bad experience with the medicine I'm on. When I get my injections he does all the housework so I can rest. And even though I whine about not being able to sit on the couch all day he says that I need to because he wants me to get better.

The only thing that bugs me a little is when we go to Disneyland I have to sit after every ride (and lean on the rail while waiting in line) or after walking for 10 minutes and I really wanted to get a wheelchair last time we were there but he said that if I need a wheelchair we probably shouldn't be going to Disneyland. I can sort of see his point but wheelchair means happy girlfriend and front of the line! I see it as a win win.

It took me a lot of time and a few crappy boyfriends to finally find this one. And I'm not letting him go anytime soon. So don't worry. It may take a while but once you find her, it will be worth the wait. And it is true that when you stop looking they will come to you!
Avatar universal
Runitskat, sounds like you have a keeper!!! My boyfriend (or ex at the moment; we're having a few issues and I hope they can be resolved) has been great.  He is always thinking of my hand.  He just gets it.  He'll offer to carry things or do the dishes.  At the same time, I also take care of him with his neck.  We help each other.  I never had anyone ever be so considerate.  Our issues right now revolve around other things, and I so hope we can fix them.  I don't know that I'd ever find anyone so kind again.  (My ex was rotten.  He was evil.  After one surgery, he pulled on my thumb because he was angry I wouldn't give him any of my pain meds.  My very first surgery he actually stole some of them (his excuse? His back was stiff.)  So after someone like that, you can imagine how grateful I am with someone like Michael.
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