Aa
Something positive to share
I'm always posting about pain, no relief, etc. So I thought I'd share something good for a change :)
I had my daughter's high school graduation party on Friday night. I always loved having company and hosting parties before I had my pain issues. I was always very picky about everything. All food had to be made from scratch. I did all the cleaning and prep and clean-up myself. The decorating was done by me as well. I always felt it was cheating if I did it any other way.
Over the past few years, I've had to pass on some of my usual parties. I always had Christmas Eve but I let my brother host it this year (much to the disappointment of my kids and some friends.)
I decided for my daughter's party I wanted everything perfect but knew I couldn't manage it. So, I let it go. I had my cleaning lady come in the day before; so all cleaning was done perfectly. (I love everything being totally spotless and it hardly ever is anymore.) That was one less thing to worry about.
I got a lovely tent for outside. Even though I'm on a tight budget, I figured it was worth paying a little extra for them to set up all the tables and chairs and put the lights on. It looked gorgeous. I went with a monochromatic color theme, all white. The mini lights outside the tent were all white, and my sister added mini lights to the deck for me also in all white. And the steps on the deck as well, which was good for safety as well as looking pretty.
One of my very good friends offered to do the centerpieces, and they were gorgeous. White roses, white tea roses and white hydrangeas. The vase was very simple and tied with a gauzy green ribbon (school colors were white and green.)
Instead of doing the food from scratch, I had various restaurants around town do it. That way I was assured I got the specialty of the restaurant and all the food was outstanding. My sister and her boyfriend made a few things that were a big hit. She is a fabulous cook and he is actually in culinary school (for fun; his actual profession is college math professor.)
Another friend did a playlist for the music. She put so much thought into it and it was perfect.
The finale was the cake. It was spectacular. Normally I'd either make the cake myself (rather simply done,) or use BJs or Costco for a sheet cake. But I wanted this to be special. It was three tiers. The bottom tier was white cake with a chocolate mousse filing. It was frosted white with little green swirls with green dots. The second layer was white cake with vanilla raspberry mousse filling. It was frosted in the hunter green color of the school and said Ursuline Academy across it. The third layer was a chocolate ganache topped with a dark chocolate graduation hat that said 2010. It had white candy stars on wire along with green and white ribbons. The banner was in white chocolate and said "Congratulations Olivia and friends." It was a huge hit. Everyone commented on not only how gorgeous it looked but also how delicious it was.
I kept the drinks simple, a few kinds of beer, some red and white wine, and plenty of water and soda.
Because it was my party and I was busy with talking to people and overseeing the food coming in and out of the oven and the usual stuff, I didn't get a chance to really eat, though I sampled a bit of the cake and it was amazing. I need to write the bakery a thank you. It was soooo last minute and they did a huge favor. To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen a cake as nice.
I think in total we had about 70 people. We had cleared our deck off (which is quite large) and there was dancing on the deck. Everyone had a fantastic time. My daughter had about 10 or 12 of her friends stay over (boys and girls). They were pretty good on the noise level.
At the end of it all, I'm delighted with the way things went, and I'm not even feeling the slightest bit guilty about not making anything myself. I got so many compliments on all of it and there wasn't one second of disappointment on anything.
I am tired after it. I'm not used to socializing so much anymore, and I didn't sleep much, sort of keeping one ear open on those kids. But I also have a lot of leftovers, which is great ... no cooking this weekend for me!!!!
Hope you all had a good weekend. Truthfully, this forum helped me in making some of my decisions on the party. It would have been a huge mistake to try to do it all myself, and I'm so glad I went the way I did.
I had my daughter's high school graduation party on Friday night. I always loved having company and hosting parties before I had my pain issues. I was always very picky about everything. All food had to be made from scratch. I did all the cleaning and prep and clean-up myself. The decorating was done by me as well. I always felt it was cheating if I did it any other way.
Over the past few years, I've had to pass on some of my usual parties. I always had Christmas Eve but I let my brother host it this year (much to the disappointment of my kids and some friends.)
I decided for my daughter's party I wanted everything perfect but knew I couldn't manage it. So, I let it go. I had my cleaning lady come in the day before; so all cleaning was done perfectly. (I love everything being totally spotless and it hardly ever is anymore.) That was one less thing to worry about.
I got a lovely tent for outside. Even though I'm on a tight budget, I figured it was worth paying a little extra for them to set up all the tables and chairs and put the lights on. It looked gorgeous. I went with a monochromatic color theme, all white. The mini lights outside the tent were all white, and my sister added mini lights to the deck for me also in all white. And the steps on the deck as well, which was good for safety as well as looking pretty.
One of my very good friends offered to do the centerpieces, and they were gorgeous. White roses, white tea roses and white hydrangeas. The vase was very simple and tied with a gauzy green ribbon (school colors were white and green.)
Instead of doing the food from scratch, I had various restaurants around town do it. That way I was assured I got the specialty of the restaurant and all the food was outstanding. My sister and her boyfriend made a few things that were a big hit. She is a fabulous cook and he is actually in culinary school (for fun; his actual profession is college math professor.)
Another friend did a playlist for the music. She put so much thought into it and it was perfect.
The finale was the cake. It was spectacular. Normally I'd either make the cake myself (rather simply done,) or use BJs or Costco for a sheet cake. But I wanted this to be special. It was three tiers. The bottom tier was white cake with a chocolate mousse filing. It was frosted white with little green swirls with green dots. The second layer was white cake with vanilla raspberry mousse filling. It was frosted in the hunter green color of the school and said Ursuline Academy across it. The third layer was a chocolate ganache topped with a dark chocolate graduation hat that said 2010. It had white candy stars on wire along with green and white ribbons. The banner was in white chocolate and said "Congratulations Olivia and friends." It was a huge hit. Everyone commented on not only how gorgeous it looked but also how delicious it was.
I kept the drinks simple, a few kinds of beer, some red and white wine, and plenty of water and soda.
Because it was my party and I was busy with talking to people and overseeing the food coming in and out of the oven and the usual stuff, I didn't get a chance to really eat, though I sampled a bit of the cake and it was amazing. I need to write the bakery a thank you. It was soooo last minute and they did a huge favor. To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen a cake as nice.
I think in total we had about 70 people. We had cleared our deck off (which is quite large) and there was dancing on the deck. Everyone had a fantastic time. My daughter had about 10 or 12 of her friends stay over (boys and girls). They were pretty good on the noise level.
At the end of it all, I'm delighted with the way things went, and I'm not even feeling the slightest bit guilty about not making anything myself. I got so many compliments on all of it and there wasn't one second of disappointment on anything.
I am tired after it. I'm not used to socializing so much anymore, and I didn't sleep much, sort of keeping one ear open on those kids. But I also have a lot of leftovers, which is great ... no cooking this weekend for me!!!!
Hope you all had a good weekend. Truthfully, this forum helped me in making some of my decisions on the party. It would have been a huge mistake to try to do it all myself, and I'm so glad I went the way I did.
No pictures. My camera died ... wasn't a battery issue. I was ticked. Other people got pictures, and thankfully I have them on my Facebook. I was disappointed about the camera; it's not even a year old.
Jay, I know what I like and what looks good, but I can't put it together. Like, when I shop for clothes, I buy the whole mannequin display :) I was uncertain about the ideas I had, but I talked to a friend (the one who did the centerpieces.) She is extremely creative. We have very similar tastes; the only difference is she can do it from scratch and I need help. Though I did the case from piecing things together I saw on several different cakes and that did come out fantastic.
I think my daughter is happy with everything. She's told me hers was the best party so far. (And she's been to about 12 already. Two more tonight, one or two during the week and then a few more next weekend.)
Jay, I know what I like and what looks good, but I can't put it together. Like, when I shop for clothes, I buy the whole mannequin display :) I was uncertain about the ideas I had, but I talked to a friend (the one who did the centerpieces.) She is extremely creative. We have very similar tastes; the only difference is she can do it from scratch and I need help. Though I did the case from piecing things together I saw on several different cakes and that did come out fantastic.
I think my daughter is happy with everything. She's told me hers was the best party so far. (And she's been to about 12 already. Two more tonight, one or two during the week and then a few more next weekend.)
namnam46 - I went to OU myself a thousand years ago and lived in Walker Tower. :-D I was a ballet major and OU had an excellent program that was cheaper out-of-state than in-state here in Texas. Their program has flourished over the years into something that is really quite fine. It's hard to believe some of my cohorts are now teaching there. LOL!
mellie - now you're talkin'! What a wonderful party you pulled together, and you didn't destroy yourself in the process. Any graduate would be proud to have a parent do such a thing with such style. You have my congratulations and great admiration for pulling it off. I am so NOT talented in the hostess department and envy those who seem to effortlessly handle social life (even knowing it's far from effortless). So let's see some pics!
mellie - now you're talkin'! What a wonderful party you pulled together, and you didn't destroy yourself in the process. Any graduate would be proud to have a parent do such a thing with such style. You have my congratulations and great admiration for pulling it off. I am so NOT talented in the hostess department and envy those who seem to effortlessly handle social life (even knowing it's far from effortless). So let's see some pics!
Ahhh, patience, Gemini. It's a work in progress. It's always been one of my biggest failings. I can hear my mom now, "Patience, Mary."
I always did everything when I was married. My ex wasn't very helpful with much. And when I was physically able, it didn't bother me much. I've always been busy and on the go. My family helps in the big things (like the party.) But on a day-to-day basis not so much. I think when you look pretty good on the outside, they find it hard to understand. But I've definitely lowered my expectations and if things aren't perfect around here, then it's okay.
I feel like I'll get to where I need to get mentally soon. It's really been hard trying to just accept things. It's not like I feel sorry for myself; I don't. I know it could be worse. It's more like I get angry and frustrated at myself that everything takes me so long. But I'm getting used to it (after 3 years) and adapting and learning new ways to do things.
I always did everything when I was married. My ex wasn't very helpful with much. And when I was physically able, it didn't bother me much. I've always been busy and on the go. My family helps in the big things (like the party.) But on a day-to-day basis not so much. I think when you look pretty good on the outside, they find it hard to understand. But I've definitely lowered my expectations and if things aren't perfect around here, then it's okay.
I feel like I'll get to where I need to get mentally soon. It's really been hard trying to just accept things. It's not like I feel sorry for myself; I don't. I know it could be worse. It's more like I get angry and frustrated at myself that everything takes me so long. But I'm getting used to it (after 3 years) and adapting and learning new ways to do things.
Thank you SOOOOO much for sharing the events of the day (and preparation) with us. I, too, felt like I was there with you seeing it all and tasting that delicious sounding cake! You have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about - you DID make a very important thing yourself - THE PARTY!!! Even though you were not slaving in the kitchen for days and out hanging the lights yourself, this party was every bit YOUR DESIGN as those other parties you've thrown in the past.
I know how you feel about not wanting to give up the control - I, too, struggle with that, although I am getting much better about it. I used to be the one, like you, that would host the parties, making everything from scratch, including the cake (I used to have my own cake and candy business in addition to a full time job) and would always tell people "nothing" when they asked what they could do or bring. I was the same way about the "normal" work around the house - I would always do it all myself, quite often including the yard work that somehow my ex husband could never find the time or energy to do. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can no longer do those things and I need not feel guilty about it or for asking for help. My family and friends have helped me realize that they would much rather I ask for their help and let them do things rather than me trying to push myself to do them and end up suffering afterward, which in turn, makes them hurt and feel bad because they know how much pain I am in. So, in actuality, by asking for help, you are giving something to your family and friends - yourself and your ability (hopefully) to be able to sit and relax and enjoy the time with them, rather than having to be closed away suffering in pain.
I'm glad that Olivia will be close enough while she's at college to still be able for you to visit with her and her to visit with you. She couldn't have a better mom!
Again, thanks so much for sharing about your wonderful day! I'm very glad you got to enjoy it and are not suffering afterward. continue to take your time with the clean-up - remember, it WILL get done, even if it's not right this minute! Learning to live with chronic pain also means learning to live with patience.
I know how you feel about not wanting to give up the control - I, too, struggle with that, although I am getting much better about it. I used to be the one, like you, that would host the parties, making everything from scratch, including the cake (I used to have my own cake and candy business in addition to a full time job) and would always tell people "nothing" when they asked what they could do or bring. I was the same way about the "normal" work around the house - I would always do it all myself, quite often including the yard work that somehow my ex husband could never find the time or energy to do. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can no longer do those things and I need not feel guilty about it or for asking for help. My family and friends have helped me realize that they would much rather I ask for their help and let them do things rather than me trying to push myself to do them and end up suffering afterward, which in turn, makes them hurt and feel bad because they know how much pain I am in. So, in actuality, by asking for help, you are giving something to your family and friends - yourself and your ability (hopefully) to be able to sit and relax and enjoy the time with them, rather than having to be closed away suffering in pain.
I'm glad that Olivia will be close enough while she's at college to still be able for you to visit with her and her to visit with you. She couldn't have a better mom!
Again, thanks so much for sharing about your wonderful day! I'm very glad you got to enjoy it and are not suffering afterward. continue to take your time with the clean-up - remember, it WILL get done, even if it's not right this minute! Learning to live with chronic pain also means learning to live with patience.
Thanks to all :) I just though I should share something good. Lately I've been feeling like I've been "taking" a lot from the forum with so many questions. Someone else (can't remember off the top of my head) posted on their triumph and at the time I thought what a great post. We need to hear of things like that and remember that there are bright days despite our pain.
How wonderful!!! I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said. Sherry and Jamie said it all. I'm very happy for you.
Wow, that sounds absolutely wonderful! I bet everyone really enjoyed their time while they were there. I'm sure your daughter really appreciates it as well. :)
I am so proud of you and you did everything that you can do and that is what counts. I am so glad everyone was happy and it turned out great. It is always so nice when things work out like that.
Jamie
Jamie
Believe me, I know from experience that the mixed emotions are contributing MORE than just a small amount to your Depression and anxiety, THEY are the REASON for it!!!
You will spend a fortune on all the little things that she will need for her Dorm Room and you WILL have a ball decorating it for her!! It definitely helps to have her that close.
That was the way it was for us as Kim was at OU and we lived in Tulsa. Just a nice drive down the Turner Turnpike to OU.
Your Christmas Celebrations sound so WONDERFUL!! What LOVELY Traditions you have for your family. As your kids get older and start families of their own it's those traditions that they will remember and look forward to for bringing their Families to Grandma Mary's for Christmas Celebrations!!! What a fortunate Lady you are.
Thanks for sharing, I love hearing about these things....Sherry
You will spend a fortune on all the little things that she will need for her Dorm Room and you WILL have a ball decorating it for her!! It definitely helps to have her that close.
That was the way it was for us as Kim was at OU and we lived in Tulsa. Just a nice drive down the Turner Turnpike to OU.
Your Christmas Celebrations sound so WONDERFUL!! What LOVELY Traditions you have for your family. As your kids get older and start families of their own it's those traditions that they will remember and look forward to for bringing their Families to Grandma Mary's for Christmas Celebrations!!! What a fortunate Lady you are.
Thanks for sharing, I love hearing about these things....Sherry
Awww, thanks! So far (I'm told by my daughter and her friend) this has been the best graduation party.
Funny you mention the clean-up. I am taking it very slowly. The tent people will be here tomorrow to take all that stuff away. All the leftovers were either given away or packed up that night. I'm sure there are a few odds and ends outside that I missed, a few popped balloons in a bush or something, but eventually, it will be sorted out. Trash day is tomorrow, so it will be gone, and my cleaning girls will be in on Tuesday. I'm sort of lazing all day, playing on the computer, watching silly TV and relaxing. All kids are out with their friends and it's lovely and quiet.
I'm sort of going downstairs, putting away one or two things, find another can or water bottle, get rid of them, and then go play on the computer some more. No one is dropping by so the mess isn't worrying me too much.
Giving up control was VERY hard. I've always loved entertaining and I've always tried to do fun things with the kids. I used to (haven't done it in a while, maybe I will this year if I have any extra money) have a sleigh ride every year near Christmas. You get these gorgeous horses (like a Clydesdale but a tiny bit smaller.) They're a gorgeous black color and the owner has them decorated very tastefully with gorgeous red ribbons. The "sleigh" is decorated as well, and the drivers' wear Santa hats. You get them for a whole hour, which really is a long time out in the cold. Since my kids are all varying ages, I divided it into 2 half hour rides. The sleigh would fit 25 or 26 and I each kid gets to invite 12 or 13 friends for their ride. The second half hour is for the younger ones.
I used to keep it simple, but I did make everything from scratch. I used to have hot cider and hot chocolate and a variety of cookies. All the cookies were made from scratch. Then one year I realized the kids didn't really care. I could have served Chips Ahoy and Oreos and they'd be happy.
These are the things I miss with the CP. Being able to work to fund all the fun things but also being able to participate in things without setting myself back.
I guess realizing that everything doesn't have to be perfect nor everything done by me makes a big difference. I keep trying to remind myself that it's the people that count, not things. It's the relationships that matter. I'm very lucky that I have a wonderful family and friends. They don't understand CP but they do accept it, and that's okay.
I feel blessed with all my kids. Olivia has been a joy to raise. She's always been mature and sensible and she's been very easy to parent. I'll miss her a lot when she leaves for college in August, but I'm thankful she'll only be a bit over an hour away.
With my next check I plan on picking up little things for her to take. I'll have to get everything she needs for her dorm room, but I want her to have a surprise. Things that she may not think she needs but will and maybe some fun things along with a few notes or letters for her to open when she's feeling homesick.
I think some of my mixed emotions about her leaving for college are contributing to my depression and anxiety lately. But I'm working on that!
Funny you mention the clean-up. I am taking it very slowly. The tent people will be here tomorrow to take all that stuff away. All the leftovers were either given away or packed up that night. I'm sure there are a few odds and ends outside that I missed, a few popped balloons in a bush or something, but eventually, it will be sorted out. Trash day is tomorrow, so it will be gone, and my cleaning girls will be in on Tuesday. I'm sort of lazing all day, playing on the computer, watching silly TV and relaxing. All kids are out with their friends and it's lovely and quiet.
I'm sort of going downstairs, putting away one or two things, find another can or water bottle, get rid of them, and then go play on the computer some more. No one is dropping by so the mess isn't worrying me too much.
Giving up control was VERY hard. I've always loved entertaining and I've always tried to do fun things with the kids. I used to (haven't done it in a while, maybe I will this year if I have any extra money) have a sleigh ride every year near Christmas. You get these gorgeous horses (like a Clydesdale but a tiny bit smaller.) They're a gorgeous black color and the owner has them decorated very tastefully with gorgeous red ribbons. The "sleigh" is decorated as well, and the drivers' wear Santa hats. You get them for a whole hour, which really is a long time out in the cold. Since my kids are all varying ages, I divided it into 2 half hour rides. The sleigh would fit 25 or 26 and I each kid gets to invite 12 or 13 friends for their ride. The second half hour is for the younger ones.
I used to keep it simple, but I did make everything from scratch. I used to have hot cider and hot chocolate and a variety of cookies. All the cookies were made from scratch. Then one year I realized the kids didn't really care. I could have served Chips Ahoy and Oreos and they'd be happy.
These are the things I miss with the CP. Being able to work to fund all the fun things but also being able to participate in things without setting myself back.
I guess realizing that everything doesn't have to be perfect nor everything done by me makes a big difference. I keep trying to remind myself that it's the people that count, not things. It's the relationships that matter. I'm very lucky that I have a wonderful family and friends. They don't understand CP but they do accept it, and that's okay.
I feel blessed with all my kids. Olivia has been a joy to raise. She's always been mature and sensible and she's been very easy to parent. I'll miss her a lot when she leaves for college in August, but I'm thankful she'll only be a bit over an hour away.
With my next check I plan on picking up little things for her to take. I'll have to get everything she needs for her dorm room, but I want her to have a surprise. Things that she may not think she needs but will and maybe some fun things along with a few notes or letters for her to open when she's feeling homesick.
I think some of my mixed emotions about her leaving for college are contributing to my depression and anxiety lately. But I'm working on that!
First, CONGRATULATIONS!! to your Daughter and You !! For your Daughter on her Graduation and for YOU for the magnificent Party that YOU a CP Patient was able to accomplish because you were ABLE to give up the control and ASK for help and look how Beautifully it turned out!!!
You told about it in such a Beautiful way that I felt I was there and could envision EVERY single thing that you described!! The tent sounds SOOO lovely with the tables and chairs and the beautiful lights. The decorations must have been so elegant that you Friend made for you.(It shows what a Sweet ant Giving person you are to have your Friends and your Sister and her Boyfriend, the College Math Professor to contribute all that they did. They wouldn't have done it if they didn't LOVE you!!)
I hope that you took pictures of everything INCLUDING that Gorgeous Cake!!! PLEASE post them so that we can see them! PLEASE- PLEASE- PLEASE!!!
Olivia is so VERY lucky to have you for a MOM. I know that this was the best Party in town and EVERYONE wanted an invitation to it.
NOW, please don't over-do in cleaning everything up. Take it slow and easy and it WILL still get done.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely and special time in your life with all of us....Sherry
You told about it in such a Beautiful way that I felt I was there and could envision EVERY single thing that you described!! The tent sounds SOOO lovely with the tables and chairs and the beautiful lights. The decorations must have been so elegant that you Friend made for you.(It shows what a Sweet ant Giving person you are to have your Friends and your Sister and her Boyfriend, the College Math Professor to contribute all that they did. They wouldn't have done it if they didn't LOVE you!!)
I hope that you took pictures of everything INCLUDING that Gorgeous Cake!!! PLEASE post them so that we can see them! PLEASE- PLEASE- PLEASE!!!
Olivia is so VERY lucky to have you for a MOM. I know that this was the best Party in town and EVERYONE wanted an invitation to it.
NOW, please don't over-do in cleaning everything up. Take it slow and easy and it WILL still get done.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely and special time in your life with all of us....Sherry
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