Pain Management Community
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494669 tn?1275366075

kidney pain

i have fsgs, and suffer severe pain due to this. i take pain meds that make me feel queasy and dizzy so i don't take them very often. i am starting to get really down and feeling depressed. i can barely move sometimes. my kidneys feel swollen most of the time. and it seems the more i do the more it hurts. i am seeing a specialist soon and i am hoping they can help but i am wandering what to do in the mean time. i feel so helpless. and so guilty as i need my hubby to do stuff even though he works all day and this makes me feel so guilty. any help would be much appreciated.....
22 Responses
1301089 tn?1290670171
Oh Goodness!!  Bless your heart!  I don't know much about your condition but I do know about letting others do for you.  We're all chronic pain patients and not up to our former selves either.  

Do you remember that part of your wedding vows when asked about for better or worse, in sickness and in health?  Well it's worse and sickness now.  I'd bet your husband doesn't really mind.  He'd rather have his wife well or at least comfortable.

I've had to come to the conclusion that a sparkly clean house isn't a lived in home.  That fast food can be good.  That dust bunnies aren't lethal.  And any friend who will pick up items from the store is worth her weight in gold.  Chronic pain will alter your life in many ways.  This is just one of them

If you're like me, you'll go through phases not unlike mourning.  It is a death. It's a death of who we once were.  The faster you get to the acceptance phase, the better. But you can't rush it.  It's a process and is different for everyone.

I'm very glad you've found us.  And Welcome.  You will like the people here.  A very  nice group.  Not many around right now but many more will be around during the day and early evening.

So stick around and check back.  You may want to explore some of the other communities available on MedHelp.  I believe there is a kidney group.  You can participate in as many you like.

Welcome to our community.
1324871 tn?1288985306
I can't agree more with what Sarajmt told you .She hit the nail on the head. I'm sure your husband is concerned about you and doesn't mind doing anything you need. Also, about  your house my saying is it's clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy .I used to be so anal about my home it just had to be perfect .Now, I feel good if I can keep my dishes done and laundry caught up.In the big picture it's not whats important. You and your health are.I also grieved for the vital person I once was .It is hard to come to terms with not  being able to do all the things we once could. Just take it one day at a time.I too feel for your suffering . I will keep you in my prayers and I so hope things get better for you. It is so hard to be hurting so much .God bless you honey  ((HUGS))  Melissa
655875 tn?1295698707
I know what you mean when it comes to your husband.  I personally feel like I have failed as a wife and mother.  I'm unable to do basically everything that is physichal.  I spend most my days on the couch or bed.  I get up and do what I can, and what my pain allows me to do.  My husband does everything.  He does all the shopping, takes the kids to their sports and church activities, he gives them a bath and puts them to bed every night.  My husband then does the dishes.  It's been like this for the past two years.  My husband works all day, plus has two part time jobs for extra money.

I have to tell you, my husband has never complained about what I can not do.  He never gets upset the house is a mess and is right there by my side.  He is very supporting and I have no idea what I would do without him.  I have two herniated discs and a spinal cord injury from a disc moderatly on the spinal cord for too long.

I hope the specialist will be able to help you and help this pain.  The pain meds make me feel the same way.  I get very sick from them, but those side effects do subside after a while once your body gets use to them.  Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.
547368 tn?1440545385

Welcome to the Pain Mangement Forum at MedHelp. I am so sorry to hear that you have chronic pain. The journey is difficult and we can relate. I am glad that you found us and hope that you will remain active in our community.

I think you mean that you have Focal segmental glomerulosclerosis (FSGS). This is a complicated disease condition of the kidney's. There is an older post On MedHelp's Kidney Disease and Disorders Community with a physician's response at this site:


I hope you will find some helpful information there. You may want to join that community also...but please don't leave us.

That helpless feeling comes to us all that experience severe chronic pain. It's part of the challenges that we face every day. Sometimes it makes me angry, other times it's depressing and in time you will learn how to better deal with it. I suggest that you consult a good pain management therapist. They can do wonders to help you in the journey through chronic pain.

Please, please don't feel guilty that you require help from your husband or even other ppl. You must remember that it is not your fault that you have FSGS. Release yourself from the guilt as it will make your chronic pain increase and wear down your spirits.

As mentioned by another poster you are most likely experiencing the stages of grief. There are many stages and you are grieving for your former self. Depression can go hand in hand with chronic pain. Don't feel bad or weak, it's something we all face and must learn to cope with and treat.

I beleive that your pain is not adequately controlled as you admit not taking the pain medications. Please dear find a medication that you can tolerate and take it. I know that if I did not take my pain medication I would not function at all. Sometimes it just takes time for your systems to adjust to them. The feelings of dizziness and queasy will subside after your systems adjust.....or discuss this with your physician and try a different medication. We often have to go through trial and error to find the right meds.

There may be help available for you through country organizations. Someone to come in and help with the housework or other things that you need done may be available to you at little or more likely, no cost. Please check into that possibility.

And as said earlier friends can be worth their weight in gold. I have an aunt that will come when I need her to do windows, mop floors and such. Don't be afraid to ask.

I assume your husband doesn't complain about his extra duties. My husband helps me with many things and never complains. It's called love. If the tables were reversed I would do the same for him as I am sure you would do for your husband. Don't forget the romance. Continue to build your relationship and marriage with your husband. Even with chronic pain try to do the little things as they mean much to them. A love note tucked in his pocket or on the mirror where he shaves says I love you and thank you.

I really do suggest that you see a pain management therapist. They can be so helpful and assist with the adjustment process. My heart goes out to you. Please keep posting and try to be active in our community.  We are here for you and understand the challenges that you are facing.

Take Care,
1187071 tn?1279373298
I feel for you cause we all go thru this thing one time or another. My husband is working 2 jobs right now cause I am on off on medical leave. He really don't mind helping me out but with him working 2 jobs he really shouldn't have to but that is the guilt I carry around not him. He has been here for me thru all of this. People that deal with chronic pain have a hard time with alot of stuff and that is normal. When you do you see this speicalist? My advice is try to do what you can and don't over do yourself doing it. Let things go if you can. We are not super heros and can't do it all right? And the other people on here have givin you some good advice, they are great! Post when you can to let us know how you are doing!
Avatar universal
Welcome Eel,

I, too, want to Welcome you to the Pain Management Forum along with everyone else. I would also recommend that you try the Forum on Kidney Disease but hope as  Tuck and everyone else does that you won't leave us!!

I'm so very sorry that you are experiencing this.It is so very painful and I hope that you can find the right Pain Medication that can help you without making you feel so queasy and ill.

I'm going to approach this from a different point of view than anyone else. You see my Husband (Jean) died from Diabetes, and for the last 8 years of his life when I would get home from work I would do everything that needed to be done as he was in bed almost all of the time. I didn't mind doing it all because I loved him with all of my heart and would do ANYTHING in the world for that wonderful man. I guarantee you that your Husband feels the VERY same way about you!! Jean would do little things that made me feel appreciated and loved such as some of the things that Tuck suggested like a little note here or there and I would over hear him talking to other people or they would tell me all of the beautiful things that he would tell them about me. It all made it worthwhile. Was it difficult, some of the time it was but most of the time I didn't mind one bit. If the tables were turned I know that you would happily do for him as he is for you.

Please know that our thoughts are with you and we hope that you will keep us updated as to how you are doing and what the Specialist has to say...Sherry
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