hmmm, delicate topic. She doesn't want any help, but she needs help! I'd say this demonstrates why we all have parents... you should act for her own good and will have to make her see a specialist, especially urologist, to find out what's going on here. I can only think of two things to help a 10 yr old; a pull-on plastic cover over the underwear or a pull-on cloth diaper with pull-on plastic cover, available at clothdiaper.com under search: youth. An even broader selection at adultclothdiaper.com under search: youth.
I would *not* recommend using a disposable product, as over time she may become overly comfortable with them, and in that, she would lose any desire to ever even try to get better.
However, for school time I might suggest that you try the new UnderJams from Pampers, they have such large sizes they might fit a 10 yr old. ( up to 85 lbs ) I don't think you can secretly have a 10 yr old diapered in school though, you will probably have to talk with school officials about it and see what they suggest. Usually they have the school nurse, or if the wing is attached, a special needs teacher/assistant provide changing needs for the child, rather than let her change herself in the regular bathrooms.
The Best thing to do is find out from a specialist why this problem exists. Suppose she has a severe infection, or irregular bladder, these things need treatment immediately! She could even have a severe condition, rare problems require persistence and searching out the appropriate specialist- kinda like on that one medical mysteries show... Whether she likes it or not, she needs to be seen by professionals who can resolve this problem for her and for you.
My recommendation on this topic would be to *never* use a disposable (over absorbent) product at home which would become a thing to enable the problem to being less of a concern to the child, resulting in their becoming comfortable with the situation and totally ignoring it altogether; thus no longer seeking out any help or concern to resolve the situation. A child lives for 'now', and out of sight, really is out of mind! One of the most important things for parents to remind themselves is: that children live in a life apart from logical explanations and mature absolutes - never giving any thought about things like germs or that this behavior might be unsanitary and even detrimental to the rest of her life. A child's perspective: my clothes go from dry to wet, and if I stay in them they'll dry out again.... it's just wet, that's all.
If you force her to wear diapers this most often will happen: she’ll find out how well they work, and she’ll probably want to stay in them all the time, because her clothes won’t be getting wet anymore…. But: a child could easily become adapt to wetting disposables constantly to the point they even forget how to 'know' before they go... and in their mind it's just 'wet', no thought of germs at all. So that would lead to the use of disposables becoming like wearing shoes- something she wouldn't even give a second thought about!
When a parent recommends the use of diapers, especially forcing the issue, it can compound the adapting of this behavior; because they are always a matter of convenience and thoughtlessness for the need that they supply. Two things any child enjoys: convenience and care-free. Right now she fears the stigma of "baby" diapers, she doesn't remember the convenience of them- placing her in one will show her that, and then you'll have an even larger problem on your hands!
Most children don't seem to reach mental maturity until age fifteen. So, no matter how old they act, or say they are, children fourteen and younger don't seem to have the maturity to understand the bigger matters of life and the world. So she wouldn't consider that dependence on diapers today could mean the same dependence at age twenty-one! Because she doesn't think of that, she would not be worried about becoming too reliant on diapers, and may become over-time, in just a few month's time, completely dependent on diapers, by losing track of her body's rhythm, by developing the habit of not paying attention to her body's signals, which would slowly numb her to them- kinda the same way someone has a minor pain in their body and they adapt to it and after so long they can't even feel the pain anymore, because they've adapted to ignoring it in their brain. That's what could happen with a ten year old in diapers, she could adapt and become completely oblivious to the whole situation, sometimes to the point that you will have to check her, because she won't even pay attention if she's wet or not after being in them for a number of years. It's just one of the quirky features of the brain-- Ask any wife: Has your husband adapted to completely ignoring your talking while he's watching TV?! lol So, I hope that this helps you to see that, she could easily become diaper dependent without even trying to, because her brain just automatically adapts itself through repetitive behaviors and time-developed route memory responses to every day situations, and that's just the way it is.
So, final thoughts: Please, take her to see a professional on this matter! Please, get it resolved as soon as you can! If you want to use diapers at school, then her teachers and principal would have to know, and they may desire that she be changed by a nurse, which would be very very humiliating for her... Best course of action: Find the cause of the problem and have it resolved as soon as possible, then there will be no need for any diapers or even plastic covers!
Hope that this helps you. :)
I was a bed wetter until I was around nine. For some reason I developed an affinity for plastic pants as a young child and remember my elderly babysitter catching me wearing them while I was in the bathroom at age 4. Apparently my mother, who was an educated individual as a biology teacher, knew about this affinity from the babysitter and never confronted me with it. I remember hinting about her getting plastic pants for my bed wetting and she would say that she didn't think that they would help without something to absorb the moisture, and she was very right about this, and my resistance to anything between my skin and the pants. We're talking ages between 4 and 8 so I would have difficulty in believing that this has a sexual basis, sorry Sigmund and your pervert partners in psychiatric crime. I'm thankful that my mother never pushed the issue and let me grow out of it but I still wonder what the cause was. Thanks Mom.