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8 year old boy sleeping in bed with mom
Is it okay for an 8 year old boy to still be sleeping in bed with his mom? My boyfriend's son is still sleeping in bed with his mom. His mom doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. My boyfriends son ask him if i could sleep in bed with my son and if he and his dad could sleep in the same bed. Is it against the law? It almost seems like a form of abuse to me. I bet money if it was a little girl sleeping in bed with her dad someone would call someone!
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I am really not sure what you are talking about xoceandove. Please show me where a family bed is related to pedophilia. In truth, a family bed is very common in various parts of the world. As a mother of an 8 year old, it is disturbing to me the posts that sexualize a parent child relationship when there is no sign of that. Simply sleeping with one's child (again, look at the statistics of other cultures in which that is the norm for a variety of reasons including lack of beds) is not sexual. Cuddling with one's child isn't sexual. Providing comfort to your child is not sexual. Very odd that some see it that way and makes me worry about something in their own past or present that was abnormal.
Many parents cosleep. Not a big deal. Kids eventually do want their own space most often as they become more and more independent.
I've never coslept with my kids but it seems like a lot of nonparents make comments that doing so is pedophilia.
Many parents cosleep. Not a big deal. Kids eventually do want their own space most often as they become more and more independent.
I've never coslept with my kids but it seems like a lot of nonparents make comments that doing so is pedophilia.
If you are a pedophile I am sure it is ok. Grooming your child for sex is another term that comes to mind for the incest rial inclined. No it is not ok to sleep with you 8, year old son for a number of reasons.Co dependency, confusion over the mother son role or Oedipus complex, anxiety disorders and sexual deviant behaviors issues are also on the door step. Protecting a child from abuse and risk is paramount.
In many countries, families all sleep in bed together out of practicality (lack of beds). no one should be judged for this as parents do the best they can. I'm sure at some point, your 11 year old son will decide he may need more space to sleep but this is harmless currently and I do believe you are nurturing him in a kind and loving way. peace to parents who try hard to do a good job
I so agree Tayzoe!
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
I so agree Tayzoe!
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
Could not have said it any better! I also cherish those moments, it seems that my son tells me more about what he's thinking & feeling & it helps me know where his head is at. I feel it helps to keep me close w/ him.
I am encountering a similar situation--my granddaughter(5) cannot fall asleep with out her mom or dad next to her --I had her this weekend-first time in a long time they were separated- first night she slept with me- next night with her cousins on the floor for a sleep over- no problem- until they (mom and dad) walk in the door---the poor little girl is obsessed with this sleeping arrangement-- am I mistaken?? is this a little over the top?? this si only the tip of the iceberg for behavior problems-
It not sexual abuse ...many sleep with their children certainly in Europe they do I doubt very much all are predators or abusers .It very often stops before puberty when children want more privacy. ISo if you are comfortable with him whilst he is young I dont see any reason why not other than getting a good nights sleep as they do thrash around the bed a lot ...lol
My son just turned 8 and sleeps w me most of the nights. Being a working single mom, I barely have time to share moments as watch TV or read a book with my son, and once we share the same bed, we catch this time before we fall asleep.
My son is very sweet, also VERY independent for his age but he's afraid of sleeping by himself (me too) because the wood in our home makes some noisy some nights, so I don't see anything wrong in having this mutual comfort,
My son is very sweet, also VERY independent for his age but he's afraid of sleeping by himself (me too) because the wood in our home makes some noisy some nights, so I don't see anything wrong in having this mutual comfort,
It is sexual abuse. It is going to cause considerable damage to the kid. It is an invasion of his space and perverse in a way.
Boy oh boy. That IS an odd situation. He's an adult living with an adult. You are kind of stuck. I think it is a little weird too . . . I'm in my 40's, um, does she want a boyfriend or another kid to adopt? But unless you think that there is abuse or neglect going on with the little girl, they get to be an odd couple. You could tell your step son that you don't think it is a great idea for him to sleep with the little girl (and it isn't)---- because it only takes one accusation to change everything. For his own protection, he shouldn't be in bed with her. ??? But it is hard because the mom is making the decision. Oh boy. good luck dear
I am a step-mom of a 23 year old boy/man who has a girlfriend 40 years old and her 9 year old daughter sleeps with them every night. The mom ran off with our stepson 2 years ago while the father of this 9 year-olds died of cancer. The little girl was moved out of her home to another state so the father could have family help him, until his death. The 23 year old (my stepson) refuses to work and he and the 9 year old act more like sister/brother. The little girl is starting to develop and although they do not think anything of it, I find it odd and I have a errie feeling with this sleeping arrangement. It appears this 9 year old is very insecure, and I can certainly understand why, but I think this sleeping together is odd, where the Mom will gets up and sleep on the couch and leave the girl and my stepson together. I requested that I do not desire this sleeping arrangement in my home and so far they are abiding by it, but they are upset with me. Any advise?
It is also a situation here in which you've pulled up an old post as you must have been searching for this on the internet. Must be of some interest to you. To each their own on the topic and luck to all,.
While we can say what works for us, it is not really realistic to think we know what every other household should do. I hope that those who co sleep are happy doing so and it really is not that uncommon. I don't do it but that is because of my own sleep needs. I have a good griend who does and she is very close with her husband and has a great marriage. We just can't speak in absolutes about other people's lives.
Wow! That was a little harsh. She has every right to be involved as it comes to HER house every weekend and she has to deal with the wreckage.
Almost every point of view on this thread is that of an emotionally needy parent. As a mother of 9-year-old girl, who will sleep in her daughters queen sized bed when husband snores too loud, I find it irreconcilable to bring the child into a parents bed every night at this age.
My recently divorced neighbor sleeps with 8yo son every night. When the very sore topic comes up on occasion, she says she knows it's for HER emotional needs. But, that selfishness has driven her husband away - no intimacy in the bed room (yeah, there are other places, but not every single night for 8 years!) In the past when it came up, I remember her saying they all loved the intimacy, and he would be shaking his head.
To top it off, the child is not right. He has serious emotional issues that have been brewing for a number of years. Yeah, I'm sure some of it was from the bad marriage, but when he starts to act like the parent, and then CRIES every time he is disciplined it becomes ridiculous. She starting to treat him like a child-mate.
Oh, and I came from European parents that used to co-sleep in the old country for security reasons. Once they got to America, everyone got their own beds and my parents put a lock on their door. So enough with the fantasizing over European family beds.
Sleep with your kids when they are sick, and little now and then when they are young. But, enough is enough ladies - cut the apron strings.
Almost every point of view on this thread is that of an emotionally needy parent. As a mother of 9-year-old girl, who will sleep in her daughters queen sized bed when husband snores too loud, I find it irreconcilable to bring the child into a parents bed every night at this age.
My recently divorced neighbor sleeps with 8yo son every night. When the very sore topic comes up on occasion, she says she knows it's for HER emotional needs. But, that selfishness has driven her husband away - no intimacy in the bed room (yeah, there are other places, but not every single night for 8 years!) In the past when it came up, I remember her saying they all loved the intimacy, and he would be shaking his head.
To top it off, the child is not right. He has serious emotional issues that have been brewing for a number of years. Yeah, I'm sure some of it was from the bad marriage, but when he starts to act like the parent, and then CRIES every time he is disciplined it becomes ridiculous. She starting to treat him like a child-mate.
Oh, and I came from European parents that used to co-sleep in the old country for security reasons. Once they got to America, everyone got their own beds and my parents put a lock on their door. So enough with the fantasizing over European family beds.
Sleep with your kids when they are sick, and little now and then when they are young. But, enough is enough ladies - cut the apron strings.
right on!
Nope, your statement and opinion is based on lack of experience as a mother and much else. You are the mother to a one year old and STEP mom to a 6 year old. You are simply making an assumption based on your own opinion, which in fact ,is just that, and opinion, nothing factual about what you are saying at all. You may have a perverse mind yourself, which is why this is your view on it. I don't know, because I don't know you. But I can tell you that most who allow their children to co - sleep FOR THEIR OWN REASON (ever heard of dont judge a situation unless youve walked in it and know ALL the reasoning behind it) do NOT think twice about it, and do not equate it to anything sexual, never even been a thought. I have children that are older, and that are younger, I am a single mother, and my youngest son, who is 6 sleeps in my bed. You do what you have to bed wise, room wise, and comfort wise for children when you and they are a product of a broken home. Its no ones business, its not your business either, not your child. And, youve just taken and made it everyones business. And your SO nosey and concerned about your bf's EX and what she is or isnt doing, that it sounds more like you just simply dont like her, have it out for her, or are hoping that most here would say what you wanted to hear so you could run and tell her how wrong she is, and tell your bf how wrong she is. Some advice, quit prying. He had a relationship BEFORE you that produced a child, he had a life before you, he loved someone else before you, and your probably having a hard time swallowing that, leave it alone, it does NOT concern you. That is all, have a great day!
Staying away from societal norms and looking at the interpersonal relationship: Are the actions of the Mom and son consensual ? Does the Mom's temper tantrums affect how the boy acts at school and in society ? There may be a different consideration to be inquired once the boy reaches puberty - in your state is there an age at which Mom and son can not continually sleep together. The video cam can be a matter of personal privacy and the risk that the allowable intimacy she has with her son could be miscontrued so that she looses her son or acquires a "sicko" reputation.
I think the key is to have fully open and non-judgemental and non-opinionated communcation with the boy - knowing that at any time he wishes to "break" from smotherly love he is allowed and not bound to it via consequences or manipulation.
I think the key is to have fully open and non-judgemental and non-opinionated communcation with the boy - knowing that at any time he wishes to "break" from smotherly love he is allowed and not bound to it via consequences or manipulation.
Perhaps what is most difficult is the child dealing with the separation of his parents.When the child comes to visit and is told its wrong to sleep in the same bed as his daddy, isn't that a form of seperation anxiety??
No, Tayzoe, it's a form of separation, not separation anxiety. Children are amazing beings that can adapt to almost anything. I was sleeping in my own crib at a few weeks old. I've run to my mother's room a few times after a nightmare as a child, but I can honestly say that sleeping alone made me a more independent person. Don't we eventually want our children to become independent adults? I'm not saying that we should take away hugs, candy and fatherly advice. I'm just saying that just as college students shouldn't get piggyback rides, kids that are old enough to say "No Mommy, I want to sleep with you" should sleep in their own beds. It teaches them that they can do things by themselves.
Also, when else to we sleep with another person in the same bed?...After we've had...you know. Believe it or not, the first time you lay down with someone of the opposite sex, your mind will search for something to connect this unfamiliar experience with. It'll be sitting in the back of the child's head and I'm not saying that they won't be able to do the deed when the time comes, but I think we can all agree that mental connections don't need to be made with our parents and our partner. Ask Oedipus.
No, Tayzoe, it's a form of separation, not separation anxiety. Children are amazing beings that can adapt to almost anything. I was sleeping in my own crib at a few weeks old. I've run to my mother's room a few times after a nightmare as a child, but I can honestly say that sleeping alone made me a more independent person. Don't we eventually want our children to become independent adults? I'm not saying that we should take away hugs, candy and fatherly advice. I'm just saying that just as college students shouldn't get piggyback rides, kids that are old enough to say "No Mommy, I want to sleep with you" should sleep in their own beds. It teaches them that they can do things by themselves.
Also, when else to we sleep with another person in the same bed?...After we've had...you know. Believe it or not, the first time you lay down with someone of the opposite sex, your mind will search for something to connect this unfamiliar experience with. It'll be sitting in the back of the child's head and I'm not saying that they won't be able to do the deed when the time comes, but I think we can all agree that mental connections don't need to be made with our parents and our partner. Ask Oedipus.
While I don't really see anything wrong with showering with your 5 year old and can see doing it out of convenience. But it does sound a little odd to say you do it for bonding??? Bonding in the shower seems a bit odd.
My 5 year old son take the occasional shower with me. now my exwife is making comment about him showering with me, like saying that she thinks that it is borderline incest. i am not sure what she is thinking.
i personally can't find anything wrong with it. i shower naked with him when we go swimming at a public pool. and take this as a time to bond.
i think that she is so unhappy that i am enjoying the time that we spend together that she is willing to say anything out of hate
i personally can't find anything wrong with it. i shower naked with him when we go swimming at a public pool. and take this as a time to bond.
i think that she is so unhappy that i am enjoying the time that we spend together that she is willing to say anything out of hate
So I started dating a guy for about a month and a half and it's going very well. He has a 7 year old boy and they share a bed and bedroom, always have. The mother died when the child was 4 months old so it has always been just the two of them.
For childcare issues they moved in with Grandpa who is retired. My BF and his son share a room and do not seem eager to have the situation change. I mentioned this to my BF and he said "my son won't do it". Part of me thinks, your the dad,you say what goes.
It became apparant that this was going to be equally as hard for my BF. This is what they have done to get by and they share comfort in their routine. Do I want to be the one to ruin this bond?
But I think the boy should have his own room... a place to call his own....maybe he might even like it!!! I think it might be stopping him from growing into an adult in some ways.
I also think it's important, for a couple to have their own private time....if know were else BUT the bedroom!
For childcare issues they moved in with Grandpa who is retired. My BF and his son share a room and do not seem eager to have the situation change. I mentioned this to my BF and he said "my son won't do it". Part of me thinks, your the dad,you say what goes.
It became apparant that this was going to be equally as hard for my BF. This is what they have done to get by and they share comfort in their routine. Do I want to be the one to ruin this bond?
But I think the boy should have his own room... a place to call his own....maybe he might even like it!!! I think it might be stopping him from growing into an adult in some ways.
I also think it's important, for a couple to have their own private time....if know were else BUT the bedroom!
I think ita fine occasionally, but everyday ? Inagree that it is excessive i have a 6 yr old step daughter who had been crying everhtime we put her to bed becuz she is use to sleeping with her mom in the same bed. However my step daughter cries alllllll night long becuz of this. Me and her father let her cry it out and learn that she has to be a big girl and sleep in her own bed. For months we tried this and eventually she snalped out of it she was able to sleep alone now thanks to us. But it is the moms fault for babying her to much , that if she is crying and throwing a tantrum something obviously aint right
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