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Avatar universal

8 year old boy sleeps with dad nightly

An 8 year old boy sleeps every night with his father in one room while the younger brother who's 3 sleeps every night in another room with his mother.  It's been like that as long as long as he can remember. The 8 year old has behavior issues and is frequently sullen.   He pokes a younger girl he's fond of on her buttocks repeatedly much to the annoyance of the girl.  When told to stop it, he said he liked her and wasn't doing something wrong - only poking her.  When told that it's not appropriate to touch girls' butts, he responded, "but I love her."  I insisted he stop and not do it again.  Does this seem normal to you and what would you suggest I do?  He is not my student but I know the family for a very long time and witnessed this behavior at a pool.  
9 Responses
1666903 tn?1383335756
Do laws pertaining to witnessed or probable abuse, say anywhere that the regular classroom teacher is the only one responsible to make a report?  To my knowledge, any educator, therapist, medical personnel, etc. is bound by law to stand up and blow the whistle, so to speak.  Am I incorrect?  I have also been under the impression, if someone-- who by law--has this obligation, and fails to report, that person can be prosecuted.  I would seek legal advice, for your own sake, but more importantly, for the sakes of those children.
Avatar universal
The legal stuff aside, am I overreacting?  Since I know the family and it's a small community and the parents are so nice and I just don't know what to do.  Part of me says, stay out of it, it's their family and part of me says ... oh my, save the children ... and part of me just says they're a bit weird and sleeping with the kids that way isn't that bad, is it?  This was just one thing I observed ... but I'm morally troubled.
1666903 tn?1383335756
If you are at all unsure, just keep your eyes and ears open.  I live in a small community, as well.  Here, child abuse is common, Child Protective Services is busy, teenage pregnancies are rampant, and the local mental health agency is bursting at the seams with clients.  This town is also considered to be a devoutly religious community.  Just because people seem "nice", doesn't mean that there aren't problems behind closed doors.  My thought would be to remain very observant and pay special attention to any odd behaviors on the part of the children when around them.  Be cautious and hold off calling in the cavalry, unless more than good reason presents itself.
Avatar universal
At grannymusiclover  
"...I have also been under the impression, if someone-- who by law--has this obligation, and fails to report, that person can be prosecuted.."

"...Be cautious and hold off calling in the cavalry, unless more than good reason presents itself."  

Af reading both your post and in-particular you second I suspect your community could do with a bit of "wait and see" too.
Avatar universal
It seems a bit useless to make a report on the family. Unless the children ate showing physical signs of abuse I doubt anything will be done. However there is the issue of menal things going on. Maybe the child is just seeing the father show the mother attention in the mannor of her but and made the comment "I love you" while poking or patting the mothers butt. Maybe the boy
thought this must be how you tell a girl you love her. Kids are like sponges and soak in everything going on around them. It would be up to you to speak with the parents about the situation and make them aware of it. I have two children and i would sure aporeciate someone making me aware of something so I can correct it rather
than calling in cps. If you do speak with the parents then keep an eye out for abuse. But give them a chance first. as far a them sleeping in bed with the children ut may seem a little weired but maybe there is a good reason behind it. Either way I can see your concern. proceed with caution.
Avatar universal
Something isn't right with this. There are a lot of red flags. I will pray for him.
Avatar universal
Something isn't right with this. There are a lot of red flags. I will pray for him.
Avatar universal
Why is an 8 yr old sleeping with dad...while the 3 yr old is sleeping with mom?? Wht aren't the two kids sharing a room...and the parents in another? RED FLAG!!
Why is an 8 yr old repeatedly "poking" someones butt? RED FLAG!!
Why is an 8 yr old saying "it's because he loves her"? This is something he's heard before!! RED FLAG!!!
He's often sullen!! RED FLAG!!!
He has behavioral issues!! RED FLAGS!
Come on ppl...this isn't right!
Avatar universal
I would suspect child abuse. He is only 8 and thinking that poking a girls behind because "he loves her" is okay is disturbing. He didn't just make this up. He has either seen it or could have experienced it. He is 8. Too old to sleep in the fathers bed. I would speak to him first and ask him where he learnt the butt touching. Then take it from there. He may mention if he is abused. Waiting is not good in this situation because waiting may cause abuse to go on. I was sexually abused for 7 years and no one knew. So waiting won't help. Talk to him and if he doesn't mention any abuse speak to the parents and find out why the strange sleeping arrangements.
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