I'm divorced for 6 years, have twin sons, 20 yrs old. Remarried a year ago, he has 2 sons: 21&18. All boys are self sufficient, have jobs and in college. He has 2 dtrs., ages 14/ lives with his first wife. The other, 8 and a product of a 2nd marriage. He lived with them, divorced when SD was 3. He saw her regularly. Last year her mother moved her out of state 1200 miles away, sheleft her other 2 children with their father (her first marriage ages 15&17) We saw SD on 3 occasions when we traveled to see her where her mother now lives. Then, suddenly her mother phoned and said she wanted to give her to us because she couldn't handle her anymore. We took custody at that time. This child is suffering from some abandonment and ???, her mother told her she is moving with her Dad because she is "bad." She is a holy terror everyday. I DO NOT want to raise another child and we had a happy home prior to her ...ENTER this girl, it has been hell since. She is deliberately defiant at home and school, grades good/conduct for semester one point short of an "F" (think teacher was being kind), has no friends; she is bossy, cries, pouts, yells back at when she doesn't get her way. When she finds a new friend, she tattles to the parent's for whatever. No one at school or in neighborhood plays with her. I cringe when she tells me someone invited her to go with them somewhere because I'm certain she invited herself and the parent is just being kind. How Embarrassing to us as parents. Sadly, I hope the neighborhood knows she is not MY daughter. Since she came, her mother's sister had her over one time and has never called again. Her Half & Step bros. leave as soon as she gets home, her father has a passive attitude, his solution is give her what she wants to prevent behaviors. I set all the rules, I enforce them and expect everyone in the house to respect that. She's grounded regularly, aggravates others, undermines both her father and myself by asking one for something when she was already told no by the other. I love her, she's a child, it's not her fault but I can't like her, tolerate her or feel any emotional connection to her because she is making my life miserable. I've never seen a child like this. She constantly has to have attention, negative or not... When she came, her mother said she would sleep in her bed with her everynight and if her mother tried to get her to sleep in her own bed, she would keep her up all night until she got her way. Her mother has a new boyfriend, he couldn't tolerate this child either. I believe her Mother sent her to us so she can keep the boyfriend as sad as it is. This child exhibits public displays of defiance, wants to be treated like a baby, walks with baby dolls strolling them in the neighborhood, no other children that age have baby dolls. When my new grandchild comes over, she hovers over her, I have no time with the baby. If I tell the baby she's so pretty, my stepdaughter says, "Lacy's (not her name) pretty too, see how pretty I am?" I tell the baby to look at her fishies in our aquarium and this child argues that they are her fish. I get very angry with this baby talk, baby acting out and tell her the fish were never hers and that our family had them long before she came to live with us. She'll ask for food, then say she's not hungry and cry if she's made to eat it. I have tried very hard to like her but the thought of even seeing her after work is appalling to me. This week-end we are camping and I know that I will be the baby-sitter and she'll have a fit to sleep in the tent early tonight after waking everyone in the house at 5:00am this morning. Naturally, I'll be the one to go to bed early instead of enjoying my family and friends because she'll make everyone's time as miserable as she can until she gets her way. She responds to rules and consequences from me only but will do the same bad thing over and over as the days pass. I told my husband out of honesty that had I known we would EVER get her to raise, I wouldn't have married him. At that time I was speaking of a normally behaved 8 year old, well this is like I added fuel to the fire, she is hell on wheels!!!! I resent her mother for sending her to us and deserting all her kids, I resent her for being a child of this woman (My husband's first wife & mother of his other 3 kid's I get along with fine), I resent being put in a position at 48 yrs old to raise another child especially one of this caliber, and I try not to but sometimes I resent my husband for ruining what we had; our marriage, my sons, grandaughter and the other kids were the best things that ever happened to me. However, I also know that I would lose respect for him if he sent her away. The sad thing is, no one wants her because she drains the life and happiness out of you daily. I also know it's deliberate most of the time because I can tell she knows what problems she causes and keeps repeating them after she's punished for them. I don't know what to do because I know factually I cannot do this for the next 10 years, I had no intention of raising anymore kids, it was made very plain to me that this mother would NEVER, EVER part with this child so I married again. I'm too old for this, feel like I did my time and raised two great boys, no matter how I try, I'll never be able to love her like I love them. Am I selfish? My husband would do the same for me if this were my child, I don't think he would tolerate the behavior and inability to control or change it, the manipulation and deliberate actions to create problems with the entire family. Please advise, I'm desperate and about to move out of my house with my son, I'd even take his son's with me but never her! My husband and I keep saying that divorce is not an option but I'm starting to think it's a very real option to me. Especially after this morning. At 5:00am my husband got home from his night shift (he works rotating shifts), got in the shower, she came downstairs when she knew he was in the shower, woke me and said she heard Daddy come home and had a nightmare and was scared. This is a manipulation because how does 5 minutes elapse and she heard her father come in, went to sleep, had a nightmare, and come downstairs? I told her everything's fine, Daddy's home and to go back to bed, she argued to lay with us in our bed which was something that took us over a month to stop, I told her no and go back to bed, she went upstairs, woke each and every brother one at a time, each yelled at her to quit waking up people/acting like a little baby.. She waited until her Dad lied down and she came back AFTER I had told her to go to bed. My husband's response was to go turn on her TV and then she won't be scared. I got up, told her she's NOT turning the TV on, the latest rule is the TV is out at 9:00pm, no exceptions,we just started this 3 days ago. This of course affected my husband and I, and I told him his answer was just an easy course of action to keep from dealing with her, a short term solution/long term problem, once again...her mother created. So, I was up 4 hours before work, my day will be very long, I'm tempted to not go camping with the family because of it. As she left for daycare this morning she said, "Gosh, you have two hours now before you even have to go to work." I looked at her, then she smiled her defiant smile so her father couldn't see. What do I do? She has been to a psychologist for the failure to sleep in her own bed, constant lying, disrespect, ect... Her mother also had her on 50mg of Ritalin a day which I titrated her off of. Her behavior was no different with the meds than without. I'm desperate, please advise, thank you for reading this, I know it's long but felt it important to let you understand as much as possible for a profesional educated analysis.