9 year old with mood swings

[Dsnf123]

My son is 9 years old and since he was little when he would get upset about something he would either throw a tantrum or just stop talking to you.   He is a very social, active and smart child.  Me and my husband have started becoming concerned  recentlym  because it seemed he outrew this outburts for the most part, but they are starting again.  Sometimes over the years he would have his moments, but we just thought he was having a bad day or maybe he didn't get enough sleep the night before.    

Recently we have notice them starting more frequently.   When something "sets him off" he just clams up,  if you try to ask him what is wrong he will not address you at all until he is ready to talk (normally 20 to 30 minutes).  Sometimes he will not talk about why he is upset but gets himself all worked up and will cry.   At times we thought he was just a typical child acting out if he did not get his way, but I am really concerned its something more.

[browns_7]

You could be describing my 10 yr old son!  
But, I believe my son acts the way he does because of abuse that he was exposed to before he could talk.  (my ex husband used to beat me up and there was constant yelling)  because of all that, he sees a therapist now.  She told me that his behavior indicates he is depressed.  However, she said that everyone deals with anger in different ways.  Some yell and scream, some clam up and retreat.  You need to respect how he deals with being upset and not try to force him to talk to you about it.  She also recommended deep breathing.  When my son is upset, we drop everything else that is going on, and we have him take several SLOW deep breaths.  In through the nose, out through the mouth, eyes closed.  Sounds silly, and I didn't think my sons would go for it, but it helps tremendously.  He feels a little silly sometimes doing it, but he always feels better afterwards, and is usually able to talk to me then.  He also is the type that if he thinks his being upset, is upsetting me or my husband, or that we are upset at him because of how he is acting, then he clams up even more.  You might want to consider taking him to a therapist, even for a few visits, to make sure there isn't something else going on that you aren't aware of.

[margypops]

What kind of thing 'sets him off' what happens prior to a tantrum has anyone said anything would upset him? has he older siblings , does he do okay at school ?