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Parenting Children (6-12) Community
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Avatar universal

Advise with grandchildren

I am a grandmother of two children, ages 6 and almost 3.  My daughter is a drug addict and alcoholic.  She is currently in an outpatient rehab.  she left her husband (who is father of 3 yr old, but not 6 yr old) when baby was 7 months old.  she still sees the children often, but no set date or time, just whenever she feels like it  Her husband has sole custody of both children.  We have court ordered visitation

I believe my daughter had RAD (she is adopted and was abused as a child) that later developed into borderline personality disorder.

My granddaughter, the 6 year old, was emotionally abused as a child in my opinion (swearing at, gated into her room, etc)  when she turned 3 my daughter wanted to get her a new highchair!!!  I was able to convince her that she could not do that.  when she was little she would often cry and beg to stay with me rather than having to go back home.  (oh I did contact child welfare on several occasions,,swearing at a child, restraining them in their room, etc is NOT child abuse (sic) )

I have concerns about the children, especially my granddaughter.  She just completed kindergarten and did well.  Not many problems in school.  but I see her out of control very often.  At my home, where she comes daily with her brother for almost 4 hours each day, she is pretty good, but when other people are around she gets wired.  For instance I took her shopping the other day.  She went into the dressing room and locked the door...said she could not unlock it.  After the salesclerk and I talked with her she finally opened the door.  but then as I tried to look at items she just was wild.  We had to leave the store.  (we were only there for 5 min!)  We just have to watch her all the time...never know what she is going to do.  She has hurt her brother on occassion, hit him with a hammer once and stuck him with a pen)

It seems to me that she is acting out when others are around.  she is pretty good with just my husband and I.  but if we have other people over, other kids over, or go shopping or where other people are, she just gets wild and out of control

I see her more sexual than I think a 6 yr old should be, shaking her bottom, talking about kissing boys, lifting her dress to boys, etc  I do not think she has been sexually abused, but I do know that she has seen ALOT that no one should see

I do not want to continue with negatives.  She is a wonderful child who I love so very much.  I just need advise on how to get her to calm down, not be the center of attention anywhere we go.  any books (I have read raising spirited child and parenting with love and logic)

any advise most appreciated....
3 Responses
Avatar universal
there are books one Raising a Son and the other Raising a Daughter they are supposed to be really good, I haven't finished my copy yet!!  But I hear that they are really good.  I hope that they will help you.
410475 tn?1262942367
seek counseling, my granddaughter is a charm with me and they say she is bi-polor at home. that dosen't make sence to me either, she is the middle child. her mom is a single mother, and I think that Faith, age 8, just needs attention. she too is "to sexual for her age". we as grandparents just don't have much say in what happens. I think the courts should listen to us more than they do, I do not want to take Faith away from her mom, sister or brother, but I do think if they put her on drugs, it will be a mistake. she is a beautiful child. she was just here with me for 7 days, not one depression, anger, acting out, nothing, she is sentisive and needs attention, thats all, I don't know what to do. I said to her, tell your counselor that your not bi-polor at grandmas. that should send up a red flag, do you think?
CAT
535822 tn?1443976780
I think some counciling is needed here She is acting out and there is possibly a reason, does she get on with the 3 year old ,could there be some jealousy ?Sounds like she is seeking more attention, have you tried talking to her and ask how she feels, you may get some insight that way                    To Judi, I agree with all you said in your post if they are acting out only at home you have to ask why, try taking to her and get her to tell you how she feels,then tell her Mom .
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