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Avatar universal

Big Serious Problems with my ADHD 10 yr.old

My son was 10-mo. old when his dad and I seperated. I lived with a guy for 8 yrs. of my son's life and, we seperated too. Now I have married and my son has been wih myself and, a step-father ,older bro whose in jail and been in boys homes and, jail since he was 11.And a step-Brother who is 17. My son who is now 10 ,11 in Dec. has ADHD. He has been on different meds since he was 4.He has been in trouble at school and, home a lot. Here lately he was sent hm. w/ a letter from the school principle saying he has been kicked off the bus now a 12 th time and ISS 5 times this year. The other day he threatened a boy with a pencil. He said, "He was going to stab him and watch him die"  Today his step-Brother and him had some words and he went and got a knofe that his step-brother and step-dad removed from his hand. He was threatening his step-brother w/ it. I have tried time-outs,talking,buyng toys , a playstation and games,a bike, atv etc... I have swithed his meds a lot. I have grounded him and took things away from him,I have paddled his tail. Nothing seems to work. I have tried to get his real dad to help,but! it does no good. He says I can't take care of him or, let him live w/ me. He says Spank him more and that's it.I even told his dad "no Knives or,candy when you send him home and ,it still happens" Then, I have to listen to the crying,aggresion,anger and rage fro,m my son when I take it away.Please Help! All comments Needed.Thank you     Worried Mom: That My Son Will End up Hurt Or, Hurt Someone.  Or, even end up in prison like my older son.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
My son is seven and I am in the same boat. I had to pull my son out of school and  put him in home school to keep him from hurting other kids in school.I  have 2 younger daughters that are hurt by my son on a daily basis. I love my son but share the same fears you have mentioned. Have you made any progress in your search for help? If so please share it with me. I am desperate.
152852 tn?1205717026
What does his doctor or therapist have to say about all this?  He's obviously very angry.  Getting a knife is really worrying.  Has he always lived in a peaceful, loving, conflict-free environment?  If not, it may be learned behavior and if so, there may be a lot more going on with him.  Again...what does his therapist have to say about all this?
Avatar universal
This may or may not help you but I use to live beside a preacher who would take in children that had true aggression problems. I am talking about kids that most psychologist gave up on. He would try to talk it out of them, but if they refused.. well he did not beat them or do anything cruel to them, but he would make them work -- constantly-- if they had down time they would eventually wind up in trouble so he just kept them busy working in the yard, on the ranch, etc...(Not really hard work--just lots of work).. If they did not do what they were suppose to do they got double the work and stand over them while they did it...  He would eventually get them to talk and eventually he would have the psychologist ween them off of their medications (of course you should do what you and your doctor feel is best).. He always said "most of the time it was a simple case of the child felt they had no control over their own life and where spoiled to make up for the lack of parenting--so they act out in angry and sometimes violent ways. The rest of the time the child felt they had no control over their own life and the parents did not seem to notice it." The man has passed on now, but out of the 100+ kids he had come through his doors--he only lost one to prison--the rest went on to lead normal lives and come back to the ranch now to see his wife. That said keep in mind this man was a rather muscular man who was not easily over powered--if your child is physically stronger than you it may not work, because with all angry kids--they will resist you at every turn at first. You don't have to make him work, but find something that is he responsible for and that keeps him busy--just make sure you or someone the child loves takes part in it so that the child has someone to trust.
It is very possible that your child resents your marriage, and his step-brother (while this is not your fault--he may feel that he had no control over the situation). On the other hand your son may have loved the man you lived with for 8 years and resents you for the demise of the relationship... I would definitely make him see a psychologist, and if that does not help--by all means get a second opinion--fourth, fifth. whatever it takes... You might even want to see one for yourself--this situation can not be easy on you and a psychologist might be able to help you cope as well.
Avatar universal
My 8 yr old also has ADHD and is severely apraxic.  We haven't tried drugs and there is nothing in our family dynamic that should cause such anger.  His speech issues do cause a lot of frustration for him, but his aggression is there whether or not he has tried and failed to communicate.  His two older siblings are typical kids.

The 8 yr old has had out of control behavior since he could walk with aggression by at least 3.  The school assigned us a school home counselor and that has been helpful.  

She's recommended elements from books like the ones listed below.  We borrowed the books and videos from the library of a local agency for people/families with disabilities .

http://www.thepsychfiles.com/2007/10/episode-33-timeout-revisited-dealing-with-challenging-kids-part-1/
http://www.explosivechild.com/books/index.html

1-2-3 Magic (I wouldn't use it for all the situations described, ie bedtime as I remember how horrible my nightmares were and how terrified I was of the night as a kid, into my teens.  No problems with it anymore. ;-)

http://www.parentmagic.com/

For getting husbands, siblings, and teachers to get a clue what it's like to be the troubled kid videos like:  http://www.ricklavoie.com/gateindex.html

and play therapy with family counseling (that I can not afford) ;-)

But, by far and away the biggest help has been removing dairy and gluten from his diet completely.  It is hard to maintain for the first month, have to learn about all the hidden ingredients and change cooking buying habits.

We started with dairy at 3 because 3 people over the prior year had suggested it and he had physical symptoms of excema, leaking eyes, ear wax and congestion (he was negative by scratch test)  all the symptoms went away for good and he went from non communicative to making leaps in learning.  He started to sign, before  that there was zero communicative intent.  He couldn't even make sense of a picture board.  I was able to put him down when people came to visit, he had always cried before, unless in my arms.  But then he reached a plateua which was still way too much aggression and impulsiveness although he did continue to learn sloowly.  Seven weeks ago I took gluten out of his diet.  After 2 weeks of being gluten free we had days at a time where he behaved like a normal kid.  And has made huge leaps with his speech and academics.  Since then we've challenged him with bready foods and within 30 minutes Mr. Hyde is back for the next 24 hours.  It is like night and day.  We still have occassional bad days where I can't figure out the trigger.  He may be sneaking things, he may be sharing food with kids at school, he may be reacting to something else entirely.

It seems like the offending foods were doing something to raise his stress levels and now he only exhibits his maladaptive behaviors when you would expect a kid to be stressed and behave badly (when hungry, bored or tired).  I tried the diet change because of comments from other parents with special need kids.  I waited a long time to try because the Dr. dismissed the idea.  I have heard that soy, corn... can also be a problem for some kids.

I haven't tried the Omega3's (EPA/DHA) yet but have heard that people are having good luck with it.

In a quick search here are some articles regarding diet I can't comment on how good they are:

http://www.cspinet.org/new/pdf/dyesreschbk.pdf

http://www.childwisdom.org/dietfactors/

Wishing you all the best, Jodie
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