Help! My 10 year old crys over EVERYTHING!

[Kcrhea]

So..my 10 year old daughter crys all the time..literally! Me and her father are not together but we are both re-married! She does this at both houses. She will start crying if i get on to her for doing something..or me telling her to do something she don't want to...she also crys when i turn the tv. I know some of this is being a kid..but its is every day! I don't mean just cry either...she will cry for an hour or better over little things! I have tried talking to her but nothing helps! She bellers like a bull...loud and will stomp her feet! Nothing i say or do will make her stop! I am at the end and dont know what else to do! Can anyone help?

[specialmom]

Rockrose asks a really good question.  How is she at school?  What are they reporting?  Kids at home tend to be much different than when in the school setting (or not).  And this is really valuable information.  Presumably kids are much more comfortable at home and school makes them stretch and grow in very valuable ways but some kids struggle with this.  That second set of eyes is really helpful in my opinion for understanding our kids. It's also telling when a problem happens primarily or ONLY at home . . .  

To me, just on the surface of what is written here, she sounds like she needs some help regulating her emotions and communicating them.  Crying is a form of communication.  But it is a primitive one.  She's not just crying when sad but when frustrated, mad, overwhelmed, etc.  So, in a fun way, you can talk about other ways to communicate how she is feeling.  I have done role playing with my kids.  I make it funny when I do the undesired behavior (which is the one I'm usually trying to correct) so they don't feel attacked.  And then I role play other ways of handling it.  This gives them ideas of what they can do.  And if she uses any other way to express herself, praise her praise her praise her!  :>)  

Now, I think it is really hard on kids to have two households they go to so it would be good to kind of keep things consistent in both places.  Coparenting works best this way.  

Let us know how this goes!!!  good luck

[specialmom]

Oh, and one other note on regulating emotion.  Physical activity is really valuable.  Taking kids to parks, to play areas, setting up obstacle courses at home, swimming, etc. is very helpful for overall mood regulation.  Followed by plenty of rest at bed time, it often puts kids in a better frame of mind to handle the daily stress of life.  So, work on this aspect too depending on where things are at now.  good luck

[RockRose]

How is she in school?

[purple1234567]

Ten can be a tough age- in order to know how to handle the tears, I think you need a better idea of what the cause is.  Does she cry to manipulate so she doesn't have to deal with things, is she crying because she isn't feeling safe for some reason, is she crying because she is having a hard time dealing with some hormonal changes (maybe going through puberty), and the list of possibilities could go on.  It could even be a mix of things.  

It's likely that what sets the tears off that you see, isn't actually the cause- it's important to be patient, but firm with her- make her feel safe and let her know when she is ready to talk more about her emotions- you are there.  I think it's also ok to let her know that she can control her emotions- emotions are great- they are needed, but when they start to control us- it's a problem.  I always ask my kids who exactly is in charge- is it them or their emotions?  If it's the emotions, you can let her know that emotions are bad 'driver' (I always tell my kids it's like letting the emotions drive a car).  If she can learn to control the emotions, she can also navigate them better and use them to help her navigate things.  All this takes a lot of time and patience to work through!

I'd encourage you to bring a counselor into it- go to a few family sessions and let her go on her own a few times- see if the cause of the tears can't be narrowed down a bit, then you can beginning to tackle how to help her walk through feeling the emotions without them controlling her.  

[Sharryn92]

Hi kcrhea i have a step daughter who was exactly the same my husband or i would just have to ask her not to do something not in a mean way or anything and she would ball her eyes out she got better with age she will be 12 this year i think some children are just super sensitive