Help with my 9 year old's emotions/ frustration

[lovingmomZA]

My 9 year old son is having a very difficult time losing.  Whether it is losing playing a video game, losing in gym, losing in baseball- he can not contain himself.  He has been crying since he began  playing sports at 4 years old.   We thought he would outgrow it as he developed emotionally.  But now- he is very aware of his behavior and that he doesn't want to cry. He says he just wants to be "normal".  It now has escalated to that he put teeth marks into his arms to stop, run head first into the side of the gym to stop the frustation... It is affecting him at school now too.  My husband and I are at a loss.  We talk to him and tell him that it doesn't matter if he wins or loses that as long as he had fun and did his best that's all that matters.  He understands it when he is not in the moment.  But when he is in the middle of playing a game, his emotions win.   I'm sure it is effecting his peers perception of him and we don't want him to be scorned amongst the other kids.  Please help.

[Susie24]

I think the worst thing you could do would be to "let him win" all the time because of his problem.  Perhaps you & your spouse could explain first & do some role playing in front of him.  Explain this is how you act & why & this is how not to act & why.
Then role play with him & teach him how the winner should act & how someone that "didn't win" should act.  
Do some research about sportsmanship.  This may help.
My  7 yr old has a problem w/ losing.  It's frustrating but the most important thing is being consistent.  I asked a Child Psychologist & she basically said ignore his tantrems.  Dont want to give them even more power by acknowledging it.  She said to continue along w/ whatever you or the group was doing.  It's a hard lesson-being a good sport but- its a very important one that can eliminate a lot of heartache for them in the future.  ~Good Luck!

[gosikx]

I totally understand where you coming from.  My daughter had the same problem she's going on six.  She cannot lose at anything so finally I went to the stores picked up some games that we can play as a family and we started playing with her.  The first time we let her win but after that when she didn't we explained to her that it's only a game or it's only a toy.  It took us a while to break her down but just keep on reminding him that it's ok sometimes to lose, maybe by him playing games with you and your husband and explaining to him it's ok he might change but you have to be very consistent with how you explain to him.  Hope it works :) besides that you are doing a good job.

[gosikx]

I totally understand where you coming from.  My daughter had the same problem she's going on six.  She cannot lose at anything so finally I went to the stores picked up some games that we can play as a family and we started playing with her.  The first time we let her win but after that when she didn't we explained to her that it's only a game or it's only a toy.  It took us a while to break her down but just keep on reminding him that it's ok sometimes to lose, maybe by him playing games with you and your husband and explaining to him it's ok he might change but you have to be very consistent with how you explain to him.  Hope it works :) besides that you are doing a good job.