How can I get my wife to understand she's feeding our 6-year old an unhealthy diet?

[jl123290]

My son is very large for his age. He is not fat (though he does have a little bit of a belly). He is just big. Since he was a baby he has always been at the high end of the growth charts (if not above their limits even). He is very physically active and plays a lot of sports. In general he sweats a lot and he developed body odor under his arms at the age of 4.

At the age of 5 we saw a pediatric endocrinologist because we were worried about precocious puberty. All of his tests results were normal. The conclusion was that he is really fed too much and we were referred to a nutritionist.

The pediatric nutritionist felt strongly that his diet included too many calories. It also included too much sugar. This was no surprise to me. I had been telling my wife since he was 2 that she was feeding him too much. My wife totally dismissed the endocrinologist and nutritionist (despite both of them being highly respected in the medical community) and she continues to feed my son far too much. In fact, it has gotten worse. She now regularly gives him junk food (candy, ice-cream, cookies, etc.) that she calls snacks multiple times per day between the over-sized, questionably healthy meals. Breakfast used to be a variety of eggs, oatmeal (not instant, but old fashion), and cereals. Now it is almost 100% chocolate balls cereal. Beverage with his meals are never just water. It is often a sugary yogurt drink and a juice.

I just can't get through to my wife. It is not that she doesn't care. Actually, it is the opposite. But she somehow fully believes that she is doing good. I cannot convince her that she is making huge mistakes. She won't stop. The more I try to explain and/or protest, the more she pushes back.

Also, because of all of this when I try to take more control and feed him more healthily my son is not satisfied. He constantly asks for more. And my wife gives it to him.

What can I do???

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess it all depends on how far you are willing to take the argument.  There is little enough you can do by complaining about it on the Internet, you have to be more active, either by getting doctors involved again or (I guess in a worst case scenario) lawyers, if you think the problem is serious enough to be life-threatening to your child.  Have you written down a week's worth of the snacks you see her feeding him, so you have an accurate record?  Have you kept the grocery-store receipts?  Have you tried talking to your son about this kind of eating being bad for him?  Have you tried to talk to your wife's mother about what she is doing in hopes her mother can make her understand it is a bad idea?  Are you even on speaking terms with your wife?  (If my husband said to someone else that I had twisted beliefs, I would know my marriage was pretty much over.)  If you think this is life and death in terms of your son, you have to act.  If you think this is more likely you and your wife having a power struggle, then you probably should work on it from that point of view.  Good luck.

[AnnieBrooke]

If you cannot get through to her that she is putting your child on the road to obesity and diabetes, and a doctor cannot get this through to her, I am not sure what to recommend to try to get the message through.  She should talk again to the nutritionist, if she would listen.

[jl123290]

That's the problem. She won't listen! She has a twisted, but complete, belief that there is nothing wrong with what she is doing!

She won't even entertain the thought that she could be wrong.