How to help my shy 11 yr old son

[dawn110574]

I have an 11 year old son that is so shy he rarely talks to teachers or peers. He seems to only be comfprtable with immediate family. I feel he is an unhappy child and I don't know how to help him. He does well in school (grade wise) and excells in sports. He has a mild speesh impediment that I worry causes him to be made fun of and that is why he won't talk. He is so shy when he missed a day of school instead of turning in the previous days homework he received a "0" instead of walking up to the teachers desk and turning in his work. When I asked why he didn't turn in his homework he said he was too shy. Can anyone relate to this problem, if so please help me and me child.

[specialmom]

Hi,  well, by nature some people are just more quiet and shy.  I've been that way in the past.   As time, I got more and more able to converse and be myself.   But still, in some situations, I freeze up a bit.  It's my natural personality.  I'm not uncomfortable being this way.  Is your son??  That is a big question-----  does he desire to be more outgoing?

Now, some people do suffer anxiety and more to this subject, 'social anxiety'.  They have that internal fear that paralyzes them.  This is something that a therapist could certainly work on with him.

I think when you have someone that is super shy, keep building those relationships for them (working on it, I mean).  I'd look for a couple of kids directly in his class that you can help him bond to.  Invite those kids in a one on one situation with your son (one at a time) and do something with them.  Take them somewhere cool or have them over paying attention to the details of making it fun for the visiting child especially.  This encourages friendships that will make him 'more himself' in the classroom.  With his teacher, I'd talk to her and explain that he is very shy.  Maybe you, the teacher and your son could have lunch together in the classroom or lunch room.  Maybe the teacher could give him a special project or job in the class to work on with her to get to know her and then with another child to get to know them and be more comfortable.  

What about activities?  What does your son do now?  We have boyscouts here which is a great organization for connecting with others,  Does he do any sports??  Most of what kids do nowadays, there are groups and organizations you can participate in around it.  Karate or martial arts are suppose to be fantastic for confidence building and self esteem.
Try to figure out how he feels about this.  That is key to understanding him.  good luck

[fatimaeff]

i hav exactly the same prob.my son too is 11 yr old and has misarticulation prob.from the beginning he is going to montessori school.but there is no improvement in him.just he is free with his familt and some friends thats it.how can i help him this is my biggest prob and query.plzzzzzzzzzzz help me out anybody.ill be thank full to u.

[jdtm]

Dawn - please see my reply on the Child Behavior Forum - there is hope.