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Parenting Children (6-12) Community
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Avatar universal

It's ok for a 12 years old to sleep with her father

my boyfriend is a divorced father of a 12 years old daughter, she doesn't live with him but with  her mom in another country, she comes to visit him 2 weeks every six months.It seems everytime she comes to visit him, he stays in her bedroom until she falls asleep, and it seems when I spend the night over his place she gets really uneasy and doesn't want to fall asleep unless he lays in her bed. I feel a little uncomfortable with this situation and spoke to my boyfriend about it, but he gets really mad and doesn't want me to sleep over his house, or spend much time together while his daughter is around. I don't really know what to do, what should I do ???
7 Responses
535822 tn?1443976780
It is possible that by making an issue of it you have made him feel guilt that he doesnt have to feel. He doesnt see his daughter very much,you say he lays on the ,do you get on well with her. I do not see any harm in a father laying on his daughters bed as she is from  another country,she could be home sick , maybe misses her mom and needs company.So you have 2 choices , let him do what he wants to do twice a year or get out of his life ...
Avatar universal
He should not be sleeping the night in the bed with her, that would be highly inappropriate.

If you were not rude and gentle with your question to him, his hostile reaction seems suspicious to me, as if he is hiding something.

It does sound a bit suspicious, no offence.
Avatar universal
You make it sound bad. Maybe she's just a daddy's girl and misses him.
Avatar universal
Still sounds pretty suspect, regardless of why it's happening.  She's twelve.  Not five.  She's probably got boobs or at least the start of them for goodness sakes.  Not appropriate.  I wouldn't even let my husband do it with our children.  Notice I said husband.  Nope, nope, nope.  Weird.  Just plain weird.
Avatar universal
I find it wrong wrong wrong to suggest that every man is a pedophile.   Saying that any father who sleeps in a bed with a 12 yr old daughter is suspect means that every man would harm their own daughter no matter what.   That is absolutely ridiculous and simply mean and hateful.  

However, if the daughter is having difficulty sleeping, the father might want to back off on this.   You can explain that one things a child needs is the ability to soothe themselves and learn to fall asleep on their own.   A bit of comfort is okay, but if the child cannot get to sleep on her own, the father is not helping.  This way you acknowledge the father's love for the daughter and the even greater gift he can give her by teaching her to take care of herself.   Sometimes it hurts to do this in the short term, but in the long run it helps the child..
Avatar universal
For the people saying it's weird, is it also weird for a mum to sleep on a baes with her daughter? Also didn't the original post say he lays on the daughters bed till she falls asleep?
11250009 tn?1423280176
Get another boyfriend...
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