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2097069 tn?1335282883

Need Advise on 8 yr step son please...

I dont know what to do anymore with him. He is 8 1/2 years old and my bf has full sole custody of him. His mother is a dead beat parent and list him when he was 6 months old. But he is so annoying me lately i dont know what to do. I love him like he is my own child but the way he acts drives my nuts. For example he ***** his thumb with a pillow and recently caught my 6 year old doing it. Mind you he NEVER sucked his thumb or used a pacifier. He talks back to me and always has a crappy reaponse to anything I say to him. And he trysis to bossthe me aroundand telling meme what Ito should and shouldnt be doing. He treats my 6 year old like crap and a lot of times he bossy and so controlling to my son that he acts out and hits him. They are always fighting and hitting each other. My bf doesnt really ever say anything to him about anything or the way he acts. A lot of times my kids are always the topic of discussion because my youngest son has severe ADHD and my oldest daughter is Bi-Polar. I have mentioned to my bf that he shouldnt be sucking his thumb at his age and always carrying around his pillow and he blows it off like its no big deal he is just a kid. Well his thumb sucking has caused his adult teeth to be bucked now and all his teeth are a mess. I just dont know what to do anymore with the way he treats me or the way he talks to me. I have enough on my plate with all the kids and loosing my mind. Anyone else ever delt with this n how did you handle it?  
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973741 tn?1342342773
Oh goodness.  My sons are 8 and just turned 7.  Um . . . they've been out of school for not yet a week and I'm feeling quite challenged by them.  They are fighting a lot.  I'm the referee.  Sound familiar?  Just because my 8 year old is older . . .  well, he's not THAT much older and he is acting pretty typical for his age as is my 7 year old.  

You've started to date someone with a kid which ups the chaos significantly in your life.  Two boys within 2 years of each other?  Chaos.  And that they don't know each other well, have different histories up until now, etc is going to make that harder.  

This boy was abandoned by his mother.  This means he could have some emotional pain.  Suc king one's thumb is a comfort habit.  Some kids his age and older will su ck on things for relief from anxiety.  I would look at it as something you want to help him with rather than this irritating annoying habit he has.  That your child now is picking it up?  Well, perhaps your child is stressed now by this whole thing as well.

It is very difficult to blend two families and even more so when they have complicated histories.  

I would work on calming things down in the house for everyone.  I'm big on distraction and wearing them out.  Lots of activity and fun things helps them behave better.  

You don't really hit any thing that makes me think of adhd from this description as this all sounds pretty normal to me especially for a boy that has had some rotten parent issues in his life (as in his mother).  

Stay patient and calm with him.  If he needs to soothe his nervous system and relieve his anxiety through 's uck ing', give him things to chew or s uck on.  Things like a straw cut in half or coffee stirer.  Or they make rubber items kids can use.  If it is habit, having him have something else comforting.  He can sleep with a stuffed animal and with a night light.  Bribe him, I was a late thumb s ucker and was ready to give it up when my mom offered me money to do so.  Bonus!!  But shaming him for it will not work or acting like it is disgusting/awful.  Instead, be sensitive to his needs for comfort.

good luck
Helpful - 0
2097069 tn?1335282883
There is more to it but could only write so much. As to the counseling we (my children and I) r in counseling but my issue here is why I should let one child or I should say my bf too not correct one childs behavior and let another childs behavior go un noticed. My children are punished more for their behavior then his child. To me thays not fair at all. Yes his thumb sucking is a problem because I dont want my children doing it at that age. Its ok and cute when they are 2-3 years old....not when they are almost 9. I try and keep a tight ship in my home and when my bf comes home from work his son completely acts like a baby and whines like a 2 year old.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I am not understanding how this one boy has more or worse behavioral issues than the others - it sounds like you have many children there who are all very challenging.  

If I had to rank things that need addressing,  I don't know that I'd rank thumb sucking with a pillow as worse than your children who have  issues with severe ADHD and bipolar disorder.   It sounds like you could use some help with creating order and harmony in your household,  especially with the brand new baby.  Can you seek family counseling?
Helpful - 0
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13167 tn?1327194124
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