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Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
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15 year old daughter having sex

I just found out that my 15 year old daughter and her 16 year old boyfriend had sex for the first time recently in our home. They are not ever here alone but are allowed to be in her room with the door open. They did use protection thank goodness, but I am unsure how to proceed . Any advice would be appreciated.
13 Responses
Avatar universal
hi im cora ive a 15 year old son and no matter what rules you put down they always find ways around them . even with you daughters room open they still got to have sex i think the fact they used protection is a big plus . so many young people dont
Avatar universal
i think it's normal for teens to experiment like that, and thank god they used protection... wouldn't even punnish her for it.
Avatar universal
Sex is just a part of life and they're going to find a way no matter what. They used protection so you have already done something right :-) I would put your daughter on birth control...not punish her! I think the more you take the curiosity factor out of things, it changes their perspective. You should be open and honest with each other and really talk to her about everything :-) try to make talking about sex, drugs or whatever, like talking about the weather. I wish you luck :-)
Avatar universal
Sex is just a part of life and they're going to find a way no matter what. They used protection so you have already done something right :-) I would put your daughter on birth control...not punish her! I think the more you take the curiosity factor out of things, it changes their perspective. You should be open and honest with each other and really talk to her about everything :-) try to make talking about sex, drugs or whatever, like talking about the weather. I wish you luck :-)
13167 tn?1327197724
I don't agree, with a 15 year old.  I think more that way with a 17 year old.  

So this is a slippery slope.  If you put a 15 year old on birth control then do you just stay downstairs and turn the tv on loud so you can't hear them groaning upstairs?  It's hard to pay for birth control  and then insist that she behave modestly and respectably in your home.
3 Comments
having sex does not mean that you are disrespectful. sex is not bad unless it is unsave, if someone is not consenting to the sex, or if someone is being cheated/lied too. i don't see how someone doing something so natural and so common means that they are disrespecting anyone. it's her body, she is not harming anyone by choosing to have sex, and it's really not anyone else's business but hers and her partners (and her doctor, should she choose to go on birth control).
*unsafe
I beg to disagree, sex should not be ncouraged for a 15-year-old. Apart from the physical unwanted consequences she is not able to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with sex at this age.
I advice the mom should have a heart-to-heart talk with her daughter about the pros and cons of sex. She might be acting out of ignorance or urgency for something she will definitely have in the future if she can be patient.
Avatar universal
I just posted a similar question looking for like minded parents to my views regarding 2 16 year Olds in monogamous relationship having protected sex. I am conservative.  I value kids learning that they can't always have what they want now.i accept they will try to find privacy for sex now that they've tried it. I consider it my job to follow my moral values with my underage daughter. This means I will not punish or verbally demean her. She has been told I think less of the young man who deflowered her having told both of them my views..i also now have tangible reasons to lessen her freedoms as she lied and broke my trust.  I believe they have dozens of years to experiment with sex and that there are many other areas of their lives to develop at this age. Delayed gratification seems to be a lost value in our culture.  Even reading these posts no one mentions that while kids will do what they do it is part of a parents job to encourage teens that laws exist for a reason and that parents are still the rule setters..even if kids break the rules I will make a dignified effort to thwart their sneaking arpund.i am not excited about double checking and confirming my daughter's plans. I'm disappointed that the many freedoms she had earned are now in jeopardy.  But she will experience the cost of gratifying her hormonal urges in seeing how much freedom and trust she has lost. I will not act angry or put out...but I will be on top of her activities and social outings.
Avatar universal
2nd thought.as parent of newly sexually active teen I see it as my job to help protect my daughter from herself. It's like protecting a 5 year old from a dangerous street he wants to cross with his best friend who is 7. Both mean well but can't possibly forsee all the dangers I see. Does this mean I never let them cross without me? No. But it's my job to parent them and my right to follow my morals when I'm paying the bills.these young people are still not financially independent. If my morals were such that I saw experiment ing at 16 as ok I'd go with it. But I don't and I'm proud of that..already I sense that sex is predominating their plans for time together. In my opinion this means they (she) needs to be kept busier. My dh and I think about it less when we're tired. Anyone out there with me on any of this?
Avatar universal
I agree with all you have said. I just found out my 15 yr. old was having sex and I did go crazy, punished her, etc. For having sex at 15,for not listening to a thing we have talked about and lying! If I hadnt it would be like its ok and in my opinion its NOT!!
1 Comments
kelley, i am disgusted. why would you punish your child for choosing to have sex? don't make her feel guilty for having sex. SHE made a choice to do something with HER body, not yours.
Avatar universal
One more comment - some laws exist for wrong reasons, unrealistically high age-of-consent / age-of-voting / similar "age" laws are based around non-facts, false science, irrational fears and desire to dominate and oppress (the young).  Overprotective adults and paedophiles are two sides of the same coin.
Avatar universal
I agree with you.  I just found out about my 15yo and I am beyond upset.  She was talked into sending some compromising pictures to an ex boyfriend and he then used those pictures to blackmail her into sex in the school bathroom at lunch!  It came out of left field!  I just don't know where to go from here!  Any suggestions?
Avatar universal
There is nothing wrong IMO with teens having sex. As long as it is good sex. Meaning consensual on both sides, pleasurable and fullfilling for both sides, safe, responsible and in the context of a loving, trusting, respectful relationship. If either party is having sex for the wrong reasons then it is not good sex. If it is unsafe or unprotected it is not good sex. If teens are getting pregnant or STIs it is not good sex. If one party is coercing the other it is not good sex. Sex is a natural part of growing up. It doesnt make a teen cheap, slutty, unrespectable, or less than. We need to stop putting these ideas into teens heads esp. our daughters. If a teen values themselves and understands the responsibilities that sex entails and they choose to have sex that should be their right. IMO parents shld focus on empowering their children to make good choices and equipping them to make those choices. Educate them about contraception. Talk to them about the new emotions sex might bring up. Let them decide what is best for them. At 18 they are considered adults. When does the transition from adolescent  to adult occur? During thrse precious years of 15 to 17. Give them room to become their own people. Humans are sexual creatures and teens of this age have the same desires snd needs as adults. Give them more credit. Having sex does not automatically mean they are barefoot and pregnant or forever ruined for college. They are not throwing their lives away. They are simple experiencing life! Stop demonizing sex. And stop thinking your teen cant handle the emotions and responsibilities of sex. They will know when they are ready. Some may not be ready until they are in their 20s. Others may be ready at 15. Everyone is different and matures at different rates. And plz stop trying to impose your personal religious beleifs on your children. This can have disastrous effects when it comes to sex. Ive seen so many horrible situations growing up in the church. Young girls learning to value themselves based on their virginity. People getting married too soon cuz they wanted to havebsex only to see their marriages disentegrate. Just give your teens the room, trust and freedom to become who they want to become , not who YOU want them to become.
2 Comments
Its naormal to have sex
When I was 15 almost 16 I got on the bus and rode to another town where there was a planned parenthood. I  got myself on the pill. My sister found my pills and showed them to my mom. She was mad but she got over it. If I had become an unwed teenage mother it would have been very difficult to get a college education. I think my mother stopped being mad when she realized I had more sense than God gave a chicken.
Avatar universal
sex is a part of life. its going to happen at some point to everyone! its normal for 15-18 year olds to have experiment sex. just make sure she knows to use protection always and that your free for any questions.
1 Comments
I disagree in a few things. First of all sexual intercourse is a gift from God and yes it is part of life BUT we must remember that it is only part of a MARRIED LIFE. It is inappropriate for teens to have sex at such a young age without understanding the true meaning of sex as a gift from God which is a gift of life. The main goal of sex is to give life, to be pregnant, and to be pleasured by this gift.
Avatar universal
Having sexual intercourse is a gift from God. Its true meaning is procreation. Therefore having sex is exclusive only for married couples. Sex outside marriage is a sin because the main goal of sex is being neglected. God made sex pleasurable because it is sort of a reward/bonus for being God's instrument for procreation.
1 Comments
No magical sky daddy is wat bing people have sex and even if he was real I doubt he’d care. This kind of thinking has no place in the real world.  Sex is perfectly normal and they’re at the age that they start feeling the urges. Make sure she knows how to be safe
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13167 tn?1327197724
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