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Avatar universal

15 yr old daughter out of control please read!!!

My daughter is 15, long story! Ok, she used to be honor role student, then when she got into hi school she completely changed! Not to mention, she begged and begged for me to find a house to rent for we lived in a mobile home park. During that time she became defiant, constantly lying, refusal to come home and stayed at a friends house. I finally sold my mobile home, got a house "that she wanted SO bad" and now she is completely destroying our family! She has gotten so abusive in that she calls me HORRIBLE names, she is "Extremely Manipulative" and very cold type personality, "UNTIL she WANTS something, then she puts on this fake "NICE" attitude and when she does not get her way all ****breaks loose! This is some of the things she does: When i am on the phone with my mom or whoever, "she" follows me around up in my face demanding for me to get off the phone, it gets SO bad! I want to smack her face, but hold it in. My mom witnesses this behavior as she is on the phone with me! She uses people to her advantage, to make things convenient for her and "everyone" sees this in her! Now she tries the "crying" game to get her way, she has kind of like a FIT, screaming, kicking, complete hysterics! Let me explain what i go through for her! We move, she needed to go to another hi school but "Refuses" to do it, so, i have to drive her at least 15 miles 1 way to take her to her old school! She is very unappreciative of anything, anyone does for her! This has taken a toll on our family! She used to be the fly girl in cheer in the 9th grade, but, her grades went from A's to F's, then, they kicked her off the team because of the grades. She is 10th grade now, and has a horrific personality! She was at my moms, got in her car/fighting with boyfriend & smashed my moms windshield in (that cost her $140 to have replaced) My daughter seems to lack a conscious or empathy for others! She is obsessed with her looks in that she takes 1,000's of photos of herself and uploads them on the PC, it is "ridiculous" to put it mildy! She also is obsessed with her eyes! She is latino and has beautiful brown eyes, but, she got these contact lenses to change her eye color, and to be frank, she looks EVIL with these on her eyes! She even SLEEPS with them on. We have ALL told her she was going to damage her eyes, she doesnt care! The school she goes to is in a "wealthy" family part of town, in fact, her boyfriend lives in a mansion, literally! She is hateful because her closet is not full of Juicy Couture, like the boyfriends sisters closet is! She thinks that she has to have $200 jeans? She is very hi maintenance and is destroying our lives, "and" she knows it, and she does not care! Her stepfather is a good guy and has been raising her since she was 8, she used to adore him, until she hit the age 13, shoot, she only seems to adore herself or is it a self hatred she has within her? I have rad about "sociopath" teens and i swear on everything "she fits the description! It is so hard to tell everything on here for there isnt enough room! Somebody, HELP! What can i do, i am at the end of my rope! I have a 10 & 4 year old to think about to! OH and the house she wanted so bad, well, she hates it! She doesnt like how the garage looks on the outside?? WHAT? The mobile we lived in, well, her bedroom was in the dining room, it was converted, her grandfather put up a wall, installed a door, now she has a nice bedroom, with a REAL closet, "NOTHING" i do is good enough for her! I had my girls in hip hop dance and that is NOT cheap! We used to go to competitions, it was great fun then, but, those years quickly go by. I wish i could upload a recording of "when she has her fits" i am sure you would find it disturbing!
14 Responses
1219217 tn?1283822650
wow i am 13 and i am saying you need to lay down the law you need to be stricter   cause the only reason there doing this is they know the can get away with it and maybe put her in counseling sometimes its better if she can tell someone everything maybe she has had a life changing experience if you want to talk i am here
Avatar universal
I'm 14 and i know the solution IS to smack her in the face.
I dont know what to do i have a 15 year old who was always a good student in school never gave me problems now she is hanging out with a girl who has major depression problems last year she was on suicide watch, my child thinks she cant talk to anyone besides her not my daughter is doing the same things she is and she constantly hates us meaning me and my husband we try to give her everything she wants and it just gets worse she calls me a bad mother and how she dosent feel loved now going to a counselor for a month now and telling me the counselor is saying she is depressed and its her parents fault but when i talk to the counselor she says its not that bad it is getting worse and worse she is tearing my whole family apart and dont know what to do, i think everything she is going through is because of this friend.
Avatar universal
Wow, you are an intelligent girl! Well, we tried "the being stricted" approach and the more we got, the worse she got! And, yes, there is something, dont know what, that maybe has put her over the edge, she is staying with my mom/dad who live 45 miles away. Here is the latest: Ok, first of all, she lost her cell charger so her grandpa lets her use his phone, my grandma "hides" her phone from her!! Anyway, my mom went through the text messages on it and found some disturbing stuff, for example: some guy name Bobby was telling her "you *****" and made some reference to her being naked, AND also on Sunday night about 10pm my dads phone rang, and my mom didnt answer it, but looked at the # then seen there was a voice mail, so she listened to it and it was this Bobby guy, this is what he said: hey, this is Bobby, dont call over here anymore, you'll get me in trouble. He's the one sending her those texts about her being naked, and she's a ***** AND saying something about "cleansing" after she does that kind of thing! My mom was OUTRAGED! So, last night, as I was  on cell with mom, my mom said it loud and clear os my daughter would hear about those texts messages. My daughter comes running out of my moms bedroom, and "Demanded" for her to give her "PROPERTY" back!!! And got in my moms face and tried to get all bad with her, my mom broke it down to her, "this is MY house your in and this is NOT your property and i will read your texts any ****time i want to! My daughter tells my mom: Get a life and what are you in the 3rd grade or what? My mom told me she wanted to punch her out! In the meanwhile, my dad, tells my mom to shut up, started yelling at her. He grabbed his phone from my mom and told me "no more" i do not want to hear this crap anymore tonight! So, they hung up! My mom was "really" ticked at this point and went to HER own bedroom and confronted my daughter about how she isnt going to put up with her disrespect! ARE U READY! My daughter YELLS at my mom to get the F out, to F off and called her a pshyco, SO my mom laid it on her and told her: You have a mental problem and that she needed treatment! My mom was SO ticked, she left, drove down to the store parking lot so we could talk. Mind you, i heard everything she said to my mom and yes i told my mom to tell her to stop talking to her that way. Anyway, my mom was crying, very upset and told me she wanted to leave that house for it was making her think suicidal thoughts! You see, my mom is 52 and has lots of health problems and stress sends her over the edge and makes her skin problem get worse and deepens her depression she already has to deal with everyday of her life! You see, my mom has witnessed how bad she treats me, she calls me a pshyco to, when she is the one that is A NUT CASE! GET this!  One time, she took my husbands cell and started walking down the road with it, so, he went after her and demanded it back, grabbed it out of her hands and SHE KICKED him and told him to F off!! Ok, back to my moms house, when all that was going on my dad tells my mom: You make me want to die! She told him, no, "you" are not going to blame that on me"!!! OH! And another thing! Ok, on Sunday, my dad asked my mom if she wanted anything from the store, and that he would go and get a bale of hay for her horse! My mom did not realize he took her SUV instead of his truck! (which is a 5 speed) My mom finally realized why he took her truck, "SO he could let her DRIVE my moms suv" After she realized that she came unglued and SCREAMED at my dad that she knew WHY he took her truck so my brat could DRIVE IT! She screamed: You "have a truck" yet you take my suv to go and get hay in it! And told him "She is NOT to DRIVE her suv!!! EVER! Shoot, she doesnt even have a driver permit! See AlleyCat, how my dad SPOILS my daughter even though he knows she is HORRIBLE! I think he just feels sorry for her!!! OMG! Feel sorry for her?? OH! did i mention how my daughter busted out my moms windshield? And shows absolutely "no remorse" for it! SO, yeh! like she deserves to drive it?? My daughter makes everyone HATE her! We are all SICK/TIRED of her CRAP! She leaves her clothes scattered all over my moms house and when my mom tells her "please" pick up your clothes" she ignores her! OH yeh! 1 day, my daughter was sitting on my moms bed, and tossed about 300 pcs of paper all over her floor!!!! My mom "asked her" gently at first, to pick up all the papers, and naturally she ignored it, SO, mom tells dad, dad goes and takes a BAG and screamed at her to pick up the papers NOW! She ignored him to! So, he picked them up! My mom feels like my daughters scattered all those papers to see if she could get a "reaction" out of my mom! I believe my mom's right!! My daughter loves to get people all pissed off, so everybody will start fighting!! God, im so tired and my mom is totally SICK of her. She told me she needed to be put in a group home! I SO agree with her! Well, tell me what you think?? Take care, K
1220347 tn?1345432121
Wow... just wow. You are definately going to need professional help with this one. I've met some kids like that and usually the reason they turn out like that is because as a child they were given everything that they wanted, never had to do anything, and were rarely if ever disciplined. Um... I'm only 17 and I have never been in a problem anywhere close to this one. My advice is for you to find someone who has. That's all I have, sorry.
1242014 tn?1303615790
well she sounds like shes rebelling big time. But, you never know whats going on in her life, peer pressure, she can be taking drugs, drinking. I think instead of getting mad at her you should all go to a familt therapist. Im a teen I know how we act she may be really upset about something that you have no idea about. I am not saying what shes doing is right because its very un called for but your her mom your the parent so as a parent you have to try your best to get her under control, find out the problem, and try your best to solve it. Let her know you want to have that relationship you two used to have before that you feel sad because you know that, that honor roll, cheer , happy teen is still in there and you don't want her to get upset and act like a little kid 24/7. Most teens , when they become around that age, they claim to be an adult, while there still acting like a child and need their mother/father the most. This is the age where they want independence but STILL rely on you. Some kids have alot of respect and some just go hay wire and thats your daughter. It does not mean shes a bad person, but you writing all this stuff saying im going to slap her and stuff ( which is reasonable because I probably would have slapped her a long time ago ) is making her turn away more and shes going to become more rebellious.

If a teen is trying really hard to get everyone mad she wants attention for some reason not just attentionwhore attention but its a cry for help. Just please see a family therapist with you the father maybe the grandma and whoever else is affected by this.

AND DO NOT ATTACK HER. That's what makes them act out more because the attitude is mainly "hey everyone hates me so might as well do more stuff to make them hate me even more"

just think in 20 years or so when she has her teen and shes calling you on the phone and her teen is doing the same thing, your going to laugh and remind her of how she used to act. You two are going to have a bond again eventually, its just the teens years bring alot of stress, anxiety, depression, etc now - a - days. Its not like before.

Im only 14 but hopefully you take my advice (:
1328168 tn?1275284347
Honestly, I treated my parents badly too in the past when I first went into high school. I started off with good grades, being the respectful girl my parents raised me to be. Then, I got into drugs ( weed ), drinking, and just thinking I was "cool." And I thought it was embarrassing to be around my parents, and drugs make you so depressed, yeah you feel good and stuff at the time, but then it messes with your emotions. I'm not saying she's doing drugs, but you should seriously just take her for a drug test just to see, I mean, it could explain a lot of things from her attitude. And with those texts with Bobby, she'll learn eventually, once she's hit senior year, she'll realize how rude and idiotic she was. I was down her stage before too, I've done probably everything she has to, she's still immature that's what her issue is.
And maybe something happened in her life, went to a party, got drunk and stuff might have happened. It does destroy a girl, and she'll push away everybody who ACTUALLY cares about her. But, what I would do is for a week treat her how she's treating you.
The thing with my parents was they never stopped caring for me, no matter how rude I was to them, and that's what motivated me to push them over the edge even more was because I thought, "hey, let's see what I can do and get away with it." Don't let her do that to anybody in your family.
Her ego is too high, that's just what highschool does, she doesn't want to be the "good" girl anymore, but she'll realize eventually that all those years she's spent goofing around and being so immature is leading her nowhere in life, I wish I could take back my grade 9 +10 year, I'm in my senior year of high school and I'm regretting so much of the past.
I wish you the best of luck though, don't let her tear your family apart, stay close for your own sake!
1327415 tn?1294061489
it honestly sounds like u might be making it worse. i'm going to give u an example that my counsellor gave me.:
so when an animal i hurt and you try and get close to it , it tries to attack you. it becomes angry and scary. but all you can see is the anger and agression but not the fact that its hurt.

your daughter obviously has a lot of emotional pain and she does not know how to express it and i think you make it worse every time you attack her weather thats mentally or physically. you need to calm down. you need to not hate her because she can sense it and it makes everything worse. your whole family are isolating her, she is obviously crying out for you to notice that she's hurting.

write her a letter. no hate. just letting her know that when she is ready to talk you will be there and that you love her and want a relationship with her. and that u think she is beautiful how she is

good luck and don't hit her.
1347963 tn?1276612776
im a teen to and ino why she is like this, i can sort of be the same same, mildly. she knows what she is doing and the fact she knows shes wrong makes her more angry and she doesnt know how to change so your gonna have to help her, and maybe showing no respect for her anymore might show her she cant always get her way
1339257 tn?1276835010
Have you taken her to a psychologist?  It seems to me, that she may have a mental problem hun. . .Hitting won't solve anything, to her you may be betraying her.  Furthermore, have you spoiled her all her life?  From baby to teen, have you let  have whatever she wants? Or have you always been strict?  If you have always been strict then it most definitely is a mental issue.
Avatar universal
She is definitely out of control. I grew up not with the best relationship with my parents as they are ill with 3 sickness's and I have had my depression and anxiety. I get bad with my mom.. but def not that bad.. kind of a relief to know in a way, but horrible to see that too. She is out of control, and I think you def should not give her anything. Make her work for it. Tell her if she works expensive clothes to buy it herself. Trust me, that will work! I was once a dumb 14 year old, now 19, and wanted a pair of "cool pants". Being sucked into what society tells me, I spent 80 bucks on them. I'm surprised you'd spend 200, my mother would only get me 2nd hand stuff ! Which is why I proceeded to get a job and money. After buying the pants, they ruined quite quickly, not only that but my friend stole them from me ! I very much regretted buying them.. and i'm sure once your daughter learns the value of a dollar, as well as what the real life really is about, then she will too. She sounds like she's just sucked into what society has done. Truly, do not blame yourself, you are a wonderful caring mother who only wants the best, and you are battling with society. Blame society. They are the influence to these bad things, the wants. They put things into kids to make them want want want, and want sex too. From what you say I can tell she is trying hard to fit in, and at times it doesn't go well, so she takes it out on her life at home.
1376502 tn?1278825748
Trust me i have been threw almost the exact same thing.. i was a A student and then highschool came around and i started hanging out with the bad kids.. well i missed 50% of my sophmore year and completely failed it.. not to mention i spent 6 days in a juvinal detention center.. that will straighten her up i promise.. i was the little brat that wanted everything handed to her and i was doing everything i could get my hands on then those 6 days i cried everyday and made me relieze what i had done.. now that im 16 and having to make up my sophmore year i relieze i wont be able to graduate with my friends unless i bust my *** off.. and i also reliezed i had completely screwed my life up.. i got addicted to sending pics to guys for like 3 months and ooo i completely learnt my lesson when they got sent to everyone and got the name of a *****.. even tho im still a virgin.. i know it might be the hardest thing to do but if u want ur daughter to make it n this world take it from someone whos been there.. it helps trust me.
Avatar universal
She's the 'normal' teenager in this generation. Makes you wish for the 'out of control' teenagers from back in the 50's. They were angels compared to these kids. Anyway, she knows not what she does.  She doesnt understand money doesnt grow from tree's. She doesnt understand all the hard work it takes to survive. She has no clue, so she is going to be destructive until she is out on her own and realizes what its like to pay bills.  I am going through this now and the only reason I am so calm is because I just sent my 16 year old, who has put me through pure HELL for the past 3 years, let me say that again, who has put me through pure HELL for the past 3 years, to go live with her Uncle tonight. I too, did everything for her. Moved heaven and earth so she live the neighborhood she wanted to live in. Broke my back and my mind to get here and she BLEW it big time.  Anyway, my mind is mush from everything we have went through and all I get is a six month break. I looked in her room today and she wasn't there, it made me cry, but I realized she needs a break from her own problems and hopefully my brother can help her.  I'm going to use this six months to try and change bad family habits and dynamics.  When I get her back, I will still have a year and a half to go until she turns 18.  This is very long batttle.
Avatar universal
OMG, that's exactly how my 15yr old daughter behaves, I am
Avatar universal
I might not fit in here....since my children are 35...30...& 21... I ventured here looking for help with my eldest sons oldest daughter (14)... I certainly do not envy you moms...n dads of today's youth...its parenting times 10.... I can't believe the mouths on some children...omGOSH...my children...would have been chewing on a spoonful of laundry crystals....through puberty... I'd like to ask if you and your family belong to a good Church.... & perhaps a conversation with your Pastor...Minister.... Rabbi... or Priest....might help...it can't hurt...another suggestion...go to your local PD...talk to an officer...(off the record...of course) see if you might be able to convince he or she to pay a visit to your house...and scare the poop out of her...they can "unofficially" recommend some community service hours...ect...working with underprivileged youngsters...or the elderly...might just nudge her back to reality...but it sounds like she NEEDS...to have some responsibilities...people that count on her...etc...
(Can't hurt...lol)
God bless all of you parents...my heart breaks for each and every one of you... You're all added to my prayer list tonight...

Get a copy of THE POWER OF A PRAYING PARENT...by Stormie Omartin...you WONT be disappointed.... Trust & Believe
Also...Google... Millenials...it shed a bunch of light for me...our kids have grown up as "screen junkies"... & sadly...it shows.
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