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Almost a Step Mom in a World of Teen Troubles

I am in a difficult situation.  I have been with my fiance for 10 years.  He has a 14 year old son who he has full custody of since his wife left when he was 4 years old.  We have always had a great relationship.  I also have a daughter who is 10 years old and they get along really well.  However, it is my fiance's parents that have been causing problems pretty much from even before she was gone.   My fiance was devastated when she left and they lived with his parents, so they helped take care of his son while he got himself together which was really about 3 months, but he was there the whole time.  The issue is this: my future step son has literally gotten everything he wants all the time.  He has every game system, over 250 games between computer and otherwise, toys, airsoft guns and a BB gun which I am against because he is not responsible enough.  Literally everything,  No matter what his dad says, they get it or do it.  He is home bound from school due to a few health issues the doctors are trying to figure out but they refuse to set any rules, chores, or even a bedtime.  They let him stay up until 4 or 5am or sometimes 24 hours then complain when he sleeps for 15 hours. They even do his homework for him when he is quite capable of doing it, he is smart.  He throws temper tantrums like a 5 year old until he gets his way and they do it.  There is no discipline of any kind at all and if my finace says something, he gets yelled at for making his son cry.  I can't even say anything because they give me the whole he's not yours, you have no right etc. My fiance is at a loss because they do not listen to him either.  I need advice on what to say or do because I am sick with frustration at this point.  If anyone knows how to get him on a sleep schedule and how to deal with the grandparents, please let me know!!
3 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
In my opinion,  a child who can't go to school because he has undiagnosed health issues doesn't need chores and lots of rules.  He's too sick to attend school,  no one knows what's causing this,  that's the focus IMHO.  

It is possible he will be getting better soon?
Avatar universal
Thanks for posting on my question.  The issue here is that he can run around the house and go out for a few hours if it is something HE wants to do and can be on the computer all day laughing and talking with his friends online. However when it comes to even getting up out of his chair or the couch to get himself his own drink or food, he expects everyone to do it for him.  As far as his health issues, he has asthma, allergies both indoor and outdoor (which is what they are working on), and he is bipolar.  What adds to his health issues is the fact that the grandfather is not consistent with his medications but gets mad if someone says something or tries to help.  Expecting him to clean up his own mess, or put his plate in the sink or trash is not asking a lot, but that doesn't even get asked of him.  Honestly, I am concerned for him long term because what kind of young man is he going to be if he expects this to continue his entire life?  To top it all off, he says that when he turns 16 he's going to drop out of school, which the grandparents don't seem to think is a problem.  It's a big mess that I don't know how to fix or deal with.
Avatar universal
Do you guys live with his parents ?? If you don't tell them he's practically your son to and apparently all they know how to do is spoil him
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13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
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