Disturbing. What do I do? HELP!

Question

I normally get home from work at the office around 6:30 just in time to make dinner for my only son who is 16. I am divorced from his father and he is expected to take care of himself for the most part since i work monday through friday and sometimes on the weekends. Our office closed early the other week because it was discovered there was still asbestos insulation in the ceiling. I came home to find my 16 year old son on the computer masturbating to videos of women engaging in intercourse with different animals. I was completely shocked because he has never caused any problems, has a girlfriend and is a model student. What on earth should I do? I'm LOSING my mind! I thought i was a good mother!

UnhappySpices22 · Answer

My response may not help but tell him to watch non-illegal porn. Educate him on why bestiality and “zoophilia” is wrong and talk to him about it. I hope this helps :/

mohsinali788 · Answer

same issue but dont know answer

08rmk · Answer

This is how I got my start in the porn industry.  My mom saw some pictures on the screen and blocked the "internet", but there's more to the "internet" than webpages.  Usenet still remained wide open, and that's where I spent most of my early days.  I still spent a lot of time on the computer, even when I was "grounded", etc.  I should point out the only computer in the house was the one in the living room.

Fast forward 15 years.  I have a college degree in engineering, a great job, and I'm engaged to be married in December.  Both my fiancee and I routinely browse internet porn together and try out different things.  You never know what you'll find out interests you; and the sparks will fly.  As a side-business I run a small subscription-based internet pornography service from our house.  The revenue from this alone could provide a healthy living for the two of us.  

So stop being so paranoid.  There's a lot of things on the "big scary internet" that really aren't that bad.

swheeler · Answer

All the advice on here is very good. One thing though that is missing that many people don't realize is that pornography is an addiction and a very dangerous one too. It affects the chemicals in the brain just as much sometimes even worse than some drugs do and is much harder to get over because most of it is psychological (fantasizing, etc) and so it differs from substance abuse. It is extremely important to address the problem while children are young and to stay informed and keep up on it. 
My husband grew up with a lack of supervision and therefore had a lot of alone time which led to lots of pornography. Before we got married he started with the Lifestar program which is for individuals who have sexual addictions. I'm so grateful for this, because now we have a happy, healthy, open relationship and we learned much about it, so hopefully we will be able to put this knowledge to good use one day to help our own children. 
It's so hard now a days because so many people just accept pornography as a part of life and 'everybody does it so that makes it ok' but pornography just leads to deeper problems in the future. Sexual abuse, adultery, voyering, and many other pitfalls in life.
It's a never ending battle these days and as much as it is a hard reality to face, the consequences suffered for not doing anything about it are far worse.

pmsobx · Answer

Your not alone!!! I guess it is the modern "Playboy" of our times! My son is 15 and he just got caught for the third time looking at porn on the internet. But this time he was on CHAT!!! ERRRRRR. He is grounded from the computer until further notice. He doesn't understand that all of the perverts out there are sick!!!!! We discovered it on "cookies". Put a filter on your computer. I told my son that it was normal to be curious but by no means is it right! He said he had to go clean his room because he brain was beginning to rot from the computer. I hope he understands how important it is to not access that kind of stuff on the computer. As far as finding him masturbating, well I'm sure he was embarrassed! As well as you. But that too is normal. "BOYS!!!!!!!"!!!!!!!!!!!

April2 · Answer

I just realized my spelling was off. The filter we used is Spectra Soft, not Sectra. Sorry about that!

Momtoteenboys · Answer

I guess the porn sites are the modern "Playboy" magazines my brother and his friends snuck around with, but unfortunately on the internet they can access stuff 100 times worse than that.  Her advice on a filter is good.

April2 · Answer

The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and calm down. Then you sit down with him and calmly explain to him that porn is not allowed in your home. Educate yourself first and then talk to him about the porn industry and how it exploits people, especially women. It's very degrading. Tell him that porn shows an unnatural, unhealthy side of sex. These people don't care about each other. They are using each other for their own selfish gratification. They also never show how dangerous this practice is (unsafe sex) and how they are risking their own lives to things like AIDS, STD's, etc. Bestiality is particularly disturbing. It's one step down from S&M. Besides, think about the poor animals. Just like they are using and exploiting each other, they are using and exploiting animals. 

They've done studies that show that men who are heavily into porn have  harder time having a meaningful relationship with a woman and it also increases the risk of abuse in the relationship, not to mention how it destroys marraiges because it destroys trust. Go over all that with him. But wait till you've calmed down. If you start yelling, he'll tune you out. Show your concern. Let him see how serious this is. 

The next thing I'd do is get a moniter and put it on your computer. Be honest with him, if you want. You can tell him that you will be monitering the computer from now on. The one we have is called Sectra Soft. It was the best $100 we ever spent. We were honest with our kids. We told them we'd be monitering the computer. We started this when my son saw sites and things he shouldn't have when he was around 11 or so. He saw some horrible porn sites, like the beastiality you mentioned, that just sickened me. That my little boy saw this stuff, stuff that I had never even seen as an adult. It's so hard now days to raise good, moral kids because there's just so much out there that undermine that left and right. Especially now that every home has a computer. It's easier to get access to this stuff than when we were teenagers. 

Try and remember, he is a teenager and it's pretty normal for the hormones to be raging and for him to be thinking about sex a lot. But do let him know in no uncertain terms that the porn is not acceptable or ever will be. You might want to have a heart to heart with him too and see if he is sexually active. There's a good chance of that. 

I hope any of this helps. This does not mean you're not a good parent. Kids will try stuff. Don't forget, they are still growing and maturing and need our guidance more than ever in the teen years. We can't afford to be naive with our kids. I'm sure this has opened your eyes! Now you know what to look for and what needs working on. 
Nobody said parenting is easy, especially with teens. Stay strong, Mom! And write back if you want. We're here for you. We're all parents and we all need support sometimes. 
God bless.