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Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
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Avatar universal

How to get 17 year old daughter to stop hanging with an unsuitable boy

My 17 year old daughter has a boyfriend that she really likes and we really like.  He does not go to her school.  However, she has started hanging out with another boy that goes to her school.  He is younger, and not nearly on the same level socially as my daughter or her boyfriend.  She texts him, snapchats him all the time.  She claims they are just friends, and I do think she truly believes that, however I don't know if he believes that.  I also do not like this boy- he drinks, smokes pot, and doesn't have a great homelife.  My daughter is a major athlete and does not do those things--yet.  I've tried talking to her about it, explaining that there is such a thing as emotional cheating, and even gone so far as to delete his snapchats if I see them come through, before she sees them.  I don't want her leading him on, I don't want her getting a bad reputation and people talking about her behind her back about how much she hangs out with this guy, and I don't want her losing her good boyfriend over this boy that only spells trouble.   Any suggestions on how to get her to cool it with this guy?
3 Responses
134578 tn?1602101550
It can be hard when we don't like our kids' friends, but she's 17, nearly a legal adult, and should be able to make her own decisions about who her friends should be.  She'll figure out if he is good for her or not good for her by herself, which she is going to need to know how to do about friends and potential friends in the future (a future that is coming fast).  You're better off trying to get to know this kid and being friendly, than trying to control her actions.  Even if you don't mean it.    
13167 tn?1327194124
Mom,  you're too involved.  It's one thing to  want to limit her time with this boy who is a bad influence - but it's another to try to maintain her relationship with her current boyfriend.  The best way to try to get her to "cool it" with this boy is to approve of him.  Romeo and Juliet taught us that lesson!
Avatar universal
The best thing to do is find out what pleasure she gets out of interacting with this other boy. Maybe it's the closeness. Maybe she wishes her boyfriend was closer to her and went to the same school so she could see him more? Try asking her these questions and getting to the root of it, and then you'll know how to respond.
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13167 tn?1327194124
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