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Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
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Avatar universal

My 16 year old stepson has a women's underwear theft problem

He can't stop, he's been at it since he was 8. I married his mother 3 years ago, I was told about the issue but was told it was resolved. I have a 15 year old daughter who is in my custody and lives with us. He's been stealing her underwear for the last 3 years. We have caught him 5 times already. He either steals her dirty underwear to wear it, or he likes to take the clean underwear, wear it for a few hours then put it back in her clean drawer. I am disgusted and not sure what to do, his mother had him see a psychologist for 2 years to no avail, the doctor gave up and stopped wanting to see him. The boy's father have been jobless for 10 years now so he has no way of taking the boy to live with him. We have tried using locks on my daughter's bedrooms but he always finds a way to sneak in. This has put my daughter into depression and caused her to lose faith in me. I am not sure what to do.
5 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
Honestly,  it's hard to think that a 16 year old's behavior in the home has caused your daughter to fall into a depression - you might need to look more closely at a cause,  if in fact she's been diagnosed with depression.

How is he sneaking past a locked door?

13167 tn?1327194124
Additionally,  since he clearly has a women's underwear fetish and wants to wear women's underwear,  is there some reason he doesn't have his own stash?  It's unlikely a therapist will be able to "correct" this behavior,  as it is pretty ingrained,  and will likely continue all his life.  This isn't a one-off curiosity thing that he wants to see girly underwear and then he's done.  Cross-dressers,  even with only underwear,  is a lifelong behavior.
Avatar universal
We bought him his own women's underwear, it didn't work. My daughter is not clinically depressed, she is just in a very bad mood all the time because she feels violated.
Avatar universal
Can someone actually address the issue here and help me out with some advice on how to stop his behavior?
134578 tn?1614729226
I am sorry but as RockRose says, once a person has a fetish, it is really hard (if not impossible) for them to stop.  The more stressed they are, the more they want the fetish to help them self-soothe and the greater lengths they will go to, to get the fetish item(s).  All you can do is help him with generalized anxiety and continue to demonstrate to him that what he is doing is inappropriate because it violates his stepsister.  Has he been on an anti-anxiety medication?  It might help him have fewer "cravings" for the fetish that he cannot control.
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13167 tn?1327194124
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