So this is a bit personal and I would like opinions. I had anorexia through my whole childhood and teenage years. Once I went for 5 months without eating anything and was so skinny my spine stuck out etc. I am normal weight now as I had to put on weight to have children and would never go back to that weight because it would be to demanding on my body with a toddler and for health reasons. The problem is, I stare at Avalon my DD every day and wish she was thinner. Shes 19months and I had her in a swimsuit yesterday and this sounds terrible but I was a bit discusted because I thought shes put on weight. Then I was thinking ways to cut down her kj intake so I could slim her down, then I thought..OMG what am I thinking, this is stupid! I ask my DH is Ava fat all the time and he says no. The Doctor even said even though she appears happy and healthy she is too skinny for her height...shes very tall. My DD lips have never touched anything with sugar. I try not to give her bread, because I have this fear if she tastes anything different than her strict diet of fruit and vegetables she will never eat them again. This sounds terrible but I associate an eating disorder with 'taking care of your appearance' ...I don't want to think this way at all..sometimes I slap myself ..but its like deep down my brain is programmed to think like this. Its like for me to have a fat child would be like death, like Im a failure. I know, I could go on forever but I need some help so I'll start here.