Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
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Avatar universal

Anxiety? Opinion PLEASE

I have a son who is almost 5, he is the oldest of 3 boys, the others are 3 and 1. My husband is the dad to all of them, has weekends off and is home every evening, I stay at home with the kids. My concern is my almost 5 year old.
He is a very bright child who has always had things come easy to him, he was writing his name at 20 months...on his own. He learned to read on his own, we just always read to him and now can do math and reading at levels beyond 3rd graders. My concern is this...he thinks he is charge. It is not a phase of being bossy...he is never mean or smarty-pants like in his approach...he truly wants to be helpful. He talks to his little brothers as if he is their dad with correcting them about what he feels is concerning behavior..in a matter of fact way "It is not safe to stand on the couch"... It does cause issues with the 3 year old resenting this and I am worried he will wear the weight of the world instead of enjoying being a kid. He does have moments of pure joy but mostly he is very serious and THRIVES on hearing comments that he is pleasing others, his 3 year old brother thrives on being held/hugged. We are a very lovey family...lots of hugs and kisses and we have "date" nights with all of children as well as family nights. The oldest has a few chores which he does without complaint, he is not in school as preschool was boing to him and I plan to homeschool him as the public school told me they would not be able to work with him being advanced until he was around 3rd grade as he may level off...he is also small for his age and they were concerned about fitting in with older kids.
He has NO social issues, loves people, very willing to talk to anyone and offer his opinions about anything.
Ok so bottom line (finally) how to emabrace who he is without letting his childhood slip away under his concerns for everything? We got rid of TV because commercials caused him to worry about things and we don't miss it. He does play soccer and is in a co-op and church choir/groups...he gets an occasional time out for punishment or a toy gets put in time out...honestly he is rarely punished, and never spanked. He plays well most of the time with his brothers, but just never stops worrying about the weather/hisbrothers/traffic/when he hears a police car on the main road/ etc... he never sees to worry about himself...like other children liking him, he assumes everyone is his friend...and usually leads the pack on the public playground.
Thanks for trying to help me and make sense of all of this!
Also, I have talked with my ped. about this and while he means a sincere compliment he just thinks we are great with all our boys and he'll grow out of it...I have my doubts he has always been serious.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
"...but just never stops worrying about the weather/hisbrothers/traffic/when he hears a police car on the main road/ etc... he never sees to worry about himself..."

The above statement from your posting does suggest that anxiety might be a possibiity - perhaps GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).  However, the rest of your posting does not indicate anxiety.  I'm wondering though if the answer might be found in your husband's family - what type of child was he, how did he act with others, did he worry, how did he get along in school, etc.  Have you discussed this with your mother-in-law (or other close relative)?  Is there a history of anxiety disorders or mood disorders or personality disorders or mental health issues as depression, etc. or even autism in the family?  

Children often say things are "boring" when they do not have the correct words or understanding of the situation.  Usually the child is not "bored", but it can be difficult to figure out the precise feelings or emotions.  It appears your son can approach others to initiate play and/or conversation, but is the reverse true?  Also, good schools are able to work with advanced children re enrichment lessons so I wonder why the school would not feel comfortable educating him?  One more thing - if you're not happy with the advice given by your pediatrician, then ask for a referral to another pediatric specialist in mental health issues as a child psychiatrist or child psychologist for advice.  Hope this helps ....
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