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Comforting 4 Year Old with mostly absent mother

My daughter is 4 1/2 with a mother who comes in and out of her life when it's convenient. Obviously it's really hard on her, and it's happened for years. She's potty trained, but whenever her mom comes around she starts having accidents and hiding behind doors to poop in her panties. She also randomly gets triggered where she will go sit on her bed and if I ask her what's wrong or if she's okay I either get silence or a "nothing" under her breath. Her mom was here for one day last week and when she left my daughter was making her a picture like she wanted and then disappeared to her room and when I went in there she was face down on her pillow bawling her eyes out (like a high school breakup cry) and when she finally got up she had blood on her face from a nosebleed (and she never has nosebleeds). She already goes to a play therapist and she's fine until around the time her mom's around. When it happens it usually last about 10 minjtes and then she snaps out of it and smiles and wants to play. Today it happened when I asked her if she was playing in her room or the playroom. She just walked to her bed and sat and turned her back to me. I know that I'm a great dad and I never yell, but I cant tell if she was mad at me or of it was the mom thing again. So my question is what do I do and how do I comfort her when she's feeling this way?
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973741 tn?1342346373
That's really sad.  What about court ordered custody to the point in which the mom is minimized?  Also, a therapist would be essential here.  To guide you in how to help her emotionally deal with this
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