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304970 tn?1331425994

I am in potty training HELL.. HELP!

My son turned 3 in January. We have introduced the potty literally 100 times since he was 18 months old. I've really *actively* been trying to potty train him for about 4 months. I am SO frustrated. He cries and yells 'I DO NOT WANT TO USE THE POTTY!" He is a smart child in every other area. Believe me when I say he TOTALLY grasps the concept of using the potty and he is aware of his bodily functions. He just WON'T use the potty. I will have him naked bottomed ALL DAY and he will not have an accident. Instead he will wait until naptime when I put him in a pull up, or night time when he is in a diaper and THEN he will go?! He KNOWS when he has to go, but he will literally hold it for HOURS which isn't healthy either. I am at a total loss and I feel like a total failure. I missed the deadline for pre-school registration because he MUST be potty trained to attend. He needs the socialization and learning environment that pre-school offers because he is bored at daycare.. We have tried sticker charts, prizes, cheering, reading to him, bribing him with m&m's, promising a new toy.. It doesn't work. He is stubborn and I need some advice. Thanks.. Oh, and please no "he will do it when he is ready." We need to have him trained!
6 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
What would happen if you never put him in a pull up or a diaper?

I know you'd have some yucky messes possibly to clean up,  but would that make him give up and use the potty?  Have you tried it?
304970 tn?1331425994
Yes, we tried that. He just goes in them.. :(
13167 tn?1327194124
He goes in what?  What is "them"?  On his naked body?

I always appreciate a picture of the child - a pic says a thousand words.  Your son looks like a very bright firecracker of a boy!  He reminds me of a son of one of my best friends,  who in fact wasn't potty trained until he was about 4 1/2,  due to stubbornness.  As athletic and graceful as he was,  and physically fit,  he refused to toilet train.  He also sucked on a pacifier until he was at least 5,  but he clamped it at the edge of his mouth the way an old gangster would hang a cigar out the side of his mouth,  clamped between his teeth.

Reason I bring this all up is a picture is so helpful - it doesn't look like your son is a child who is timid and fearful of the potty as many are.  He looks like a child full of bravado and confidence who has frankly made the decision he doesn't want to use a toilet,  thank you very much.

Once kids put a lot of peer pressure on him to do this,  he'll do it.  

In the meantime,  you could make him do it.  I wouldn't say this about children who are fearful or have anxiety issues.  You could make him do his business in the toilet regardless of whether he keeps verbally expressing that he doesn't want to do that.

It's up to you whether you want to wait until peer pressure takes hold,  or you want to take a couple weeks and physically force him to be on the toilet.   At this point you are much more powerful than he is.  And that won't last forever.
377493 tn?1356502149
As someone who has just started down the potty training road, I have been given tons of good advice and read a lot about it.  I have also discussed this with my pediatrician.  From what I know, it sounds a little bit like you are now in a power struggle with a 3 year old.  At this age, they still have little control over day to day decisions as obviously we as parents make most of their decisions for them.  So things like this are something he can control, and he is making that known.  If this were me, I think I would probably just end the conversation completely..no mention at all of it for several weeks. I'd put him back in pull ups and just leave it alone for awhile, giving him and yourself a break.  The average age for a boy to be potty trained is 3 1/2, so this isn't a problem at all.  But I bet that in a few weeks, he begins to express interest on his own rather then because you are trying to get him to.  Best of luck...as I am learning myself, parenting toddlers is not always easy..lol.  Those little personalities beginning to form and they most certainly know what they want.  
377493 tn?1356502149
Ok, so just realized that what I said was exactly what you were NOT looking for.  The "he will do it when he is ready". I'm sorry, I guess I am not very helpful.  It's just that I don't think there is any possible way to make this happen until that is the case.  Sort of the "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink" idea.  Anyway, I truly do wish you success.
304970 tn?1331425994
Thanks ladies, and adgal.. No worries. He actually went #1 three times today, so that is a positive. :)

Rock, you had asked me what happens if I put him in a diaper or pull up and I said "he goes in them." I mean he goes potty in them. In fact, he will wait all day until I put him in a diaper or pull up, then do his business. It is frustrating!
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13167 tn?1327194124
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