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Sexual Behavior

What is normal sexual behavior for a 3 year old?  I had an alarming event occur and not sure how to handle or treat the situation, or if I should seek professional guidance?

My 2 and 3 years grandsons were upstairs playing in their playroom, but quieter than usual so I went up to check on them and found them totally undressed on the bed, one on top of the other touching penis to penis.

I immediately separated them, got them dressed, hugged them and then explained that this was a bad game and that they should never show their private parts to anyone or let anyone touch their private parts, and that they should only undress when using the bathroom or taking a bath/getting changed and dressed.

I can't shake the feeling that something more should be done to assure that this is not the result of something that may have been done to them.  Any advice/guideance would be greatly appreciated?!?
4 Responses
Avatar universal
this is normal - i court my 3 year old with my neighbours son under the duvet years ago and i was angry their just exploring just keep an eye on them.
Avatar universal
I  know it's a hard thing to witness - I recently went a similar situation with my 4 year old daughter.  It's our adult sexual experiences that make our minds off beat, but it really is a normal, natural curiousity thing.  The fact that they acted sexually instead of just being curious and looking is reason to explore more into it, but that still isn't much reason to worry.  Have you talked to their parents and do you have reason to believe before this happened that their might be something bad going on?
Avatar universal
you want to make sure nothing sexual has happened in front of them,  have you told the parents?  yes, it would be absolutely unusual if they havent seen anything sexual before....

i have a 4yr old daughter, i have weekend custody, my ex has a new boyfriend, so im always concerned regarding this issue.  i'd drop dead if i saw what you did as i would 100% believe something has happened in front of my daughter while in custody of her mum..

i believe theyve more likely seen smthing at home and acting it out and you just busted them.

i would be keeping an eye on this.. i dont know if your the parent of the father or mother, but you have to be there for the grandkids, so id be pulling the mother aside for sure....

keep watching... take care

dm sydney aus
Avatar universal
I'm a grandmother of 2, a 4 1/2 girl and her 2 yr. old brother.  If I found them or any child in the position you describe, I would have no doubt they had observed this behavior and are mimicking what they had seen. Your gut is most likely correct, it's not normal.

As for telling the parents, I would venture to say they have observed their boys in questionable behavior but may think it's nothing. Or they may have run it by their doctor who might have assured them it's normal, thereby, allaying the parents concerns. This behavior doesn't crop up over night but may have gradually unfolded with more subtle actions prior to this. Are they observing sexual activity or are they being subjected to playing this as a "game" by some adult?

My granddaughter had signs of neglect at age 9 months, dirty, rashes, lethargic, wanting to sleep all day. I tried to run these by my daughter but she made excuses and was belligerent that I addressed them. As the months passed, her behavior became more of a sexual nature. Her actions at such an early age did not appear to be age appropriate or of the curious nature. Initially, she would touch her genitalia but then began to be more agressive, deliberative and progressed to insertion of her finger.  That is in general terms so that I don't have to get more graphic. From 9 months thru to 2 years, she gradually advanced to the latter.  

At 2, she was panting and making other noises that appeared to be sounds of what she may have heard while her parents were having sex or possibly from hearing porn? They lived in the basement of my daughter's boyfriends parents home which consisted of one small room they made off to one side.  This was the bedroom, playroom and where they entertained their friends. The little girl slept in the same bed.

At age 2 1/2, I was watching her as her mom was having their 2nd baby. While changing my granddaughter's diaper, she told me something quite disturbing: "daddy made pee pee on my tummy."  I thought I would die! And then she asked me to kiss her 'boo boo' as she pointed to her private area.

I called a hotline to ask if they had any suggestions and they advised me to report the parents but I was not able to do that out of fear her parents would become angry and not let me see my granddaughter anymore resulting in her not having me around to feel safe with.

What I decided to do was to speak to her pediatrician and ask if he could talk with the parents. That was when my grandson was born. The doctor felt what I told him warranted reporting and he did. He called my daughter while I was at the hospital visiting her and the new baby who was 3 days old and informed her of what I told him. That was the last time I was allowed to see him or my granddaughter.  It's been 2 1/2 yrs.

One parent may be in denial about the other having anything to do with any sexual behavior with the child. That parent may gravitate to staying with the children more to narrow down the time the suspect parent may be bringing harm to the child. No one wants to believe that happens but it's the case more than it's not. My daughter's mind is so clouded by her need to remain in the relationship, that she cannot or won't recognize that it would have been foolish for me to make this claim if her daughter had not said what I divulged. She accused me of trying to break up their relationship. I told her she should not be blinded by her anger with me but should take into consideration that her daughter said what she said.

As a child, I was repeatedly molested by the cousin whom I lived with. His mother, my aunt, did nothing and neither did the rest of the family. I was 8, he was about 20. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I started to realize more people knew in the family than I had realized.  They all kept silent and turned the other way.  When there were family gatherings, the cousin who molested me did not attend. I was told, later in life, it was because they didn't want me to cause a scene.  Then there were times I was excluded from events, not knowing I had been excluded until I would learn of the event or gathering many years later. I don't associate with many of my family members any longer but my daughter is being drawn in to their inner circle by them. Yet, when she was little growing up, she would always remark about how they would only invite her when they needed her to keep the younger cousins company.  My family did nothing to help me raise my children or help me when I became divorced.

This was long but oh so important. I hope this will make people more alert and apt to act if they see or hear something not appropriate. Children are not naturally inclined to be sexual. If they act, then they have been put in a situation where they learned something from a parent or caretaker.  It's possible another child may have been exposed and then introduced the behavior to your grandkids. But it's usually a lot closer to home than that.  The number one victimizers are family or close family friends.

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