I am 62 years old & an only child. Growing up I had 22 cousins & loving grandparents close by. I was able to spend some time with them but there is no sub for siblings. I married at 25 to a 30 year old that my parents kept calling "St. George" because they were so grateful that they would not have to support me anymore. When I married I was in FL but George was from TX & that's where the job was so our honeymoon was Disneyworld & NO on the way to TX. My family stayed behind in FL & George was also an only child so I was basically the daughter they never had. It all seemed ideal. Then we had trouble conceiving. I know why now. Anyway, after 8 years & I was now nearly 40 we finally found out Y & got George his surgery. We had 2 boys right off, 2 years apart. When the eldest was in 2nd grade is when the smacks & punches began. The abuser was the eldest boy. The odd part was that these incidents only occured when George was out with him & they arrived home as if things had been said about me. The battery was mostly towards me (his own mom) but in my absence anyone would do including George or the baby (his baby brother) & yes it started while the baby was newborn. I had to be willing to stay in the line of the smacks or the baby would be used in place of me because of the control it had to put me back in the ring. If it was George I would let him field his own. Obviously we sought counseling (which by the way is a waste of time & money) unless you go all the way up the food chain to psychiatrist, if the family is at this much risk skip even the psychologists & go straight to the ones with a script pad. Anyway, after about 5-10 counselors that were barely old enuf for a dr. license had been attempted we finally got 1 that referred us to a psychologist & during the very 1st appt. we were referred to a child psychiatrist. This whole process took more than 6 months maybe a year & of course in between there were many more head smacks to me while being a stay at home mom.
Now that psychiatrist demanded that all 4 come in at once into her office. It was hard to get the kindergartener there as if he could add anything? But anyway, she asked a few questions & hit the nail on the head. My eldest had OCD & opp. d d or something & it had gone too far to be able to b helped overnight. For the younger one's safety & mine she gave him 2 scripts. 1 was an antidepressant & 1 was something else. Then she started counseling the hitter. It got better. But then she went thru a divorce where she lost her license in the divorce cause of her ex. Then the hitting came back w/o her or anyone else that had B's number or able to treat him prop. I prayed with tears nightly to be taken in my sleep so I wouldn't be hit again. But God did not answer my prayers &
the hitting continued. Finally, I threatened to take the baby while he was at work & I promised that he would never find us. Either of us unless he moved out with the eldest to save us & maybe he could handle him. Otherwise I wanted B gone to live elsewhere so I could raise the youngest. He went out & rented a nearby apt. Of course
B didn't improve & started failing school so he was sent to mil. academy & my hus. tried to move back to ruin the younger one & I wouldn't let him. He had not helped or coop. in keeping b from hitting. In fact he taught him to lie about the hitting. Now, 13 years later the hitter has a healthy, happy marriage with a wonderful girl. She & I love each other. B is my main confidant. We share a normal mom-son relationship. The baby of the family grad.
at the top of his class in the US in math, slightly above av. in other subjects. Got a job in a semi-conductor
co. as an intern as a jun in HS, still works there full time with a good salary & perks 2 years after getting his 4 yr college deg. but now guess which one is abusive. The baby that was saved from phys. harm & raised by a single mom, with an absentee dad, found a lovely girl who was looking for a paycheck in her age group (even though she had a 4 yr. degree in acct. herself. Now I am not allowed at the wedding. Only the ex-husband that taught the hitter to hit me & the hitter himself are welcome at the wedding. I routinely receive insulting & verbally abusive
emails from the younger one who never touched a hair on my head & was the most obedient most respectful, best mannered child in the world. My mother just died on July 27, 2013 in a nursing home in DFW while I had escaped to FL at Memorial Day time because of my father's behaviors in his nursing home. And the insults & omission from my own son's wedding still keep coming. I basically have to admit that everything I have ever said or done was wrong from the time he was born or I don't get to see him marry & have to have my ex & older son get to be there.
Now in the wake of hurtful emails during my mourning for my mom I have suggested family counseling where George, both sons & myself go. I have offered to line it up & schedule it & pay for it. No takers yet. Any thoughts out there. This son marrying was an angel. The kind of child people pray for & the emotional bond he & I shared when he lived with me was impenetratable (spelling). I am losing the 2 main people in my life at the same time that were the only ones who ever really loved me unconditionally.