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Parenting Young Adults (18-26) Community
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1699033 tn?1514113133

Found my sons pot stash today

Well...I went into his bedroom space to steal an oatmeal cream pie and lo and behold he has everything out in the open. I confronted him and tried to have a conversation about it. He yelled at me because He thinks I threw it out. He says he is old enough to make his own decisions and that it helps his brain stop going everywhere due to ADD. he said he only smokes a small amount and not everyday.. Also says he only does it at home because it is a safe environment.  Got caught doing it at college last semester after a bad reaction and A Trip to the ER. says he is not bringing it to school with him. Says he learned a Lesson. Says he hates adderall but it works when he needs it but doesn't want to take it over the summer because of how it makes him feel. He started crying when  I was talking to him. Makes me think it is pretty important to him...more than he is telling me. This led to a fight between my husband and myself and me crying and going to bed. I don't know what  I'm supposed to do.
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189897 tn?1441126518
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Avatar universal
I am conflicted about this because they call pot the gateway drug but its becoming legal in many states . Maybe you can get him a medical marijuana card? I think he's right about home and he seems to be handling it "responsibly". My kids are still younger so I haven't been in your shoes but I'd like to think that I will be calm and talk with them about it just as u did with your son. You definitely love him and don't wanna alienate him. I'm glad he opened up and discussed it with you. What does your hubby say?
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
I tried to be calm.  He was the one yelling at me.  Kept telling me he would be "angry and doesn't know what he would do" if I threw it out.  I asked him if he was threatening me and he just said "No, but I'm going to be super angry. (not exactly his words).  Anyway, later that evening after I caught him smoking what I didn't find in the basement, he told me to throw the rest out.  He was high...probably didn't know what he was saying.  I have never seen him cry like he did.  Twice in one day.  I'm crying, he is crying and dad is sleeping.  My hubby and I had an argument and I left the house for a while.  He said he should just pay somebody 5 bucks and take a toke of someone else's at school on the weekend.  REALLY?  That is the last place he should be smoking pot.  This lead to the argument.  I don't think he ever even spoke to him about it because he basically said in my eyes he wouldn't be saying the right thing so he might as well say nothing at all.  Ugh! so flippin frustrating.  

I think that yes he has learned a lesson from the college incident and trip to the ER.  I think he is being responsible.  He has worked all summer and gets up and goes in on time and doesn't call out sick or anything.  BUT it is illegal in Maryland and it is illegal in PA where he goes to college.  That is the problem.   Sandman gave me some good advice about having him seek out a different ADD medication while at school.  Maybe there is one that he can tolerate better than Adderall.  Thank you all for listening.  This is why I started this forum.  Apparently I'm the only one that needs it though LOL
Avatar universal
Well I think there's nothing wrong with him smoking it but smoking at school is over the line. I understand him wanting it to help him focus. But not all strains of marijuana will help him with that. There are two kinds of strains one sativa based which gives you a more giggily hi and then there's indica based which gives a more intelligent hi. Indica based actually opens up parts of your brain that you never use. Now I would talk to him and see what he actually took to end up in the er because marijuana doesn't do that to you.
1 Comments
You got those reverse yo, indica knocks you out gets you stoned and gives you munchies, sativa is a more heady focused feeling
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
I assume that he took something that was laced with perhaps PCP.  
1 Comments
The cannabis that is available today is MUCH stronger than when we were young.  There are also many new forms of cannabis out there that can be down right frightening such as shatter and other manufactured cannabis extracts that have extremely high levels of THC (tetrahydrocannabinol--the compound that make you feel high).  Some of these super-extracted products are made with butane and contain THC levels north of 80%.  These products if not used carefully can deliver a high that is extreme, may cause a panic attack, hallucinations and land you in the hospital.  It is scary stuff.  
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
I also want to point out that pot is illegal for everyone except if you have a medical marijuana license in Maryland (I'm not even sure about the medical aspect actually for my state).  The repurcussions of being caught with pot are much more than being caught say drinking underage at a party.  
Avatar universal
I think u should do deep research on this marijuana.it answears ir questions.go to lots and lots of internet sites.ask questions..goodluck
Avatar universal
Well the only thing that concerns me is your sons apparent emotional reactions.

But ultimately he is an adult, pot is not very serious, really it is his business and not yours.

1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
You know, that is true he is an adult, however he is an adult whose college I pay for, who owns the house he lives in when not in college, and who owns the phone that is going to ring when he gets into trouble and so I do believe it is my business.  
Avatar universal
My brother is ADHD and he took adderal sorry for my spelling. he turned to smoking and it has help it a lot he was a zombie and made him miserable all the time wouldnt eat. He went from low grades to honor roll and he don't go to school blazed out of his mind just enough to where he would be able to stay focused just tell him to do it responsibly and then he might open up to you more about it
Avatar universal
Excellent topic to bring and one that seems to be very, very common nowadays.  We have raised 4 boys and two of them have used or still use cannabis.  So, yes, I have had this same experience and these exact conversations!  The older one of the two using cannabis is now 21, responsible, discrete and well informed.  The younger of the two is now 18 and well, that's a very different story indeed.  

He recently graduated HS and is exploring more freedom that he has had.  He wrestles with ADHD and some noticeable lack of maturity for his age.  He has been using cannabis, to our knowledge for a few years now.  We live in Oregon, so we are a recreational state where it is very, very common for younger people to use.  In fact we see the younger folks are leaning away from alcohol and leaning into cannabis.  We discovered his 'rig' a couple years ago.  This is a water pipe system they put together to smoke shatter or Rosin and the like. This kind of cannabis use delivers a very serious high that in my opinion is absolutely not necessary and was certainly not a responsible way to use cannabis.  He was also using cannabis at school.  I threw his rig, butane and all other supplies in the trash.  I cleaned out his car and found multiple pipes, rolling papers and the like.  All in the trash.  He was 17, so at that age it is pretty easy to take the in-control parent approach, but when they are over 18 it needs to be a different conversation...

Next up was a long and open discussion on the dangers of using cannabis.  Having raised four teenage boys, I have done quite a lot of research so we had a very in depth conversation on how these substances are made and how unhealthy they are for you.  Not to mention the legal dangers of being a minor and having paraphernalia or any kind of drug in your possession.  

I found the best way to approach these discussions with a young man is to remove the scolding, judgements and threats and open an honest two way discussion, asking them for their view of what they are doing, why they feel they need to use this stuff.  "Why is it that you feel you NEED to be that high?"  I have always been surprised by the honest answers I get to that question, which of course drive the talk right to a core issue; usually "Im really stressed at school, I cant sleep without it or it helps me focus..."  This is a good place to pivot the discussion to one of these root stressors in their lives and try to address that head on.  You may even be able to steer them into some kind of therapy.  These kids are under a massive amount of stress and pressure.  Add the fact they are stuck at home with us all the time, well this is sort of a 'power keg' situation for many young folks right now.

My advice is, take a deep breath and start these discussions with them, as often as they will tolerate.  Don't panic, you have a good kid there, they just need a little extra support getting through this very difficult time.  Support could mean just really good information or a 'safe' person to talk to or a little guidance and guardrails.  Just know this is VERY common nowadays.  

Keep talking....



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