Avatar universal

Please give me advice before I go crazy

I'm going to make this is short as possible.
My daughter is 22.
We put her through college
We co signed for a car
She made monthly payments for the car, and insurance.
She lived at home, helped around the house, cooked, cleaned, etc.
At 19 she met a young woman. Instantly we felt something was wrong. We did our best to explain this. She went against us.
things began to crumble.
She moved out, hopped from place to place.
We had to take away her car as we discovered she had wrecked it three times, allowed uninsured people to drive it, and when we recovered the car, we found drugs and drug things in the car.
We then decided an intervention was in order.
During the intervention, her gf broke into my home, beat me unconscious in front of my children , and fled with my daughter. The police and ambulance were called. My jaw was broken, I had a concussion and lost control of my bladder.
They were found and arrested.
In court, her gf was found guilty and had all these classes to attend... Fines to pay. As well as my medical bills to fix my jaw.
fast forward two years... My daughter is still with this woman . This woman is in drug rehab, and my daughter is living with the woman's mother .
I am heart broken.
They post mother daughter (my daughter) pictures on FB and social media to bait me.. They are cruel . My other children are heart broken.
What do I do?? I'm in constant pain with this. I do not know who my daughter is .
I found out she was arrested for shoplifting, drugs , etc.
this is not how she was raised.
We all live in the same town. It's like a death. My younger son passed away, it almost feels like she has died as she wants nothing to do with us.
She is lying to people about us,her gf mother is slandering me and throwing things in my face like.. " I got your daughter now"
Everyone around me just keeps saying.. Oh she'll come back to you eventually.
Every time she does, I believe she's changed only to get suckered in.

What do I do? I am sure that this has happened to many other mothers/fathers.
8 Responses
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Avatar universal
I know it's been a little while since you posted this, but reading it breaks my heart! This is a parents nightmare. I agree that counseling is a must. In ways this is harder than a death, because death isn't a choice. So many kids take take and take. Ungrateful generation of entitlement. My sister is that way and had my mom robbed at gunpoint. My mother, who was single and working in a factory at the time. My mother who was sweet as could be, never got drunk or cussed in front of us, never hurt us, made each holiday in our home a magical memory that stays with me still. And my sister did this thing to our mom! Our Mom! And everyone forgave her. Time and time again for her b.s. And it's never stopped. Cutting her off is the BEST thing to do with an ungrateful child. You'll hear from her as soon as she NEEDS something. Don't help. She needs to grow up, take care of herself, and come to you for FORGIVENESS and nothing else.
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Avatar universal
There is no hostility towards her sexual preference!!! Lol my brother is gay lol . She is simply running away.
She's already whining about Texas .
It won't be long.
I would feel the same way if it was a man that beat me and broke my jaw .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well looking at it from a different point of view, it looks like you had hostility toward her for her choice in sexuality and that may be what started it. If she saw that you were against it it probably made her want to rebel more. And once you show her that you except who she is then maybe she won't act out so negatively.
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Avatar universal
Wow thank you!!!

She's moved to Texas... Running away to the father that abandoned her over 17 years ago.
She's running out of options. She doesn't want to face the truth .
She spouts about finding God yet will not have a conversation with me.
She's leaving because her gf is getting ready to be sentenced for breaking my jaw.
She's running away .
It will only be a matter of time.
I love her dearly
But she going to have to learn on her own
Thank you dough got your words of encouragement !!!! Ty again Daisy!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am truly disgusted reading this. I was similar to ur daughter had a fab upbringing then got in with the wrong crowd... dont worry shel hit rock bottom eventually, I did... tough love saved me my family turned there back on me and In time u see these (hard drugs) druggies r not ur friends they do not care for ur wellbeing there not nice people most of them....
No matter how much out of my mind I was I cld never EVER have let any one dare lay a finger on my family tho that sickens me, n says alot about ur daughter. Easier said than done but turn ur bk even get em of face book. Concentrate on ur self and the rest of ur family.  Leave her to her own devise shel either be in a hell of a state and come bk to u or shel only get worse....
Addiction isnt an over night thing lovley but u sound as though uv done more than enough for her. Step bk honestly she wnt c ur reaction as love an devestation till shes lyin in a gutter, I didnt.
Now im bk home off near enough every thing and bringing my parents ther first grand child! :) I have no contact with any of my old 'maates'.
Please lovley look into therapy that attack needs talkin about professionally.
Tough love is some times the best option n cut contact. Good luck lovley look after your self!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I've detached from her. No contact. Will never forgive the woman that broke my jaw and ruined so much. I've never talked to her mother and never will.
My kids are great. They don't want her around them either.. She's stolen things from them too.

Ty for your reply
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1642048000
Here is a link, you can look up where the nearest Nar-Anon meeting.  (Take out the spaces between letters before clicking.)

  h t t p : / / w w w . n a r - a n o n . o r g / n a r a n o n / Meetings
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1642048000
See a therapist.  This is too big of a pile of woes to try to sort out by yourself or just by talking to friends.  You should also start attending Al-Anon or Narc-Anon if it is around, because you need some help in understanding the power of addiction.  I am sorry this is happening, you need professional help; you are going to have to detach from your daughter as she is now, and to let go of your anger at what the woman did to you, and to stop reading the facebook page they are baiting you with, and never to talk to the woman who says things like "I got your daughter now."  You have other kids and need to show them how to deal with this heartache, you aren't role modeling what they should do if you are letting the people and situation yank your chain.  A therapist familiar with the damage drugs do is the best bet to help you.
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