Parenting Young Adults (18-26) Community
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Avatar universal

Why does parenting teens & young adults have to be so hard?

I am the mom of 6 kids.
Ages  : 8, 12,18,20,22,26.
An acquaintance told me back when my oldest 4 kids were little that these years are physically exhausting but the teen/young adult years are mentally & emotionally exhausting!!!!
Boy oh boy was she ever right on the $$$$$  !!!
Since my 4 oldst kids have entered the teen/young adult years,it has been such a severe strain on me mentally & emotionally!!!
Give me back the baby/toddler/preschool years please!!!!
I am so not cut out for parenting teens/young adults!!!
My 20 year old was dxed with ocd & severe social anxiety at 14!!! The past 6 years have been such a strain & still going on !!!
My 22 year old son told us last year he is homosexual &  has been dealing with depression for about 4 years now!!!
My 26 year old daughter went through depression for a couple years but seems to be doing very well now. She is the only one living away from home & when she comes home for visits she doesnt hesitate to let her dad & i know everything we are doing wrong along with all the mistakes we made with the older kids through the years!!!
Cant say it's all the blame on the mom cuz she does include her dad too!!!
And my 22 yr.old son blames every problem he has ever had ,including his depression on me mostly but his dad gets blamed for some things too. I am just the worst mother ever in his eyes!!!!  This really disturbs me cuz we were always very close (or so i thought) up til about 4 years ago!!!!
Tbh.... I think his therapist is putting the "blame the mother" idea in his head & he's swallowing it hook ,line & sinker !!!
I am at my wits end with them & dont know how much more i can endure!!!
Holding that new born son or daughter is an amazing thing . You think that feeling will last forever & you pledge to be the best mom ever forever!!!
Not true in my case!! Oh yes I pledged to be the best mother to my baby but obviously I failed miserably!!!!
Oh I did fine while they were very young but somewhere after the early years it  went wrong.
Had I known that this is how things would be years later,I dont think I would have had kids at all  :(
3 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
Hi there.  I can certainly say as will my sisters that if we had to do it over again we wouldn't have had kids.  I think every parent goes through this and thinks this.  The bottom line is we love our kids deep down and that is the reason we get so hurt by what they say and do.  I wouldn't trade my two for the world even though right now at 18 and 20 (boys)  I'm going through the same crap that you are.  I have to bite my tongue sometimes and try not to say negative things.  I try to let them make their own mistakes instead of trying to control their lives.  After all, we have lived through those ages and the turmoils that come with them and we could certainly save them a lot of heartache if they would only listen!  

It looks like OCD/depression may run in your family.  The reality is we do the best that we can.  You certainly didn't wake up one day and said I hope my kids have depression, OCD and anxiety.  BTW I am the CL of the OCD forum because shocking....I have OCD!  I do agree that sometimes therapists do bring up the parents, at least the therapist I went to did, and then I proceeded to go home and tell my father that he was the cause of all my problems!  Well you know that didn't go over too well.  But looking back I realize he wasn't the cause of all my problems.  This came with maturity.  So I'm going to say just give it a while.  I know it is hard and you may also want to go to therapy yourself.  I know I did when my older son was doing a bunch of dumb stuff.  I have discussed my own illness with my sons and I try to explain why I do the things I do and how I just can't help myself.  

At the end of the day you do your best and don't forget to take care of you because I think that is lacking right now.  

You clothed and fed your kids.  Made sure they were safe.  Took care of them when they were sick.  The list goes on and on so you and your husband are wonderful parents and one day they will wake up and smell the roses and count themselves among the lucky ones.  
Avatar universal

May i ask specifically what sorts of comments and feedback that you have received from your son & daughter, regarding the mistakes you made with the older kids through the years?

in my opinion, i think as a parent we can learn a lot from their comment, and then tries to understand where they come from. we can discuss it together, if you would liked to.

But as a mother i can understand how excruciatingly painful it is to hear those comments from our beloved child. Children don't come to the world with a guidebook and we as parents, despite being the one who raised them are still learning about our child everyday. Do not feel bad about it, you are giving your best, and with God's help i pray that you can become even better mother to your children - the way you dream of it when you first hold your child in your hand.

what is important is that you're learning to become better everyday, and that is a major leap that most people do not take, sadly, so be positive, and you'll figure a way through this eventually
17175264 tn?1454326151
Wow, I can sure relate to this post.  I see that it is a year old but I just have to say I feel your pain.  I have a 19 year old giving us so much trouble right now and I wish I could figure out what to do....what to say... anything that would help.  My husband and I are both at our wits end.  

I also think back about my little babies and remember all of the good times I had with them growing up through the years.  I wish I could go back to when they were little and all I had to do was make them go to bed when they were bad.  I would't mind reading another story if only I knew he didn't hate me.  
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