My 8 year old goes to bed at 730 on the dot and on sum days-usally weekends still takes an hour nap. She has adhd. Some kids need more sleep.
This is just a minor point, but 8 o'clock right now is too early for a 9 year old to go to bed. It's still light outside.
Well, try the approach of telling her that you won't talk to her until she uses her normal, happy voice. And then AS soon as she does, respond positively. Also, whenever she DOES use the normal voice or behave well--- compliment her on it and even reward her. You can say something like "I am so proud of you for asking for that juice in a nice way that this weekend, YOU get to choose the dvd we watch." That really helps kids see the advantage to getting rid of the evil whine (as I call it . . . boy, that goes right through you, doesn't it?). good luck
PS: the bio mom sounds dangerous if she is making false accusations. That stinks.
the thing is I would love to get together with the bio mom. but, she takes advantage of that last time we got together she said that my husband hit her(which he didn't) and he got taken off to jail. this is just one incident.
and her bedtime is 8. and we never miss it. unless its on the weekends which is 10 and she gets to sleep in a little more.
This is a parenting issue, not so much a kids issue. Sitting down with the child is one thing, but what really needs to happen is you and the bio mother getting along together for the sake of the kids. This way, you both can work together on defining behavioral expectations from home to home.
Situations like this are difficult because of all the tension and anger that exists from parent to parent. Kids pick up and tend to react negatively to a dysfunctional family situation. Working together is how to improve this situation even if you need to seek a mental health professional to begin making this happen.