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Non responsive, difficult to impossible teenager

She is 19 - hope that is still OK for these forums.

She cannot stand to see me.  I happened to leave my room to walk to the kitchen - she wanted to go there too - saw me - rushed back to her room and SLAMMED the door.

I texted her to please stop slamming the door.

She responded with a series of texts - complaints about this and that and how I have treated her poorly and made her feel horrible and on and on

She then said I should not talk to her - blocked my cell phone.

I sent her an email - telling her I do not like how she is treating me and I may pick her online orders once more but she has to start driving and that if I do not hear from her, I will cancel

I postponed the pick up - she never responded to my emails - she kept adding to the list.

She has either not seen the emails or is plain assuming I will again do what she demands - the slave that I have been for almost three years now.

I am at my wits end.  Ideas please.
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973741 tn?1342342773
Oh gosh, this sounds very hard.  I have a son who is 17.5 years old and is very depressed.  And anxious.  So, we are dealing with a lot.  He's a bit challenging right now.  And my son who is 16 is going through some teenage grumpiness as well.  But this sounds pretty extreme. My friend's child will not be around their father because they perceive they've been greatly hurt by them.  So, they are avoiding them altogether. Pretty hard to live under one roof that way. But there is a mother that runs interference so it just kind of works out. Do you have a partner that is also there to mediate at all?  What is her reasoning for being so angry at you? Anything at all legit? I say that as a person that admits I'm flawed myself and didn't do everything right.  I try to listen now and hear. Some makes some sense and some is just kind of crazy talk I listen to but it's not based in reality but my son's depression. Does your daughter have mental health issues? She's 19, that limbo age. Still child/but also an adult.  I don't think it is tenable for you two to reside together for too long like this. She probably needs her next step planned out . . . continuing school, trade school or job.  Her own place. Paying bills.  That's hard but it's maybe getting to be time. Can you offer family therapy? This can be really helpful. We did this and my son had a long list of my flaws but the therapist put a boundary on HIM and it was better from them on.  Just a thought.  Therapy for the two of you.  You could do teletherapy like zoom, both in different rooms?
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Legit reasons?  Perhaps but I have no idea what she is really upset about - she complained that I treated her like an "idiot" because of a comment I made - that I assumed she did not know the answer or such (that was not my intention at all) - and a whole host of issues poured out when she finally responded (email) - (I had told her I did not like the way she was treating me and that I would pick her groceries this last time and she can drive - yes, she has issues with being outside/people - sensitivities to noise/etc - claiming her parents do not like her (not true at all) - and so on and so on - I tried to have her go talk with someone, anyone - she did once - refused to go after that - complains about this/that but when I try to offer ideas, does not take them - I wish she would go to someone and complain, talk, chat, debate, discuss, whatever

I am married - she used to talk with my wife (step mom) - and that also stopped - so even if I was evil/whatever, she was certainly trying to be helpful and has - but she shut her out also

I was shocked that she survived living outside the home (college) - but still worried what will happen when most restrictions on campuses go away - whether she will interact/able to cope/continue (though she seems to be OK so far, academically that is - no alarm bells about anything, so far - but then again given her age, no idea because the school will not share anything with me)

Few more weeks and she is going back to campus - some of her complains are grossly unfair and unreasonable and at times I have been provoked by her actions, words and responded - it is almost as if she wanted me to get provoked and I have tried not to get provoked into anger about what she does - I cannot separate her being a teenager (limbo age) from specific mental issues

I keep hoping that some of what she does is "normal" (for a teen - rebelling, being difficult, rude) - but cannot be sure - for now, calm because I have, as usual, given in to what she wants - and hope I can set some limits on her demands (till recently I used to also go pick up prepared food on top of groceries/etc and I will have to learn to say No - or some such ... I normally avoid any confrontation)

Oh well - thanks for responding - I wish I could place my situation in some larger context - what is normal, what is not, how best to deal with specifics, tantrums, slamming doors etc etc without losing my own equilibrium
A specific complaint she did have was about being sensitive to certain noises - she self diagnosed it as misophonia - I asked what did she want to do - called around - said we could go here or wherever she wanted - she did not - wanted to get specific allowances to wear headphones/etc - I did - complained about certain noises in the home - I tried my best to help there - but nothing was enough - there was always something to complain about and she was not agreeable to solutions the way I saw it ... no idea how she is managing outside the home and if she is more tolerant of others unlike at home - which is possible
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