explain my relationship to the kids

[simple_fred]

im a single parent of 2 kids (6 and 4)  i have fairly recently left my husband because of abusive behaviour. after little more then two years i let my guard down with one  person and now i find im worried about what the kids think. i dont know what they know about  girlfriends and boyfriends. but i know they realise there is a difference between  him an i and regular friends. to compound this they really like him, and have said things like its ok for me to marry him. im not sure if they understand but  id like some advice on how to explain to them what this relationship is, but i dont think they need to know about dating themselves yet...

help!

[Erika Madison, PhD]

Hello, It sounds like you are concerned about protecting your children from further disappointment or confusion. I am sure many parents relate to your struggle to re-establish adult relationships while continuing to be a good mom.  You are aware that children are observant and pick up on the differences between friendships and romantic relationships even when you do not emphasize this verbally.  Though some parents are tempted to minimize the relationship or mislead children about their dating in order to shield them, it sounds like you are hoping to be straightfoward without being overwhelming.  That's wonderful because attempts to deny the reality of your developing relationship often backfire as children are rarely fooled and can lose trust when misled.  

Give your children a simple, concrete explanation of your current relationship. For example,you can explain that grown-ups spend time alone together to get to know each other. You might add that grown-ups don't usually get married until they know each other well.   If you are concerned about them becoming too attached and being disapponted if the relationship does not develop, try to spend time alone with him until you have decided for yourself that he is trustworthy.  I hope this helps, Good Luck

[simple_fred]

thanks Erika i hope that works out.

they have spent alot of time with him already and have become quite attached. i fear i may have integrated him to soon. is that possible. i have no fear of him leaving, and we have talked about living together and, i'm wondering when is too soon to think about that with the kids. im worried about bringing them over and having him over right now, because i dont want them getting hurt and too attached (possible?). we just spent a camping trip together, for two days, and he was amazing with the kids and they definitely enjoyed it too.  by i know my 6 year old and i think he may have his own ideas about what he wants.

advice?
thanks so much for everything