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Primary Tokophobia (fear of pregnancy)- support groups?
Hello everyone,
I have been with my partner for about 5 years (we are both approaching 30), but recently he has expressed an interest in starting a family in a few years time.
The problem is I have never wanted children and suffer from a serious fear of pregnancy so even if I wanted them, I am not sure I could go through with a pregnancy. My fear is so bad that even being around a pregnant women I begin to suffer "sympathy pains" (back ache, stomach cramps, dizziness/sickness etc) or anxiety attacks.
To be clear I am not about to have a child just to please my partner, but I dont want my fear to rule out us having them if we *both* decide its something we want in the future.
I have read that Cognitive Therapy can help with this condition, but I am not yet ready to approach my GP to request a referral as I get tearful even thinking about it and it would be an awful waste of their time for me to take such help right now- I want to connect to other people who suffer the same condition and hear their experiences etc.
Are there any online support groups specifically for this condition? Since I never planned upon having children, I have never had to try and address this fear before and googling has turned up nothing particularly helpful.
All replies greatly appreciated.
I have been with my partner for about 5 years (we are both approaching 30), but recently he has expressed an interest in starting a family in a few years time.
The problem is I have never wanted children and suffer from a serious fear of pregnancy so even if I wanted them, I am not sure I could go through with a pregnancy. My fear is so bad that even being around a pregnant women I begin to suffer "sympathy pains" (back ache, stomach cramps, dizziness/sickness etc) or anxiety attacks.
To be clear I am not about to have a child just to please my partner, but I dont want my fear to rule out us having them if we *both* decide its something we want in the future.
I have read that Cognitive Therapy can help with this condition, but I am not yet ready to approach my GP to request a referral as I get tearful even thinking about it and it would be an awful waste of their time for me to take such help right now- I want to connect to other people who suffer the same condition and hear their experiences etc.
Are there any online support groups specifically for this condition? Since I never planned upon having children, I have never had to try and address this fear before and googling has turned up nothing particularly helpful.
All replies greatly appreciated.
So awesome to see how many women struggle with this. Here is my situation: I AM 25 WEEKS PREGNANT. And absolutely terrified. I have had suicidal thoughts, severe panic, chronic depression. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist twice a week and a therapist twice a week. I am more afraid of being pregnant than I of birth. When my son moves, I panic. When my stomach gets hard and tight, I panic. Thinking about what is to come has consumed my thoughts and my life. I have lost 8lbs this pregnancy because I have no appetite. I want to get through this. Does anyone have any success stories?? Also, did anyone make a support group? I am so desperate for help and healing.
While I do agree that wishing harm on one's children is a bit harsh, what is one to do when people who should accept "No, I do not wish to have children" and move on with their lives do not? The fact that threats that are dire as these need to be utilized makes me wonder about the people receiving said threats and what their goals are.
This is AcesPlace. Thank you. The threats were used to shut people up. Some people can't figure out that NO means NO. When threatened, and I mean REALLY threatened, even if I had no real intentions of acting on it, people learned QUICKLY to mind their own business and shut up! I became really belligerent about this issue because people had the GALL to question me! It is nobody else's business--nobody else has the right to even voice and opinion. Oh, they might voice an opinion, alright, but I made sure they knew in advance there would be severe consequences. It all boils down to this--BE AGGRESSIVE, CONGRUENT, and CONSISTENT. N E V E R give anybody an inch. Shut everybody down for spite. It shuts them up. It's your body, your life, your choice. You owe these people nothing! I paid the price for my decision. I would do it again.
I'm 19 and I've had tokophobia since I was in primary school too. I'm with the love of my life. He really wants to start a family some time in the future. I think he'll make a great parent, and if it's with him I think raising a child could actually be a lot of fun. He knows about my tokophobia, and is very supportive (he wishes he could get pregnant in my stead, and would also love to adopt). For the time being, tokophobia is not a big problem for me.
For the time being.
His family is... "old-fashioned" (nice way of saying CULTURALLY BACKWARDS) and they want us to get married and have kids already, regardless of whether or not we have the finances to care for a child. We've also put off marriage because we know their demands will become incessant after we marry. They've also hassled us over other things, like our terms of endearment for each other (I can only call him either "honey" or something "manly"), my place as a woman and how I'm not supposed to get a man involved in my duties (we cook and clean together because WE ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY), the fact that I go out with friends sometimes (shameful!), my health problems which they think are just things I made up and I'm not trying hard enough (if I'm not careful, I could actually die horribly—though at least that would shut them up). Frankly I'm surprised such a loving, understanding person could come from such a family. He chalks it up to growing up with the Internet.
My tokophobia: seeing pregnant women, even pregnant animals (with the exception of animals that were already big to begin with, like rhinos and whales) makes me at least a bit nauseous. The more progressed the pregnancy, the worse the disgust. But the worst thing for me is the fact that there's something growind inside of me, big enough to rearrange my guts and kicking me from the inside... And the process of giving birth sounds horribly disgusting too. The labour pains scare me, but a C-section actually sounds worse to me, having to be cut open so wide to take this... thing out of me. I like children when they've grown a bit, I think most babies are ugly, even uglier than modern pugs and Persian cats (they look completely different from ones in old paintings and photographs; then some idiot though they'd look better as if their faces were punched in). Babies just look off, you know? Swollen limbs, misshapen faces and heads, the wriggling, baby smell... iugh. My partner knows all of it and understands. But his family would have my head if they knew.
For the time being.
His family is... "old-fashioned" (nice way of saying CULTURALLY BACKWARDS) and they want us to get married and have kids already, regardless of whether or not we have the finances to care for a child. We've also put off marriage because we know their demands will become incessant after we marry. They've also hassled us over other things, like our terms of endearment for each other (I can only call him either "honey" or something "manly"), my place as a woman and how I'm not supposed to get a man involved in my duties (we cook and clean together because WE ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY), the fact that I go out with friends sometimes (shameful!), my health problems which they think are just things I made up and I'm not trying hard enough (if I'm not careful, I could actually die horribly—though at least that would shut them up). Frankly I'm surprised such a loving, understanding person could come from such a family. He chalks it up to growing up with the Internet.
My tokophobia: seeing pregnant women, even pregnant animals (with the exception of animals that were already big to begin with, like rhinos and whales) makes me at least a bit nauseous. The more progressed the pregnancy, the worse the disgust. But the worst thing for me is the fact that there's something growind inside of me, big enough to rearrange my guts and kicking me from the inside... And the process of giving birth sounds horribly disgusting too. The labour pains scare me, but a C-section actually sounds worse to me, having to be cut open so wide to take this... thing out of me. I like children when they've grown a bit, I think most babies are ugly, even uglier than modern pugs and Persian cats (they look completely different from ones in old paintings and photographs; then some idiot though they'd look better as if their faces were punched in). Babies just look off, you know? Swollen limbs, misshapen faces and heads, the wriggling, baby smell... iugh. My partner knows all of it and understands. But his family would have my head if they knew.
I have decided since I was in primary school that I will never ever have a baby. But now I am married, my friends and family all telling me the same thing, that if I dont have a baby in my whole life, I will regret later and I will not be a complete woman and my husband will leave blah blah blah....I am really really confused now cuz I love my husband so much I dont want him to leave me!
Hi lostallhope, just realised I replied to a wrong person, I am actually suffering the same situation as you, I am really looking for anyone who really understands Tokophobia, as this is not as easy as people thought, people think I am selfish but it is really more that tha!!! Just like when people suicide as they suffered from depression, people ofthen say they are selfish, but on one can undestands their feelings.!
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