Thank you for you for you post it was most informative, and to ans your question NO i do not have an advanced degree in any thing, i do have degrees, and i have worked with mentally ill and physical for many years and i did have a problem with my younger daughter, also i raised a niece. that had panic attacks after a bad wreck, but she trusted me enough that she listened to me and it was not easy, but we all got through this, and today she does not have the attacks also i am a person that can take constructive criticism Thank you again for your post One thing is that not all people see things alike nor do all people have the same thoughts on things my best wishes for you and your daugher jo
I have a 15 year old son who was just diagnosed with school phobia. he is homebound but don't know if it will work. the teacher comes in the house with his homework for that day and after asking if he has any questions, which he always says no, she leaves. He is a "people pleaser" and doesnt want anyone to think he is stupid or needs help. but my god, the panic attacts he has if he thinks he has to go to school. he used to practilly live outside playing all sports and being with friends. now he stays in his room. My son hardly went to school last year, freshman year, to which I attributed to being just stubborn and 15. His older brother left for college last aug, we moved at the end of august, and he he started highschool that sept., then his brother had a work accident this past Feb and was in the hospital ICU for three weeks. WOW! The pressure he must have been under. I feel guilty not realizing how everything was affecting him. he is seeing a L.C.S.W. weekly and his family dr wants him put on buspar or prozac. i don't know that I want him on medication until I see how much the counceling is going to work. There is a history of depression in the family. my twin and I both take meds for this. Enough venting. Thanks to you all for helping me realize that even at such a young age, they do have a lot to deal with.
Wow--this is my 14 year old daughter to a T. She started not wanting to go to school last December--stomach aches, headaches, etc. any reason to not go. We have been through therapist, psychiatrist, therapy center (6 hours a day). Now she started 9th grade and is worse than ever. She has easily missed over 1/2 of the school days so far. She is still under care of dr, therapist, and now school psychologist.
I am considering taking her out of school and doing on line school. The therapists are all saying NO!!!! Not sure what to do--my heart says home school, my head says public school. ps--I am a public high school teacher. I taking daughter to school tomorrow and we will both meet with psychologist to see what we can do next.
I am scared for her--I really don't know if school is the best thing for her or not right now.
im gonna be posting as a 17 year old kid who has school phobia. what u guys said were ryt. i can go have fun with my friends and family. but once sunday night comes. i totally freak out. u guys probably dont know the feeling of going somewhere where u are so afraid of. its like going somewhere high w/ fear of heights. im not bad at school at all. i used to be a top student(rank 1) form grade 1 - 5 . and although im not as good after grades 6 - 4th year highschool, i still have good grades. but this was due to laziness. but this summer, b4 starting 5th year high. i thought to my self that i better start studying well, i need my top grades back. since ill be graduating in the 6th year. but something thats been with me since 1st year high school kicked in again. school phobia. this is just so wrong. i needed to graduate with good grades. and how can i? im so scared of school that i just stopped coming to it for 4 days. i dont even know where to go any more. i get out of my house pretending to go to school,(my parents thought i was going to school) but i just walk around any place. this is definitely not lazyness or problem with my grades. there is just this fear, of going to the classroom. it sux so bad. last week my parents found out i didnt attend school for a few days. and they didnt understand at all. they just forced me to get back to school. i even thought of running away from my house. but my mom, i love my mom soooooo much. shes the only reason im back in school even after all the fears......... i cant stand the thought of her crying all the time just for me. if ive been more selfish i would be out there working for a restaurant or some kind. i just cant go to school anymore. if im outside having fun, then the thought of school comes to me, i suddenly become dreadful. i feel like i dont know what to do anymore. and btw i wanted to take culinary arts after i graduate highschool. but i dont know if i can continue this any longer. i hope you parents learn from this posts. i hope u guys become more understanding when it comes to this issue with ur child. its not always laziness, theres something wrong and u guys better talk to them about it and not force them to do anything that they cant take anymore. i forced my self to go and study for 4 years coz i didnt wana disappoint my parents. but i dont think i can continue any longer.........
and also i only plan to stop for a year. just need to relax alittle. get school out of my head for a bit. then ill over come the fear of going to it. sigh... i really hope my parents do understand.
WOW my daughter has had School Phobia very bad since 4th grade... Everything you say is the same thing we go through here at home... The principal wants to come to my house and escort her to school... Then send the police to take her I refuse... They do not understand and will not listen... She is 13 and in 7th grade... She wants to go to school but it just isn't possible... I have home schooled her the end of 4th grade some of 5th grade and all of 6th grade... I still have her enrolled for 7th but she has missed more then she has attended... I am requesting home bound and will see where that goes in a few days... Doctors here don't even understand they tell me to make her go to school... I just want my daughter to be happy I am ready to home school again if they will not help... God Bless and Good luck to everyone..
Yo2 /and everyone that can relate to this topic---I was very surprised that my daughter walked into (with intense anxiety) the high school for her IEP last week.....I was shocked, but did not make a big deal about it(although I told her I was so proud of her courage). The "team" discused a plan for her to attend school for 2 hours (small class of 3-4)-come in a side door to avoid the large amount of students in the school and add home school with the same teacher for 2 additional subjects. The damn principal sat (while picking at his ear...so gross!) telling my daughter over and over that "if she wanted to catch up with the other students and graduate with her friends she must work really hard"--no pressure right?...What an ***!!!!!!!!! The next step is virtual teaching after Jan 2009 (because they did not sign her up in time) plus increase her hours at school. THIS GIRL HAS NOT BEEN IN A CLASSROOM SINCE LAST DECEMBER...Well...she did not make it to school 2 days ago as scheduled, and she simply looked at me and said...."There is no way I can go into the school and catch up. I feel stupid and want to know why the school has not sent any work since the beginning of the year so I would not be so far behind?"..VALID POINT! I did not tell her that THIS class was for students with learning problems, which is fine for them but my daughter is not slow ---just ANXIOUS as hell. A CSW from our county came to my home last week and said that she had attended a seminar regarding this topic and their is SOOOOO much ignorance involved. She asked me to send her and research /studies I come across (goo for her). Parents....I believe that you must follow your heart,respect your childs therapist, but you know your child best....do what is best for THEM. What is the worst that can happen? They eventually get their GED?....go onto a college/training of THEIR choice? and live a comfortable life?...HAPPY? or...they are miserable being FORCED to attend school to "be like every other student"??? - THEY CAN'T...and then parents, siblings, family, friends all suffer right along with them. :( I would rather my daughter be happy and be able to FOCUS on her future than to conform to what others think is 'best' for her. I will hold the school accountable for their lack of resources from day one of my daughters first year in high school and will no longer hold onto the feeling of guilt because I can not change what is my daughter suffers from (school anxiety)--- Yo2--I agree that you need to relax and take time to reflect on what you vision for yourself...your future and then take the steps (when comfortable) to set goals and then the steps you need to take to achieve 'your dreams'. Good Luck to everyone dealing with school phobia and /or social anxiety. I am inspired by the common spirit of HOPE from this forum/community. God Bless you all and I will continue to 'spread the word" through education and perseverance. PEACE! :)
I suggest counseling for those with kids that have the fear for school. But in 5th grade, I bought myself out of trouble and entered counseling, and it was then terrifying life is. It could also be possible that at school everyone is all gangster and trying to be cool that it's difficult to fit in. I used to be scared once because there was this guy who kept hitting and fighting with me and everyday I'd have to get hit and hit back and just fight. And then it was solved later on. Could be just the people there.
I am sorry that school and the kids were tough for you. My daughter does not have to worry about ANYONE hurting her as we live in a great community and the school has zero tolerance for ANY violence. School Phobia is much more difficult to define and find a sole reason for. Godd luck to you!
Hello everyone...Happy New Year ! My daughter will start a new program MO-VIP. It is a virtual school program and the school district is paying for it. They are excited to see how she does with this new program.She may be the FIRST stufdent to graduate using this type of program (like online college courses/new just a few years ago) She is not able to get in the high school building due to her panic and is happy for the opportunity to utilize this type of program at home. School is not for everyone -(I understand the importance of education). Research and discuss this MO-VIP program with your school. Your child will need an IEP to get this started, I believe (Specail School District can also help)
so happy to see so many homeschoolers on the forum!!!
this is how i look at the situation.....i have 3 children
my 16yr old daughter, loves school, she is an a student, and is in several clubs, band, drama
but my 9yr old boy, had so many problems with school, we had to pull him out
and let me tell you,, i have been getting hell for doing this
we just started homeschooling a few months ago, and its been tough, but i found a support group where i can get advice on curriculims or other needs
we do what we have to for our kids
when you are young, school is your job!! thats what you do! you gotta learn!
we have different school, private, public, boarding, but they all have the same class room setting
to bad not every child does well in a typical classroom setting
as adults we go into a career that suits our personality! our job is our school,
when an adult is miserable and depressed doing a certain job, they quit and get a new one
the education system needs more jobs for kids!
i have worked at places that i would rather die than wake up and goto work, well thats the way these kids feel
they would rather die than goto school
its now time for us to listen to them and take action
Thanks for the comment and support. I totally agree that not every child/teen can learn in a classroom setting, just as not evey adult can sit at a desk or do manual labor...ect...Thank god we ARE all different.
I really believe that in the future virtual teaching will be the norm...or atleast a real option for all kids. I hate when adults say that kids NEED school for socialization. I worl with many young girls suffering from severe (life threatening) eating disorders that would disagree. We can not shelter our kids but we can respect their choices and not project what is right for everyone. My sister homeschooled her 4 children and they are all in college and doing great. Religion is a strong force in their family and my sister firmly believes that the High Schools near her would have hurt the family morals/values that she and her husband tried to instill in them . Maby she is right? ...ok! now the question? My daughter is beginning the virtual program Mo Vip and I can not even SAY the work school without her freaking out....crawling in the bed and shutting down. I do not get it! She is so fustrated and this is realy our only hope at education. Advice???
At this point the anxiety around school may have been worsened by fears about having fallen behind etc...that might have something to do with it.
Oh my gosh! I can't believe I found this forum. My daughter is a sophomore in high school. Last year her first week of school she had a panic attack. Long story short, she spent her freshman year in an alternative home school program. In trying to getting her back into school and her saying that she wants to go back, the school has been apauling at my daughter's needs. We did get an IEP in place, but when the Director of Special Education doesn't even know what Social Anxiety is, it has made it really hard. They feel that my daughter needs tough love and has banned me from the school because I am enabling her actions. I have filed two complaints with the state, the psychiatrists and therapists that she sees has written letters to the school, and now because of the conduct of the principal making me leave the school, my daughter doesn't want to attend (she is scared to death), they have turned her over to the juvienille court system for turancy. Even though she has not missed the max number of days in the school policy, and she has had doctor's notes, they insist that she could have been in school. Emotionally as a single mom, I am drained. My daughter who already has fear, now has to face a hearing office (and she is an A & B student). I have consulted an attorney who is going to her truancy hearing, but fighting a school system is almost impossible. I was concerned for a time that she was going to commit suicide because the school is treating to put her on suspension. I was told that the school "didn't have time to deal with me" every time I came in.
Anyone who has any info that can help...I would so appreciate it!
Thank you ... to all of you folks who DO understand .. please help!
Sorry I haven't been back to this forum for a while......My daughter's high school started her with a Virtual Program (MO VIP) and it was wonderful but my daughter did not keep up with the assignments and was dropped. I REFUSE to do her work and she is such a procrastinator. I do not know what the hell to do now. She says that she will NEVER go back to school (but then at times wishes that she could go and tell ALL of her classmates what is truly wrong with her. I am so afraid that she is becoming agoraphobic. I am so glad that you hired a lawyer to help you . Schools really do not know what to do with 'these' kids and of course all moms are to blame. My daughter is a sweet and adorable kid who has a serious illness that no one seems to understand. I have sent her to the best and all they want to do is put her on drugs to help the anxiety- but not help the underlying problem/s. My health insurance is going sky high in June and I can't afford to keep it (if I want to keep my house and feed my daughter). I have such a very stressful job and this is to much to deal with alone. My boys are all in their 20's and live in their own homes. They do not understand Britt and her condition. Continue to support and love your daughter and I'm sure all will work out. I would LOVE to hear from young adults who had problems in middle school or high school with this type of phobia/panic. It would be helpful to know if 'anything' works!
My friend seems to have something similar going on now...she can (sometimes) go to school, but not to class, and apparently has anxiety when she tries to do homework as well.
My 15 year old daughter also suffers from school phobia. She is so miserable. I know she would go if she could. We are going to pull her out of school when she is 16 (in 6 weeks) and let her get her GED. It is not worth the pain she is going through.
As a 20 year old who has suffered from severe social anxiety disorder since freshman year of highschool I can completely relate to you guys. While I am glad my parents didn't pull me out of school ( of course I never asked them too) it sounds like the best situation for your children and yourselves. Medication (anti-depressants and anti-anxiety) has done wonders for me and I am attending college and actually attending most of my classes (big improvement!) I just want to thank all of you moms for being so understanding about your childrens' disorders. I don't know what I would have done without understanding parents. I ended up pulling out of highschool and graduating early my senior year because of the anxiety and an eating disorder because my school would not give me an IEP or 504 plan. I just want to say FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR RIGHTS TO A PROPER EDUCATION. But I can see from all your posts that you are...thanks again
Good for you (and your daughter)!!! I respect your decision to remove your daughter from the school and allowing her to get her GED. My daughter and I received a letter from our school district that she (my daughter) had withdrawn form school . I called the school and they said that since the virtual program didn't work last year they assumed that she would be withdrawing from the district...not what can we do to help you both or what does your daughter need to accommodate her educational needs. They simply do not want to DEAL with her because they do not understand. This is happening all over the USA and other countries. Research this and you will be amazed at the increase of teens suffering from THIS type of social anxiety and panic based on the school environment. If your child was TERRIFIED of clowns you would not force him/her to go to the circus every day. THAT WOULD BE ABUSE! I have a 29 yr old son who does not understand the mental health aspect of this disorder and wants his sister to 'get over it'. God knows she wants to "get over it" and be able to go to school but is crippled by the panic. Doctors, treatment centers...all have tried but can not help. You are not alone and schools better start to DEAL with this as it will not go away anytime soon. Thanks to all who support us parents who simply want what is best for OUR child. Of course I am afraid of the future and of course I worry that this can change course and become something worse, but with kids their are no guarantees. I am concerned with my daughters mental health and HAPPINESS-so many teens look at suicide as the answer and is is because adults do not respect what they are going through. We all need to listen...shut our mouths for a bit and really listen.....
Thanks for the support. The goal is an education, not attending high school. And, like they say, there are many ways to skin a rabbit. GED and community college should work fine for her. (She can do online courses, take courses later in the day, different type of students, etc. There won't be that terrible social pressure of the twerps at high school.) My older daughter doesn't understand her sister either. She thinks she is just being lazy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this plan works. It can't be worse than what we are going through now.
As a mother who is waiting for her to get up from bed (it is 11:00 am) just now. This is so common and so furstrating for us. She missed school today again. She goes one day and the next she cannot. She wants to go, she wants to have a life. Both me and my husband are academics. She is having psychatric support for the last three years. She has improved a bit (she would not go to school at all last year. This year she goes one day, the next she cannot. She is late for school every day, during the days she goes). The community counseling service is guiding us to develop a special program for her. But it is an uncommon problem for the school and for them. This is such a big problem for all of us. Seeing posts here in this forum which I just found was a bit of a relief.
I am new to this forum and am sooo glad that I found it; my almost 15 year old daughter has recently developed a "fear" of high school. At this point, we are not sure what are next step is and are taking it day by day......she is in counseling and the counselor has said she has social anxiety, but she has only had a few sessions, so this is still all very knew. She is a honor student, the whole works, but it looks like we may need to homeschool her, which I have mixed feeling about. It's just all so new......glad I found you all. MB
Hey love to talk About ur issues with ur son. I'd be happy to email you.
Hi, I am new to this forum. My 18 year old son, who is a senior, has decided he does not want to return to high school. He is a member of the national honor society, has been accepted into many prestigious colleges, and has never been a problem until this year. He is currently in counseling with counselor #3. I had a psychologist tell me to drive him to school and call a school official to come and get him if he would not get out of the car. I dropped that counselor immediately. Fortunately, he has a great support system at his school and is on homebound instruction. He now has a counselor who we both like. As much as I do not want him to be on medication, I am concerned that he needs it!. His new counselor does not think meds are needed at this point in time. I guess I am in a hurry to solve the problem. He has been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder (it runs in our family). I also think he is becoming depressed. He spends hours on the computer playing "World of Warcraft" and spends little time on his assignments. Has anyone had any relief from medication?
Hi from STLmom- I am sad that schools do not seem to GET IT but I guess it is easier for them to dismiss the students than to help the parents who are struggling to do what is BEST for the mental health of the student...our kids!! Although my daughter is not attending high school she struggles daily with the social absence of her peers and the lack of understanding from adults. This social/school anxiety creates depression, delusional thinking and low self esteem issues. Why doesn't the school teach coping skills and positive body image in grade school. We all know how cruel teens can be and although my daughter is beautiful she does not see herself that way and feels so insecure going anywhere now --afraid to see anyone from our school district. It is exhausting, but I love her and we take this one day at a time. Whenever anyone ******* to me about her not going to school I respond "she is alive and doing well-why would I screw this up?' --Good luck parents..take it one day at a time!
I know how she fells I have had some of the same problems I have missed last year 56 days of school due to the face of other students picking on me. My dad knows I can be a A student but I got stuck on not going to school for a freasons 1. The Jerks at school 2. The Make up work 3. I just would rather be at home. I still have these stages where I dont go to school for a few days then ill come back. What my father makes me go even though he cared about me he makes me go its my education and I cant through it away
After reading these posts, I finally don't feel so alone. I am the mother of a 14 year old girl with school phobia, asberger's, selective mutism and severe anxiety. She has had school refusal for many years but it worsened with middle school. This year in 9th grade, we tried cyber school but she refused to communicate with her instructors. She has had wrap around services for 4 years now. It is an intensive therapy in which her therapists come to the home and she only has to go out to see the psychiatrist once a month. She is medicated and that helps take the edge off some. She is capable of going out with a few select people such as her older sister or my husband or myself. She loves going to church youth group and participates in Girl Scouts. School is another whole issue. When school is mentioned she becomes visibly distraught. Her whole demeanor changes. She loves school and truly wants to go but for a reason that she is not capable of identifying she cannot. Her therapists and I have been working diligently to help her overcome this. After doing so poorly with cyber school, she asked if she could return to regular school. We enrolled her and she cheerfully went for two days in a row. Then she completely reverted and wouldn't go. Apparently, many people were asking her why she wasn't in school before and she said she doesn't know what to say to that because she doesn't know. It created an overwhelming amount of anxiety for her. At this time, I am at a loss as to what to do. We maxed out our homebound instruction days. Our district allows 90 days per student history. We are planning on home instruction in which I was told was a last resort. Well, aren't we at our last resort? Went to court yesterday for truancy. Was told that I should quit my job and go to school with her everyday. Told the judge that if I were to do that, I couldn't afford to support her. Judge told me to get my priorities straight. I told her that I choose to feed my child over educating her. Got yelled at for that. Judge told me to physically force her to go to school. I said that if I did that children and youth would be at my door. She printed out a sheet from the law books that said you can hit your child. Said pull her up by her hair and make her go. Sorry, that is not something that I am willing to do. Hurt my child because of something in which she has no control over? If the judge was afraid of heights would she like someone to beat her if she refused to climb? People in the schools and judicial system are ridiculous. The truant officer said that she has two kids with asbergers and they both go to school every day. Well, I said good for her. What is her magic secret? Are all kids with Asbergers supposed to behave EXACTLY the same? I am so frustrated and heartbroken that I can't seem to help my little girl. I am happy to be able to hear from people who know the pain and heartbreak that school phobia causes not just for the child but for the entire family.
Oh you poor thing! Our schools and apparently law enforcement are all so ignorant. Why is wanting the best for our children so wrong. and... I love how the judge gave you advice on how to raise OUR child. I was under the understanding that this is the USA and not Russia. I wold never hit my daughter for a mental condition that causes extreme anxiety and fear. ---how sad! I do feel bad that ,my daughter is missing out on developing high school friendships and the social aspect of not attending school but she is physically healthy and I really believe that she will find what makes her happy---and it may not be school. She loves animals- art-makeup- and photography. She may be a great makeup artist, a photographer for National Geo graphics or a Vet Tech. Whatever she does become I want her to be happy. She is a good kid who suffers from a mentally disabling disease. We would not tell a crippled child to shut up and just walk...or a blind child to focus...this is insane to expect and child to suffer through school if it is that which he or she is terrified of. Hats off to all of the parents, family, and friends of those suffering from this phobia. I remember years ago attending a Catholic grade school and kids were beat because they couldn't focus in the classroom. We now know that this was ADHD and kids are treated with medications, teachers are educated on ways to deal with this issue and their education continues......I pray that this happens soon regarding school phobia. This type of anxiety is not understood - lets keep this forum going. Support is a wonderful gift we can give each other. Love your kids and I believe that all will work out. BELIEVE!
God is Great, I am from South Africa and cannot believe the similiarities in all our cases. My daughter is 10 years old and suffers of such serious school phobia that she is contemplating suicide. I have ordered books on the topic and immediately knew she was school phobic as my brother went through the same thing more than 20 years ago. She is a highly intelligent child with an aggregate of over 90%. have also been to phsyciatrist/counsellor etc with no improvement at all, she was placed on the one medication after the other. Yes it seems as if nobody understands the severity, i have recently been capturing her episodes on video and am using it to show to teachers and counsillors to try and prove that this is not a child who is merely manipulating to get her will. What I would like to ask though, is it possible that this phobia could be activated by a stressfull event. Two years ago when she was 8 the school forced her to attend a school camp for 3 days in another town, she had never even slept over away from home. She went and I can recall the absolute look of shock in her eyes when she came back from that trip. Ever since then she cannot speak of the camp and it is when her trouble seemed to start, I do not know what to do anymore all that I know is forcing does not help at all. She used to be the light of our house and when she has to go to school she turns into this little child pleading for help with her big dark eyes sunk in with dark circles around.
I am planning to go see a trauma debriefer in hoping to help her cope with that camp, this might once again be grabbing at straws but I cannot allow her to take her own little life out of desperation one day and have a teacher or counsillor tell me sorry. the lesson I have learnt was that as a parent you have a sixth sense when it comes to your child and I will never ignore my instincts again no matter what who says. I knew she wasnt ready for that camp but she was bullied into going by the school. Thank you and let's help each other.
Hello - so sorry for what you are going through. My 17 year old has just developed a school phobia also - am unsure how this will turn out. She is on anti-anxiety medications and has just started with a therapist who specializes in treating anxiety disorders.
From what I have learned, a child is born with a genetic predisposition to depression and anxiety (40% of the equation). The remaining 60% is from life events, family history, etc. Also, disorders like this are more likely to strike intelligent, conscientious, somewhat perfectionistic people.
With your daughter, life may have eventually caused her to develop a phobia even with the greatest diligence on your part, since we simply cannot shield our children from life.
Could the school provide any time of home teaching? In the U.S. some schools will pay for a teacher to come to your home. Or you may look into homeschool groups in your town, which consist of small groups of kids taught by a tutor. I would highly recommend removing her from the school environment at least for a year, to see if she can work through some of her feelings with a therapist and possibly try medication or natural remedies such as acupuncture, Reiki healing, etc.
No school is worth having a child become suicidal over. Much luck to you and let us know how you are doing.
I cannot believe this is such a common problem around the world. I am from Turkey and my daughter has the same problem. When it comes to school, she has such hard time. She does not have any type of learning problem, she can catch up only sitting and listening in the class. The school is understanding and tries to collaborate with us (family, therapist, community conselling service). Monday is the first day of the second semester after mid year break, and I hope for a good semester. I can relate to all the posts here. Do not forget to believe in your teen's feelings. Their health and presence and well being is all that counts.
wow, i can relate to u guys so much, im 16, and ive been dealing with this for about 4 years now. you remind me of my mom, u both are so understanding, ive been dealing with therapists and psychiatrists for so long and yet nothing has gotten rid of this completely. I miss school and feel terrible, and when i return its bad enough that i have to face questions from my classmates, and to make it worse the teachers probably think im a bad student. before all of this started i was an honor student with 97 averages, and now i dont know what to do, i feel like homeschooling wont help, though i wud like to give it a try. i feel so depressed because i want to be successful and feel that this phobia is getting in the way, and i understand what your daughter is going through, she wants to get better but its not in her hands, she feels helpless, and although it may be a piece of cake for other kids to walk into school, its an everyday battle for teens like us.
Thanks for taking the time to include you post. My daughter is simply existing at home. She fluctuates from wanting to see school friends to stating that she would rather be alone. I am sorry you are also having problems relating to school. This is such a mysterious condition. It is no wonder most people do not understand. I work with girls/women suffering from eating disorders and constantly strive for better education. We also need to educate regarding this panic disorder. School Phobia is REAL and terrifying. Good luck--take one day at a time...small steps.
I am so glad I found this forum. I have felt so alone. My 15 year old son has suffered from school phobia since 6th grade. We switched schools in the beginning of 7th grade and he was doing well..was on several anxiety meds that he decided to wean himself off of in Dec. 2007 and had been doing better...he never had perfect attendance but at least he would attend. 8th grade was also ok, again, grades not so good and more days off then the "average" student, but still it was progress. He started high school this last fall and even joined the diving team, grades still poor, never did or "had" any homework but made school more often then not. Again, progress. Well all of a sudden we are back to what seems like square one. He has refused to go to school now for almost 2 weeks. He says he hates the noise, thinks he's stupid and is very embarresed to ask for help. He is very far behind and won't have enough credits to become a sophomore. He says what's the point in going back. He says he is not going back. He says he can't even think about it without getting angry and depressed. He is a very homebound child, has friends and does ok in social situations but chooses not to do many activities. He is happiest at home, on the computer or playing his guitar. We've started him back on Prozac (which he feels he doesn't need) but I know that his anxiety has flared back up. I'm searching for an online school but I just don't know how cooperative the school district will be. We have a meeting next Monday. I've wanted him tested for learning disabilities since 6th grade and no one at the schools seemed to think he needed it...I don't think he learns the same way as others. He is overwhelmed and then just shuts down. That's the mode we are in now. My husband and I also asked for a 504 plan in 7th grade which they never would agree to. It's my thinking that a child who is given more help when he is overwhelmed would be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel...the administrators looked at it backwards...see what he can accomplish with things the way they were...he didn't know where to start and that's why the grades were so low.
I just want to thank you all for reading if you made it this far! It was good for me just to get this out to people who understand since there are so many who don't. I appreciate all and any advice.
I feel so bad for you and your son. It is amazing that a school would not WANT to get this resolved as soon as it became evident that their was a problem for your son learning in this GENERAL type of school environment. All kids are not the same and it amazes me that schools have NO PROBLEM lining up young kids for their adderal or reglan (labled ADHD) so damn easliy but do not know what to do with anxiety/school based phobic kids/teens. THEY are backwords and need educated about mental conditions and helping those who show signs of this horrific and debilitating health condition. I am glad that your son will take prozac. I hope he can get the help he needs to continue with school as some kids never go back (as my daughter) and become agoriphobic (secluded) GOOD LUCK and keep demanding help from your school district until SOMEONE listens.
I am SO glad you are willing to go through everything you have for your daughter. I'm a junior in highschool and have the same exact problem. I've missed almost 40 days of school this year alone and honestly would have missed more if I could; Since I moved to Maine in 6th grade i've started becoming afraid of school. My parents both don't support me and think i'm making up all of my problems, my doctor thinks nothing is wrong with me and just put me on three antidepressants which all did nothing, and my counciler believes i'm just stressed out. None of them understand that I feel uncomfortable EVERYWHERE in school. I hate the thought of others mocking me or looking at me like i'm strange because i'm barely in class. My teachers are SO unsupportive and constantly threaten me that they will find ways to lower my grade because i'm not learning if i'm not in school. I've explained that I can't help not going because going to school is the worst thing that can happen to me. My boyfriend is the only one that understands how I feel about school since he is the same way. He goes to a school where there are only 8 highschoolers and all of his work is online. It is so unfortunate that people along with me have to deal with this because it is just so exhausting and not fair. If I was given the chance to go to school and have no worries about anything for just ONE day, I would.
I am back with a different name (problems logging in /stlmom). How is everyone doing? My daughter will turn 17 at the end of November and I wanted to give everyone an update since this forum really helped me when I was feeling hopeless. No, she has not returned to formal education. Yes, she still gets visibly upset when talking about school unless 'she' begins the conversation. She went to the High School football games and the dance this Fall and had a blast (I cried with relief when I dropped her off with friends, as it has been a very long road). Usually she freaks out when we shop(anxiety) but she actually tried on several dresses and bought 2. I was shocked!! I am seeing a young girl start to define herself without being in high school and she is doing a great job. My daughter seems to be the online therapist for all of the high school kids thinking that they are in love, depressed because of a breakup or having sex with every boy in school. My daughter is so much wiser and more mature that her friends appear to be. I am convinced that I know MY daughter better that most parents of 'school going teens' because she can talk to me about anything. My daughter has no regrets about the decision to withdraw her from school. She does not feel she has missed anything at all (either do I). My daughter is brilliant with photography and makeup (a true artist) and her brothers and I decided to invest in HER not school. We will get her the best camera/equipment and makeup to develop this talent. She may go to college in the future and that is OK but she will make that decision not me. I wanted to give you all an update as life can change its course when you least expect it to . Remain true to your children. Listen and love them and they will show YOU the way. I do believe in prayer and believe that prayer has helped me to take this slowly. Schools and doctors do not always know what is best for you and your child. Listen to your heart and good luck. (stlmom) GOD BLESS!!!
My 16 year old daughter started having anxiety problems about school half way through last year and ended up on the 504 plan and homebound. She was all excited about school to start this year but the fears and anxiety came back and she has barely attended any school. She is still a 504 student and they have her working on two classes at home via the computer and they want her to attend just afternoons in the lab to do her other classes. After weeks of trying to convince her I finally got her into school and she was okay with it for about a week and she got sick and I haven't been able to get her back into school. I believe she has school phobia and while the school district is doing everything they can to help her, they still threatened taking us to court over her attendance which only adds to her anxiety. I have looked into homeschooling and online schooling, but I'm just not sure if that would be the best for her or not. She does see a therapist once a week. But this is my question I guess; I've had 3 different social workers tell me that while I'm a good mom for caring about my child and trying my best to help her through her fears, that I'm not really helping her if I don't make her go to school. They want me to be the tough parent, they say that a 16 year old should basically hate their parent. I'm sorry but I went through a divorce 2 years ago to her father that was emotional abusive to her and she has told me that I and her sister are the only ones that care about her and they want me to be the tough one. I can't hurt my daughter she's had enough of that. I see her fear of school as real and I can't see making my child hate me as a way to help her. It's not that she doesn't want to go to school she can't and to me won't and can't are two different things. I guess I just want to know if not being the tough parent is going to hurt her in the long run. Any advice?
YOU ARE RIGHT! Won't and Can't are 2 different things. This phobia is real and is so misunderstood. I work daily with girls with acute eating disorders and thank God that my daughter is only missing school. This can NOT kill her and I really believe that she will work through this with lots of love and acceptance. Our children feel bad enough about this anxiety provoking illness. They do not need their parents to put more pressure on them. A GED is acceptable and really discovering what interest your child is what is important. It seems to me that we forget to look at the gifts our children have and the unique qualities they possess. Good luck everyone.
I just read your article from a few years ago and am wondering how your daughter is doing? My son who is 17 and in the last few months of high school before graduating is suffering from school phobia. Everyday is like hell. He just cant work up enough courage to go and severe anxiety sets in to the point of debilitating him. Ugh! He's up til all hours of the night thinking about the next day and talking about how he's going to concur it, but when morning comes he has panic attacks and hives and fear takes over. Then I get that dreadful txt at work....."mom, I just puked and cant breath, I cant go to school today". I just feel helpless! I hate watching him suffer and its consuming our lives. Making it through one day feels like 3 weeks!
I can't belive this is so common, doesn't seem to be the help in the UK though, my daughter, now 14 hasn't gone to school for about 18 months. All these posts describe her to a tee. I am paying for her to see a hypnotherapist at the moment, as the NHS system is so frustrating, no one is helping us at all ....
Iam a Fourth year student from the Philippines.I'am not yet consulting a doctor about my fears at school.But whenever sunday night comes.I always feel that i want to cry.Based on my Research about this phobias 4 over 5 is happening to me like i tell them that my stomach hurts or i had a headche,even if not.I cannot tell my mom about this because i'am afraid so and my dad, he'll gets angry and tells that i'am just acting.I'm afraid to go to school because i was one week absent because of Amoebiasis for 6 days and U.T.I Plus I'm afraid at my teachers and classmates that will ask me why did i absent for one whole week and give a harsh comment.Is this a some kind of School Phobia?Help me please.give an advice how to tell my parents to get a homeschool registration i think at my school.I'm afraid i'm a graduating student.please.someone help me.
I am so glad I found this thread. We are going through the exact same thing with our teenage son. He doesn't have social anxiety, but anxiety over the thought of trying to make up work he has missed when he was out sick for an extended period of time. The doctor ordered homebound instruction but they said he needs a 504 plan, so we have to wait a few weeks before we have a meeting to discuss accommodations and in the meantime he is getting no instruction. I have tried to work with him at home but have had no luck. We have looked into online instruction although we would have to pay for it ourselves, or homeschooling but that could be a disaster. I hear mixed things about whether we should force him back to school or keep him at home. Any advice from others on what they have tried and what worked would be helpful.
I am a freshman and school just started for me 3 days ago. i cannot get into school because i have extreme anxiety that i just can't explain. i get straight a's but i feel like my ( and maybe your daughter) problem is that its obviously not easy to get good grades and to be in a very "paralyzing" place like a high school just makes it 100 times worse! i am very stuck and i feel like theres no way out for me. i really want to homeschool because i know that i will be able to succeed in my work and not worry about where i am or who I'm with. i suffered from this same problem in 6th grade, and 7th and 8th went well. everyone tells me that it did so much for me to push through but that was the worst thing that ever happened to me and i don't want to do it again. all the pushing and stress took a huge toll on me and it just got me back to this massive amount of anxiety and stress freshman year. my family wants me to just go and they know its hard and they try and tell me all of their childhood stories but i really don't think they know how i really feel. i have a teacher at my school that helps me and i see her when i feel i can't go to class (all the time) but i feel like being with her isn't helping me through any of it. also i have missed many classes and it makes me feel so bad that I've missed all my work. in 8th grade i threw up 10 times one day but i insisted that i would stay at school so i didn't miss anything. this was when i didn't have so much stress and anxiety but it just goes to show how much i hate missing things yet can't even get to my classes now. this entire previous summer i was worrying about high school a lot and i now know why. on my first day i panicked and couldn't get to my class. i am now at home not able to even get to school today. i am very worried about whats going to happen and i really am hoping for online homeschool. i have two of the best friends ever and we are extremely athletic with bodybuilding and freerunning (flips, jumps, tricks) and i don't want my friendship and skills to go to waste because of school. i also have my own clothing company that i feel i can't care for because of my anxiety. just wanted to share this with you and see what you think.
the reason is bullying by fellow mates this can include all either physical bullying or emotional ones, making fun of, not giving respect and many more.
this may not include continuous bullying but something in past can make one go phobic for rest of life.
to make it better understand for a person who not have phobia. think if you are attacked by some group of people when you are walking through a road at night. now after that incident you might feel anxious, phobic every time walk lonely at night through that road also can generalize it start anxious for all roads, places, people etc.
Homeschool him for the rest of these months because the importance is 1. Him ,2. His education, this puking is a warning that you have to hurry or he will start feeling dizzy, stomach, even thoughts of suicide, and do not put pressure on him or the anxiety will get worst and when the exams approaches talk to the school maybe the teacher could come and sit with him trough the exam or he could go do the exam at school.
It needs patience and understanding cause if not it will get worse.
Every Problem Has It Solution.
Hey I am 13 years old and I have school phobia I started this year in September when the school treated me like as if I was a rat and they were racists (by school I mean the director, inspector, secretariat, teachers and kids). I am anxious all the time , I read your post and comments and I felt relieve to know that are parents who understand their kids. I went to the hospital 6 times just to make my parents understand what is wrong with me it took me 2 months and a half to make them understand and when they did I kind of forced them to homeschool me. I tried to commit suicide 4 time these 3 months. Now I am homeschooled till Christmas and then they expect me to go back to school. What do you think I should do, how am I going to go threw this?
I searched anxiety disorder and took a test and ended up having a score of sever anxiety disorder.
My parents don't know about the test. I live in Belgium but I am Lebanese I lived my whole life in Lebanon and came to Belgium in end 2011-beggining 2012 and I had separation anxiety for a while.
I really understand, I am 15 and starting my GCSE's soon, and for the last year and a bit i have been having lots of anxiety about college, and the last few months it got worse and worse. Ive had days off school because of it, and for ages i just thought there was something wrong with me. My parents dont think there is anything wrong with me ad think i will get over it, but it only seems to get worse.
They seem to think there is no other option than to go to college, even though i have begged for them to even consider home schooling.
recently, i feel like i dont have a single good relationship in my life, none of my friends seem to understand that i am getting more and more depressed, and my parents dont understand how bad it has gotten. i dont know what to do, school is harder to go to everyday,
I am 15. I have School phobia since grade 01. I just start crying whenever i think of school. I feel nauseous and i have difficulty breathing when i think of school or go to school. I just cant take this.. My parents support me and try to understand but its not helping. My school doesn't have a counselor. And my parents think that therapists and psychologist aren't needed. They think that my problem is not that serious. Sometimes i think death might be better than going to school but if my parents knee that they will worry alot. I didn't go to school for 1 year. And i am going to start school tomorrow. I might throw up. I feel so anxious.. i just wanna cure this. I just wanted to share my story here.