Many women get breast reduction surgery, not just for cosmetic reasons, but for medical ones. Can you imagine having very large breasts and how much weight that is to carry around? The bra straps on your shoulders are digging in and are painful and red. You begin to have back problems because the weight of the breasts pull you forward. You are lugging around pounds that put extra pressure on your whole body. Think of it this way, try imagining walking around with two large bags of sugar attached to your chest. How do you think that feels? That's not an easy thing to deal with and you should be happy for your wife now that she has a better life, free of the pain and discomfort. Don't you want your wife to feel good physically? This is just something to really think about. Your wife did not lose her breasts(many women do from breast cancer or other medical problems), they are still there, so that is something to think of as well.
This is a change for you and your wife, so try to give it all some time. She has to get used to her new body and so do you. Though why not focus on who your wife is and how much better off she is now, than focusing on an old feeling of pleasure for you that in the past caused your wife pain.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm still having difficulty looking at what she so proudly shows off. Irrespective of the medical benefits of reduced weight, I think a lot of it for my wife was "fixing" her aestetic and while she's happy with the results its still very difficult for me to process and look at. I liked the large breast when we first met and thought she looked great even after 3 kids and 14 yrs of marriage. I think sweetpea can talk a lot of platitudes and while its true that one needs to get used to it I'm concerned how long that will take. The hard part is trying to be supportive, while hiding how disturbing the the look and feel are.
I happened upon this thread and was wondering how both husbands are doing now that a few months have gone by?
Wow, I can't believe no body talks about this. There is no way a husband or wife can alter their body and then say it is only their business. Imagine a wife who is only attracted to tall men. One day her husband comes home and say,"Being 6'5" makes me feel socially awkward and people always stare at me. Clothes never fit right and they are hard to find. I'm reducing my height to 5'6" so I can live a better life." Post-op the wife would not feel as attracted to the husband and many "height fixated" women would file for a divorce. Somehow, men who are attracted to large breasts are villianize, but it is a common and natural thing among men. Unless a wife is in pain and everything else has been attempted to help, I think wives are wrong to get reductions. Why would a wife want to make herself less atrractive to her husband? Totally selfish.
I realize that many women get reductions for medical reasons and that is understandable. Just saying that having empathy for husbands and boyfriends who find large breasts aestheticly pleasing should not be seen as completely unimportant. You mentioned that you don't understand finding large breasts attractive so I assume you have not empathy at all. But it is hard to experience the women love become suddenly different and less attractive even if you know it is to relieve her pain. I still believe breast reduction and height reduction are close aesthetic equivalents in a gender sense.
What is selfish is the way this surgery screws up more relationships than lives it betters. When a man is attracted to a woman that is a good thing. How can you possibly fault an individual for being attracted to you. If he likes your breasts that is a great thing. The doctors tell you how out of proportion you are and they can reduce the size back to a more normal size. Let's step back a second and think about what is actually going on here. A strange individual takes a small sharp knife and cuts large pieces of breast tissue from those very glands that define you as a woman. He then pulls what is left back together staples it and stitches what he can back together to form some resemblance of a breast. In my wines case the nipples look like they were cut with a small cookie cutter, she is scarred from armpit to armpit, half of each breast has ended up as bags under each armpit and the doctor took well over two thirds of each breast. Now she looks normal I guess. Sure they are smaller but very ugly. I can only speak for myself but this surgery was a complete disaster for our marriage.
My wife of 26 years, had very large breast in her mind in mine her body was perfect.. After about 16 years of marriage my wife told me she had discussed it with her sister and after they were done discussing it.. She
thought she was going to have a reduction done. After I let her know there was no way on God green earth this was not going to happen. Not because I rule the home with a iron fist, but this was the same woman who had told me we would grow old gracefully and not under the knife. My wife is 4 years older than me and 99% of people believe I'm 5+ years older than her. Now we know who's aging gracefully. My biggest problem at that time was it was discussed with her sister, not me. Move forward 10 years. My wife, our daughter 22, our son 19, and myself are sitting at a restaurant and I'm told along with our kids. She has good news, "she has decide she is going to get a breast reduction" I just froze . I 've been in therapy for over 10 + years. When my therapist asked if after 30 years of being together, I've told my wife how much I was against it and it bothered me, I could not believe how quick the word "NO" came out without even thinking about it. I replied "it wont matter" after hearing myself, I decide to bring it up. In her loudest voice she let me know "I knew you would make this all about you". I said no but can we talk about it, maybe come to a middle. "NO" she replied. I then said something that was not a threat but just a very sad feeling. "if we don't talk about this ,it could destroy our family & marriage". After healing time. We tried to be intimate twice, the first time I couldn't even look, nor receive pleasure, the second time wasn't much different. After 10 weeks of her recovery, it just didn't feel right any longer it was just quite. I told my wife I was going to move out. Almost 7-8 months later we just keep growing apart. I have dreams of my family and want to go home. She is the only woman I ever wanted to spend my life with. Know I just want to love again and be loved in the way I feel loved. So ladies(wives) we know its your body and its your breast, but try to remember your our wife's(LIFE'S) and who knows why but we go through something very painful also our hearts breaking. Last thing enough with the red mark from the underwire or straps. My belt leaves the worst red mark that hurts and itches and my shoelaces when there too tight, but I've never considered cutting off my feet or waist down. You put the bra on, wear a looser one or none. The men are looking if you wear one or don't and 99% of the time we're always saying looking good....Last and most important God forbid should any of you ever get breast cancer the husband who loves you, will be dragging you to the hospital to have them removed. We know how much we need you. We just want to feel needed and have our feelings count also.
Rose if there is pain or any other medical condition and a husband doesn't understand the reason for getting it done when it is to take away pain or give you a healthier life. Is a man who fell in love with your boobs and not you. I realize this is not your story. My wife did speak of discomfort or pain every once in awhile, but I rarely ever seen or new that she would take a over the counter pain med and never anything stronger. So how bad was the pain?? I'm guessing and in no way standing in judgment, if anything I
hope when you were in pain there was something you had that would help you. There are no awards for living in pain. My wife about 6 years ago had a skin cancer not diagnosed correctly on her chin for 3 years until she changed doctors. By the grace of God it did not go into her bone. They only had to remove her chin under her bottom lip from right to left, but the chin bone stayed. I walked into the room where she was sitting up and ask me how she looked as there are no mirrors in the room. With my eyes filled with tears that were now rolling down my face, she asked "how do I look"? My mouth open and the words BEAUTIFUL came out he did such a great job. My brain was in high crazy gear crying harder than it ever has asking God "WHERE IS MY WIFES CHIN" AS THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HERE CHIN ONCE WAS. My wife had a large scar that was in a football shape. When she asked this time " How do I look during this time " I replied the truth "AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER" So when its about health there is doubt thing need to be done. But when its really not(not that the marks aren't there and the straps are leaving marks) but GEEZ THESE HUSBANDS(REAL MEN) MARRY, TRY TO RAISE A FAMILY CORRECT, AND IN SOME CASES (MINE FOR SURE) I THE HUSBAND WORK SO HARD TO EARN ENOUGH SO MY WIFE CAN LIVE THE LIFE SHE CHOOSES. I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS PAIN (HEART BREAK) or want it. BUT IT IS REAL AND THE FEELING FOR MY BEST FRIEND SINCE I"M 20 YEARS OLD NOW 49 ARE GONE, and I want them back. I will never not love her she is the mother of my children. I want to love her again as the only love in my life.
I know this pain your are experiencing. My husband of 28 yrs has been messed up for the past 12 yrs since I had my breast reduction... It has ruined my marriage. I had neck and shoulder pain and my husband WAS supportive about the surgery. We discussed it, watched a video of the surgery together etc. what came after was so unexpected . My husband cried for months, tried antidepressant mess and we did grow apart. I acknowledged his feeling,tried to reassure that surgery takes time to heal and settle down. My husband started having erectile problems and things continued to get worse. I do understand he may be grieving and it is a body image change. I guess after dealing with such strong emotions for months I just wanted to move on with my life, but he couldn't. He was stuck in this rut"your not the same person". Difficult to deal with these emotions for past 12 yrs and yes it has ruined us.. It took a few years after surgery for things to sexually be better but we're not the same couple anymore. My breasts are back to the same size when I meet my husband now(grew larger after each child).he can't get passed it!
Thank you for posting this. I have had the similar experience. 7 years later I am still so sad. She had the operation despite my expressed wishes, and after I could feel nothing but disgust.
I tried and I tried, but I could not get the feeling back. She broke up because my lack of interest.
I am so sad still. I am so f'n sad. I feel you man.
It's not like we can completely control sexual attraction. If w could, then we would decide to be excited about any kind of body whatsoever. Would make life easy. But as it is, if we are disgusted by, or stressed by the reduced breasts, then, in my experience, it is almost impossible to "wish it away and be happy".
Loving someone and feeling sexual attraction is not for men perfectly aligned. And its not because they don't wish it were.
Well I have been with the same partner for 11 years. She got the breast reduction early on in our relationship. Maybe after one year together. I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, betrayal, depression. I felt and still feel shallow for caring so much about her breasts but that is how I feel. I feel it is something a female will never fully understand. What if I decided to get a penis reduction? Would most woman be accepting of that? Highly unlikely. She had a wonderful pair of breasts and went from DD to B/C . I am partial to big **** but I love breast in all shapes and sizes, they were hers and it hurt a lot to see them go. I repressed it for a while but it just made it worse. I regret not speaking up more prior to her doing it. I feel if she were to consider doing it now I would put a up a huge battle. Also it was not for back issues, purely a confidence thing. Well I wish I was hung like a horse but I'm not going to get an operation! Just had to get that off my chest. Getting married in two months and I am still holding on to this ********. If anyone has any advice to finally put this **** behind me, please let me know.
In December of 2013, I had made the choice to undergo breast reduction surgery. (I was a 40G and went to a D)This is something I had wanted since I was 17 years old (now 38). This decision was not made lightly and in fact was always something I had talked about to my husband from very early on in our relationship prior to getting married. When it would be talked about he was supportive, but as time drew closer, he wanted no part of it and began telling myself AND family members he would in fact, divorce me if I followed through with it. I knew that he liked my breast but to be quite honest, our sex life was practically non existent which was making me feel even worse. He said that he knew if I went through it, he may never forgive me and if I didn't do it for his sake, I would resent him. The sad reality is just this...do breast make the person? What about weight loss and gain? Hair changes, long, short, brown, blonde?
I get that there is physical attraction but when you make the commitment to marry a person, and enter into that holy sacrament , is it strictly for that physical reason? Because if that is the case, then you should not marry that individual. Marriage should be so much deeper than that.
I do not regret my choice because I have no more back pain, my shoulders do not pull forward, I can find bras and clothes that finally fit and it actually got me to start becoming more healthy because of them not being in the way of exercising. I regret that we started out on the same page and fell away from that. Now, here is the interesting turn of events, after about two months after surgery, he finally wanted to see them. We were both hesitant but made it through. It actually began to draw us closer, to open up about so many other things that we had misunderstood over the years. We actually started to have a great, regular sex life! Sadly, after about six months, he is back to wanting a divorce and this being the no. 1 reason. YHe would go to the bar after work and then come home telling me about this particular girl, saying how big her **** were, how he tries to not look but now that I don't have them, he HAS to look at everyone else's and telling me she is a missed opportunity because he is married. Needless to say, we are back to bad and he actually has been staying with this new said girl.
I am desperately trying to understand his points and can gactually empathize with him, however, it IS my body, my pains and I dealt with the constant stares. Everyone will have their opinions but being mean and cruel to another person should never be ok irregardless of the situation.
It's so aweful as a woman to feel that you are worth nothing more than a pair of breasts... My breasts are the same size as when I met my husbad( got larger with pregnancy)After 12-13 years of dealing with emotional issues over this and some other things that have come up in our marriage because of my surgery we are now in the middle of divorce... I can't live with shallow Hal any longer.. I'm a cute, educated, good mom of 3 with great sense of humor and a passion for my job .. Time does not heal this.. Counseling may help sort out deep feeling why this is so over the top
Wow. It was gut wrenching to read a lot of these comments. Many of these men suffer the anguish of seeing the woman they love and desire surgically altered to a point where their sex life suffers only to have it compounded with what amounts to mental abuse by others who claim they are being selfish and insensitive. When I first told my friends 20 years ago that I was going out on a date with my future wife, they asked if I meant that chubby girl. Yes, she was chubby and still is and always will be. It's her body type. Society and men in general put all kinds of pressure on each other to marry the "right type" of girl and that generally means skinny. I am so happy I didn't listen to any of that because I ended up with the most loving and caring women I have ever met. She also has a fantastic pair of DDs. She knows that. I find her, the whole package immensely attractive. I know her boobs put pressure on her back and sometimes hinders her in other ways. I asked her if she would like to have smaller breasts. After thinking about it she admitted that it would be a gift in many respects but also she knows I enjoy them during sex and that she enjoys that I enjoy them. She said that she always hears the other nurses at work complain about their lame sex lives and it makes her appreciate how active ours is and that she wouldn't ever want to jeapordize that because it is one of the reasons we are so close to each other. Another example of why she is so amazing.
It is only a matter of time. Give yourself some time till you get comfortable with the changed shape of your partner's body. Once you will get comfortable with it, you will start liking the change. You have to understand that its her body & there must have been a solid reason behind her decision to go through breast reduction surgery.
One of the following Problems must have enforced her to undergo the surgery:-
-The woman with macromastia presents enlarged breasts that tend to be sagging, the weight of which cause her pains in the chest, neck, back, and shoulders
- Inhibit breathing deeply; rendering the woman unable to take a deep breath and fill her lungs with air.
- Lower breast-hemisphere skin infection (inframammary intertrigo)
- Cause brassière-strap indentations to the shoulders; and render her unable to properly fit her clothes.
For reference about breast surgery(breast reduction/breast augemntation):-
Women have no clue. You completely discount what this man is saying. He is telling you how he feels. My wife had a breast reduction 10 years ago and I am still depressed about it. Poor me I know, but that is how I feel. If there is any constructive suggestions for men who are depressed about their wives breast reduction please comment
Like already stated "I was surprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression." My wife had a reduction 13 months ago. I have tried to get used to her new much reduced shape and it is not going well. I find it difficult to look at her scarred breasts. She says what if I had cancer? I say that is different, you underwent a voluntary procedure because you didn't like the way people looked at you. We get nowhere. I more or less can force myself to be with her, but if I think too much while being together I cannot maintain an erection. If I was not in my 60's I would move on, but I don’t relish the thought of "dating." I love her for many reasons, but don't find her sexually attractive. So where does that leave us? In some sort of limbo, a plutonic type relationship without desire that make me nauseous when I think about it. I lusted for my wife for many years, now I have difficulty looking at her.
Well said. My husband actually encouraged me to do breast reduction i refused. Two years later i started getting back and shoulder pains. Did reduction 1/16/2015 and am so happy with the outcome. Wish i did it long ago.
Unconditional love sees through the physical. Couples both female and males can go through all sorts of physical illnesses that change the way they look through illnes,s aging, operations and life saving operations etc. Also, women can suffer prolapse and have difficulties with the ability to have sex and men can suffer issues with erectile issues for a number of reasons. If this alters the relationship it may be a good time to consider counselling to address the changes that life brings to our bodies as we get older.
If a woman had breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy would her husband not feel attracted to her? Would he want to reject her? Some men may want to move on. This is sad but the truth is.. that his wife would simply know more about him, his fears and tolerances etc., He would not have changed, but have opened up more for her to see. Is this good? She may be very sad, but sometimes if a partner is no longer attracted to a woman simply because of physical changes to her appearance it may make her question if she has the close unconditional relationship she always thought she had.
We are all entitled to our feelings both male and female.
If fears and deep resentments arise in any area of a couples relationship it could be a good idea to get counselling to address this rather than allow the relationship to suffer.
If resentment builds as our partners get happier for whatever reason, there may be more going on than literally meets the eye.
8 years later and I have never gotten used to my wife's changed body. I never will and no amount of counseling will change. I've tried. We're still married but sex life is non existent. I don't dare say anything or I'm a selfish *******. I just suffer in silence and accept the fact that my sex life is basically over. I'm committed to being faithful. The anger is there and it manifests itself in depression but there is nothing I can do to change my wife's body back or erase the image of what was lost to me physically. Sad but true. There are many aspects about my spouse I love. I pleaded with her to reconsider before going ahead with the surgery but was basically told to get over it. If I could have even had some say as to the extend of the reduction I may have felt different, but it basically came down to the surgeon and my wife making the decision and I had no input.
I dare not say anything or I am a bad person. So, I'm sorry ladies who feel we are selfish bastards, but I've tried to adjust. Most men are just wired to the visual appearance of a woman. It has been proven over and over that sex is very much about the visual and tactile experience for men. What are we supposed to do? Deny our hormones? If a women is suffering PMS due to hormonal changes, it is accetable. If a man has inabillity to adapt due to physical changes in a women we are just awful people. Frankly, I give up.
I'm very surprised this is the best conversation across the internet so this is my story for the past couple months my wife has been hinting she was going through with this procedure and for the longest i was very supportive and the night before the operation we tried having sex but i really wasn't into it and we both went to bed upset at each other she said it would change her life for the better then the day came i had high hopes that things would come out great until i seen her after the operation i was extremely let down from what was said during the pre op she would go from a g cup down to maybe a solid d cup but she looked more like a average c cup on the way home my disappointment and anger got the better of me and i said some very hurtful things and after she had enough she said some back it took me to call a family crisis line to get advise on how to handle the situation they said the same thing many of the female commenters said "she is the one going through the surgery""it's her life"and etc but the only thing that really hurts my feeling that i thought that we are a team and we should think together instead of apart later that night i reassured her that i wasn't going anywhere but i still fall in with some of the guys i have always been attracted to my wife other than her physical appearance she is loving and trusting and we have been through a lot more together than any other women i have ever been in a serious relationship with but i always enjoyed her being a plus sized girl and that was one of the great physical attributes my wife had c cup sized breast look great on a female of a certain body sized but if you put them on a larger size girl it just doesn't look natural at all i understand the women side of the story with the health benefits but i understand the guys side of maybe getting some reassurance than the procedure won't go horrible wrong she is left with nothing but in the end what is done is done i can't cry over her decision when i have my own life to live that's something she has to live with i don't have to like the final result but i have to accept it because she is my wife and thats who i vowed to honor and cherish just like she is going to honor and cherish me and as far as the other commenters now matter if it's been 1 day or 8 years ago that you and your spouse had this procedure done don't let something special slip away over something like this just remember the good times and the bad and the reasons on why you two decided to get married or get involved into a serious relationship in the first place it's not the men fault that they have feeling's or emotion's and it's not the women fault that they have health concern's with having large breast WE ARE ALL HUMAN and all of us are very unique and in a relationship we need to work with, respect, and understand each others needs and feeling to have a healthy relationship p.s. I HATE C-CUPS!!!
It's incredibly sad to me that so many of you have let your marriages fall apart because of what you deem as a physical imperfection. My boyfriend and I had only been together for 4 months when I underwent my surgery. I was then forced to spend the following 3 months recovering states away from him, but throughout this time he was incredibly loyal and, above all, excited for me. We've been together for over two years now and I have never felt more confident and comfortable in my body, resulting in an even healthier sex life. Next to trust, the most important part of a relationship is putting the other's health and happiness before your own. It's pretty pathetic that a 19 and 20 year old were able to endure something so inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) better than some of you who have been married for over a decade. I feel sorry for your poor, undervalued wives. I hope they some day find men who will be attracted to their other physical and intellectual aspects which you have failed to appreciate.