7677085 tn?1395374075

Considering writing a suicide note just in case

I'm terrified of this stupid depression. It seems to keep getting worse despite treatment. I have a two year old and a three month old. I have an amazing supportive husband and he'd be fine without me. He is a great dad and I know he'd have a hard couple of weeks adjustment if I was gone, but I can't convince myself that I'm worth staying.

I'm terrified that I'll go through with leaving/suicide, and I'm terrified I won't. My girls don't deserve growing up with me this way. But I can't leave. I don't really know what to do. I wish this forum was more active.
10 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
If you are that aware of your PPD, you must have seen a doctor, right?  What does the doctor say or do for you?  You should call tonight, the on-call number, and get someone to talk to and see what they can do.
9571159 tn?1419571005
This made me so sad I wish I could give you a hug :( why do you think you're so worthless?
Avatar universal
just know your not the only one, im also there though I wouldn't commit sucide but ive been threw all the lows at work, no one likes me there, for me I got to a low point and I just stayed there and got used to it, don't kill yourself I tell myself 2 years from now ill be a welder, what do you want to do?
287246 tn?1318570063
I sure hope you got some help and that you are doing much better.
Avatar universal
Tears to my eyes. Nobody deserv to feel like this.  Be Strong My love. Find someone to talk to or some support group.  Those girls need you. One love mom. God bless you.
Avatar universal
Just know that your kids will always need a mothers love and protection I know right now may seem like its not going as you expect and you can't seem to shake the depression and sadness... Have you tried liatening to uplifting Gospel Music Or any genre of music that makes you happy... Or take a week with the husband and kids and just bond again. Allow your kids to show you how much they need you... I have a friend who lost her mom and I can see the difference she searches for that mother figure a women to talk to about her problem and help guide her... Your kids will appreciate you not leaving them early but helping raise them...
12861671 tn?1439752639
Oh, you poor thing ;) Your post made me cry for you. I suffered with depression through my pregnancy, thankful it has lifted now. It almost cost my relationship as I walked out a good few times not able to cope. Please remember that what you are going through is temporary. Your husband and children need love you every day, so keep thought close to the front of your mind. Also, go back to your doctor for help...I say this and I know I found it hard to bring it up to my doctor. My doctor made me journal my feelings and thoughts, which was actually really useful. It helped sort out my thoughts and realise at times which ones were really irrational. I also went to counciling. Talk to your husband about how low you are feeling: he needs to understand. Do you have family or friends that may be able to help you with childminding or general housework to give you a break? You'll get through this...it's a short term thing x
Avatar universal
Don't take this the wrong way...


I only say that because this is what I have to tell myself... You are what is best for your children... I know this is an old post and I hope that it has all gotten better for you... But it is selfish... Selfish because our children need us and they are our blessings in life... It's hard to get those crazy thoughts out of our heads I must admit but me being selfish is what helps me from not doing it and plus I think who is a better fit for me kids other than myself... And I keep coming back to no one... It's gonna be OK... Think about who brings the best smiles to your children's faces... When they say mommy I love you it just warms your heart... When my son tries to give me the biggest hugs and he's only 1 it shows me I'm loving him right... When my 9,7 and 5 year old daughter ask me how day is or ask me how I'm doing or ask me if I'm alright it lets me know I'm teaching them to love and care about others...

I do wanna say this again stop being selfish and look at your blessings... It's gonna get better you have to believe and know it... I haven't even had my 5th child yet and I'm struggling with it everyday now just believe and know sweetie...
Avatar universal
Hi sweetie
I'm just checking on you. I hope your doing better! Us moms goes through a lot and when baby blues hits us it's no fun! I myself just came out of it.  There's times where I would go crazy because my 1yr daughter wouldn't stop crying and my 1week old baby would b sleep and she would wake him up.  But with a little guidance from God and talking to him he pulled me through it.  I fought and fought through it.  I was scared I might of did something I would regret for the rest of my life.  So I took a sec and calm down and I turned to God for help.  I asked him to help me through this time of matter and he did! I am now strong and very wised .I now have both of my kids on schedule and got the hang of having 2kids that are a year apart.  Trust me it gets easier. Just hang in their moma
Avatar universal
Hope you are doing much better i pray that god five you the strenght that u need to carry on just pray and ask god to bring you through this. Big hug ur going to be ok

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