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Postpartum Depression (PPD) Community
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Avatar universal

How to know for sure that I have postpartum depression?

I thought I did but I'm on my second medication (2 weeks on prior, 1 1/2 weeks on current) and while I felt better initially with this one, I've been crying for almost 12 hours straight now. I have a really supportive husband, I've told my close friends and they are all trying to help me but it just makes me feel worse. I know that they truly care but I wish they didn't, I wish I hadn't told anyone, I just want to be alone.
My first daughter was great in every way (still is, she keeps me going) and I was worried I wouldn't love the new baby as much but I did, but I loved her so much. Then I started not liking her as much, still loved her but her cry was really annoying and she wouldn't sleep, she woke up every 2 hours for the first 6.5 months until I quit breast feeding. Then she could last 3-4 hours but I couldn't like her more. Every sound she makes is nails on a chalk board and now I don't think I even lover her anymore, I wish daily that I didn't have her and things could go back to before.
I have every support available to me, I've been working a day or 2 a week since she was a month old so I could get some time away, my in laws live in my city and offer to take the kids anytime I need, including overnight, my husband cooks supper a couple times a week, encourages me to get out and do stuff, is great at caring for the kids. But I feel bad making other people hang out with the baby, they don't deserve that and all their help makes me feel guilty - I'm not going to get better becasue I think I just truly hate my life, there is nothing good left in me, like a hollowed out bag of garbage and I don't deserve to get better becasue I really don't even want to.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
You should consider going to church. Being surrounded by uplifting people will do you good. I remember feeling how you were feeling when my son was 1 yr old . I started having panic attacks and depression. They told me I was probably stressing at home and maybe i had a messed up child hood smh lol. Little did they know that pod can show up anytime within months ,a yr ,2 yrs or 3 yrs. I've been on anti depressant a couple of times but only lasted about a wk or so bcuz of the side effects. They tell you every thing will get better after 4 to 6 wks but I was so miserable. I decided to go to church and study the bible. It really helped me control my ppd and panic attacks. When i had my 6 yr old I went through the same thing . I decided to have another baby this yr 2018 and my last but was affraid to get ppd again. Well what do you know I  m dealing with it again smh. It's true what they say once you start feeling good you put god to the side. It's happen to me couple of times. I stopped serving god 2 yrs ago and now I'm looking for him again smh. Sad but true. This time I attend to serve him the rest of my life because he has blessed mE and my fam so many ways. I hope all this helps. I'll be praying for all of us that are struggling. I've noticed your post was posted 2017. I hope you feeling better now. God bless
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