You don't feel like your child is your own despite having been pregnant? Why is that?
My suggestion is that if you are terrified of doctors or hospitals, telephone your ob-gyn's office and ask them for the name of a counselor or therapist who specializes in post-natal depression. It does sound like you are suffering from it, and even if not, you could use someone to talk to. There are counselors who do only counseling around baby and birth issues. Believe me, it does make a world of difference.
I had my son very late in my life, reproductively speaking. Please feel free to pm me and ask anything you want to know. If we were in the same town I would be glad to get together in person and have a cup of coffee and talk to you about this. It is so important!
I'm 45 and this is my first child. It can be overwhelming. some days can be challenging but its important to know your not alone and there is help. Don't be afraid to ask. I sometimes have to deal with all my issues, I.e. inadequacy, fear, anxiety, worry,sadness, etc. by myself but I stop to pray and then call family or friends and let it out. It makes me feel better
That and dome sleep.
This is why this space is good. To find out what others Mom are going through. How they can relate to you. There are real counselors out there who can help deal with any issue. Be your own hero and let someone help. I prayed for you and your baby girl things will change and work out.
Just know there are many women who will love to change places with you and be glad about the newborn they had later in life. Man has put a age limit on birth, God didnt if it wasn't in the plan God had for you it never would've happen. God gave u the desires of your hear in his timing, be thankful and be blessed. You don't want your blessing to be taken away do u? Pray about the things u don't understand and let go all the negative
I do feel sometime the same and sometimes overwhelming love and disbelief that I have daughter !! Sometimes I feel I want my old life back just me and my husband and all atention to me! Miss my time with him too !! But sacrifices we done just to get pregnant and road we gone true I start to feel guilty for even thinking that I can't cope or scared of future if she misbehaves or get sick!!
Please seek help asap , and remember that baby girl is your blessing from God she is here for a reason god bless you and that beautiful baby girl take care of HER! PLEASE