I dont know what your situation is Vance but I just prayed for you. I pray that you will find the truth.
The Lord sees your heart and knows you better than you know yoursefl, Vance. All He desires is for you to confess your sins and turn to Him and trust Him as your Savior. He longs to draw you closer even more than you long, yourself, believe it or not. Think of the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15: 11-32).
He doesn't want us to beat ourselves up, only to turn to Him and give Him our hearts and trust Him.
I pray God will show Himself to you in a very real way. Hugs and blessings.
I am new here and see that it has been a while since your original post. I do pray that what you were going through is now over and you have peace. Our Lord died not only to cleanse us of our sins but for our salvation. He is the bridge that reconnects us to the Father.
I pray to the one who is the Cause of all causes that may he guide you on the path of truth. May He grant you the power to discover your untapped potential so that you can realize all your plans and walk on the way He has designated for you. For you must know that the mind can be the greatest of friends but also the worse of foes.
You will find your salvation Vance. I will pray that it happens. But keep in mind that you are not lost. The Lord is just carrying out a test. He will never let you fail. As the Lord said in Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY!