please help

[waitn838]

hey ladies....times have def been tough lately...im in need of some advice or opinions as i have so mnay questions and just feel like my head is weighing very heavy right now

i had a mc 2 weeks ago today and have been devastated...i want nothing more than to be preg again but since i lost my baby in the 2nd trimester my doc wants to do testing...im in agreement that this testing needs to be done as i dont want to go through this again....

my bf has been my rock through all of it but i feel like there is a space inbetween us now...i know men and women deal with things differently but when the mc first happened we both agreed we wanted to try again....but now he's saying "not at this time.", but he wont define what time he is referring to

maybe he's referring to not until my testing is done, not this month, not next month, not this year....gosh...how am i supposed to know what he's referring to

some people say he's scared and dealing with the mc in his own way but how do i cope with all of this....do you think he's not going to want another baby...i take everything so personal anymore and i just feel like my rock has slipped and im falling into a hole i cant find my way out of

please somebody help me...if you have had a mc...how did you help your partner cope with it and when did the both of you decide to TTC again

[waitn838]

thanks for the advice...i will keep this in mind...its so hard to try to focus when your head is all over the place

[melimeli]

I know it is hard to think about anything else right now but please don't neglect your relationship right now.. if your bf feels he is just a means to an end he is less likely to want to participate...  take some "us" time and try not to let ttc be the only topic of conversation... men just feel so useless when it comes to things like that and then they want to avoid it...  try to love him and make him feel important....  that will probably be the best way to have him feel eager to ttc again

[waitn838]

i feel that you two are right...which is what i wanted to hear...

vsentz - your story is so much like me right now...im crushed, i want to TTC asap and i feel let down by him not wanting to so soon

i got about 6-8 weeks of testing once my levels are 0 and hopefully by then we can sit down and talk about things...until then im going to an emotional wreck

i view this as he doesnt want a baby with me for all the wrong reasons...and i know its unfair to think this way...but i can only think negative since i lost my baby

its been so unbelivable tough on me and has me stressed to the high hills...im just hoping deep down things get better and im on the road of TTC soon again

[vsentz]

hunny, i had the same thing happen to us....
While i was dealing (sort of...) in my own way... he was a rock.... but when we didn't conceive that next month... or the following one... and i started really falling apart... then that's when he said 'no, i don't want you to suffer again... we should just wait... let's see how it goes'.....
I was even MORE devastated...
we ended up buying a puppy.... and she has been my (ugh, this is dumb of me if you want, but it's true...) replacement baby ever since! i got to care for someone little that depended almost 100% on me... she gave us laughter, she was cute, chubby and little, she was a hand full..... so i started to get 'up and about'... but still the sorrow wouldn't go away....
Even tho he said he wanted to wait... or 'we'll see what happens' thing... we still TTC'ed.... we were very VERY stressed tho, and month by month that wasn't happening, it was like something drawed us apart... until he understood me, he saw me CRUSHED on the ground.. and then he acted differently... still would tell me to 'not obsess' which would bring me to an anger state and i'd just wanna kill him! i was not obsessing! i wanted to fill that whole that my little angel left in my skin and heart!

After a year and some, we conceived (i had so many issues, don't worry, it won't be your case!) and we are so intune now....
He will come around girl, that 's the way my dh and your bf are dealing with it...
They don't show it like us.... they don't feel it like us!... but they DO feel it.... maybe he's scared.... maybe he needs time... but if you talk to him and tell him JUST HOW MUCH this means to you... maybe you guys can get in tune also...

((((HUGS)))

[melimeli]

he is going through it too.. it is hard.. after my m/c in aug.. my dh said he didn't want to try again until feb or something...  well it was too late then cuz I was already pg...  I was so glad because I didn't want to wait... I think guys have it a little harder than us in some ways because they are fixers and this is something they can't fix and it scared them to be so impotent again...