A little blue

[LisaRG]

Hi all,
Today I was helping parent at my DD preschool, and yet again someone has just become a big sister/brother or is going to become a big sister/brother any day and everyone is so excited.  My DD is begining to ask questions about a sibling.
In all honesty I am a little jealous and today I am sad.  I know it was my choice to wait so long to have children.  I'm just sad today.
Does anyone have any idea what I should say to Chloe when she asks about a sibling?  
Thanks,
Lisa

[melimeli]

she wont be alone she will have a husband and children of her own... I have 2 brothers and we barely speak... not out of anger we just arn't close.. so don't worry

[vsentz]

DITTO AMANDA! =)

If I would have said something, it would have been the exact same thing as Amanda. I am an only child too and I can relate to you girl! =)
Growing up, I never felt lonely. I knew I always had someone to invite over and at the end of the day, when I would be annoyed or something, they would go home! lol!!!! ;) (what a brat)
Growing up as an only child was awesome! all the love and attention was for me... eventho I always wanted to be a big sister, my mom couldn't.... but I don't look back and regret it... I look back and see how much love surrounded me at all times... and still does.
I remember putting a baby doll in her toy crib and kneel down beside it, praying God to convert this doll into a flesh and boned child the next morning... I felt crushed when I came running the next day to find out my baby doll was still there... but now I realize that God listened to my prayers, and gave me my real baby doll I always wanted! (it just didn't happen that day.... *wink wink*)

[40smama]

Lisa - I hope your day got better (while i'm writing this at almost 2:00 in the morning!).  I wish I had magic words to make things better but as usual, I'm struggling.  Your little Chloe will be so understanding - three year olds usually are surprisingly and will accept whatever you tell her.  I know fertility at this age's an uphill battle - forgive me for asking but are you under the care of an re and have had hormone tests done?

Amanda - I love your story about being an only child - it brought peace to me considering my baby.  Even though he has siblings, they are so much older than he is - they could be his parents.  My dh would like to have another but I think it'd be cool to raise just No-No by himself and focus on him.  I know I won't have much to time to make up my mind about this though.

[Miranda9]

Hi Lisa,
I don't have suggestions but I can empathize because I often feel that way about my niece.  She just turned 3 in November, she is my fraternal twin sister's daughter and she is an only child.  My sister had her at age 39. (For both of us, we were just too focused on work and/or travelling and/or too fearful about the responsibilties of motherhood to contemplate it earlier...I keep justifying this in many of my posts, must stop doing that...)

I grew up with my twin sister - no other siblings - and we were the best of freinds and the worst of enemies.  But she is my closest friend even now and we live in the same neighbourhood, in a different city than the one we grew up.  

I've always had her to "back" me up and so sometimes I wonder if my niece will be missing that.  But she has many friends and playdates and I know she'll be fine.  If anything, she might be more stronger and confident than I was, because I was very dependant on my twin.

Growing up, my sister and I always wanted to plan our pregnancies together, so that our children could be like siblings (and so we could have our maternity year off together as well.)  

Alas, it did not happen like that.  And so, yes, sometimes I am sad.  I look at her and I see my DNA.  My partner wants a child very much.  Often I think I want a baby for him and for my niece more than for me.

[PamelaBee]

I have those days too Lisa.  I constantly think about Connor being an only child, and me getting up there in age...is it possible that I can have another baby at 45?  Is it fair to have a child so late in life?  I guess for now my answer is yes to both questions, as I've been blessed with a BFP.  But, I too become sad and consumed with the thought of why I waited so long to have a baby(s), and why is this happening to me now.  Just know, there is hope!  As long as you are getting your period, you have some babymaking time left and active body parts that are up for the challenge! : )  Man, that sounded like a man's advice : )  but, you know what I mean.  As far as what to tell Chloe, I suggest, as little as possible, but honest, understandable facts.  She is 3?  They can probably absorb so much, but I wouldn't get into too much...Hope your blue day turns yellow quickly!!  Pam

[kmgr32]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling blue today.  It is so difficult when we want something so badly to even think straight, let alone come up with the right words to tell our young children.  My DD is 2 and although she hasn't asked yet I know she will.  Just about everyone that we hang out with her age has a little sibling or one of the way.  It is really hard for me too.  I wonder sometimes if I want another baby more for me or for her?  I just can't imagine not growing up with siblings.  I had 3.  Amanda, your post really touched me and gives me a different perspective and great advice for my DD if we aren't able to have more.  Thanks for sharing.  And Lisa, I hope that tomorrow it does shine in your world :)
Kara

[LisaRG]

Once again you all have the right words.

I think all the posts today about the saddness our friends are feeling regarding possible miscarriages makes me so sad for them and then I recall my first m/c and how hard that was.
Amanda,
I worry for Chloe as an only child becasue I can only live so long and all her cousins/family live in England.  I am so afraid to leave her alone.  She is very shy, like her dad and Grandad.  I really want her to have a siblings.  
Maybe its perimenopause blues and it's almost O time of the month.  Maybe its hormones.
Tomorrow is another day.
Thanks so much:)
Lisa

[Savanha]

Lisa...

I can't answer your question, but wanted to say that I hope your day gets better. I can totally relate though, because sometimes I get so...I call it "full of baby LuV" that my heart literally aches for a baby & I see other women pregnant or those that have children...I get so sad. I am always happy for them, but I get sad thinking that I just want to be pregnant, have a healthy delivery & be a mommy. ;o) Hang in there...and I hope you figure out the right words to explain to your babygirl the answer she is looking for...you've gotten some good ideas so far. ;o)

Savanha

[adgal]

I am an only child.  When I asked about siblings, my parents used to tell me that anyone could be a sibling.  All my little playmates, friends at school, my cousins (who I am quite close too), all were siblings.  As I got older, and could better understand, they explained to me that my mom kept miscarrying, and they had decided to just leave it at one..me.   It was honestly just fine growing up an only child.  My parents were always great about me having playdates, a friend or cousin accompanying us on family vacations when I was a bit older, making sure I was very involved in activities, that sort of thing.  Our house was always the "hangout" in high school.  Everyone was welcome over.  I always had and still do friends and family members who are as close to me as any brother or sister could be.  I hope that helps a bit, and I am sorry your having a "blue" day.  Hang in there honey, its not over yet, it can still happen!!

[IsabelleCanada]

Hi! well my son was 3 and a half years old when he asked... I said that we should ask God because he's the one who decides these kinds of important things... we went to a beautiful cathedral and told my son that it was God's place, and we prayed and we lit candles...

I'm not really religious and we don't go to church... but I do believe in God and I'm trying to teach my son about His love and how we can behave in a way that will honor Him and make Him happy...

Turns out without knowing it, we went to the cathedral called St-Anne-de Beaupre... St-Anne is the saint of all infertiles!!! I learned it there while reading the different stories... if I remember correctly, Anne was Marie's mother and she cold not bare children and I don't know what happened, I think a miracle or something and then she became preggers with Marie!!!

I asked my son if he was praying for a brother or a sister, he said sisters! I said how many are we talking about here? He said 2 sisters! This is a true story.

[smr08]

I agree with Tricia. Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to say to someone so young. I'm sorry that your feeling sad and I hope tomorrow sunshine will find all of us.

                                                     Lori

[SoCalTricia]

{{{Lisa}}} I'm sorry you're feeling sad today. Seems a lot of sadness is going on in this group today! I can understand how that situation could make you feel blue.

I can't remember how old Chloe is...but I think honesty with as little detail as possible is probably the most appropriate thing to say. Something like, "I'd love to give you a little brother or sister. Some mommies can have more babies than others. If I can have more, I will."

Tricia