When will it stop?

[wanting4#1]

I just hate the mood swings. I hate feeling like everything is just fine and then the next day, CONVINCED that the baby is no longer with me. I hate being pleasant and sweet one second and then the devil re-incarnated the next. I hate that EVERY argument is my fault, because of hormones.  I hate worrying. I hate being nervous. I hate being scared.

This is ridiculous. I wanted to love every second of my pregnancy and I'm not because of all these other stupid emotions.

I thought once I would be through the first trimester and see the baby and get the NT results back, that would be ENOUGH for me. But oh, no...not for this little psychotic angel! Nope. Not ONE day...not one freakin' day after the u/s did I start to get nervous that it was over. And NOW? Heaven, itself, can't help me and my completely irrational fears that 'I'm just not pregnant anymore'.

Oh, and does it help that DH and I got into the fight of a lifetime last night and he left for the entire evening? The big fat answer to that question would be NOPE!! I swear, all we seem to do anymore is fight. We don't do things together, because well..I'm tired, edgy, flipping from hungry to nauseated and can't drink.  Pretty much wiped out our 'commonalities'!

I wish I could just leave for a few days. a few weeks. something.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't lose my marriage, but I can't lose my baby, either. I feel like I have no control over anything right now and that is a pretty sucky position for this Type-A personality/control freak/psychowoman/independent chic!

I'd be lost without being able to type it out to you guys. Thanks, again, for 'listening'!

[Schtroumpfette]

Ha!  Add me to the list too!  I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have spent an awful lot of this pregnancy feeling very sad, anxious, moody and like I have absolutely no control over my mind.  However, for me, this finally plateaued out a week or two ago and I have been feeling much more like my normal self again - thank God.  I just hope it lasts...  And hopefully things will settle down for you too.

[wanting4#1]

Thanks, everyone, for the great support and advice.  I had decided that when I got back home on Sat. morning, I was just going to act as though nothing was wrong (since fussing about the fight from the night before would only prolong it) and to treat it as though it were 'just' a fight. (Instead of feeling like every fight is the beginning of the end for us). It took about an hour, but he softened and came around. Then, awhile later, I said are we just going to act like last night didn't happen or should we talk about it? He told me that he's looking into anger management classes for both of us (I was thrilled that he took ANY step of ANY kind) and since our problems are not COMPLETELY about the pregnancy, I'm for that class) I also told him that I was sorry for my part in the argument and he apologized for his part.

We then had a wonderful rest of the weekend. I have told him many times (especially during the calm moments) that my hormones are running amok. I think he understands it until he's angry too and then he doesn't think about them, he just thinks about how he's feeling.

I'm going to try to plan some 'date nights' and things that will make us laugh together. I think that's a big component (plus we aren't having sex and that definitely impacts our 'connectedness' - btw, it's only in part due to my concern about the baby, he has a disk bulge in his back, so we're kinda stuck right now ;) )

Thanks, again, everyone!
Lisa

[SoCalTricia]

I'm with Pam...I, too, could have written your post. I swear, there were times during my pregnancy I thought I would end up divorced. And I was also SO disappointed that it wasn't the blissful, happy pregnancy I had envisioned. Especially knowing it was my last. I sympathize with you and have NO advice, other than to recognize that it IS hormonal, and it WILL end. And if you can convince your husband to have the patience of a saint and coddle you like you need, things will go much more smoothly. You should NOT be held responsible for your behavior during this time! LOL. Anyway...about two weeks after I had the baby, things went back to normal. Woo hoo!

Tricia

[rubyinparadise]

P.S. I can completely empathize with how you feel. If I have five consecutive minutes where I don't *feel* pregnant I start to despair. The rest of the time, I'm too busy being sick or crazy to worry about that. I keep telling myself-- "if the pregnancy had ended, you wouldn't be such a crazy nutbar!" :)

[rubyinparadise]

I'm sorry that you're going through this! I'm still early on so I've only had one big fight with my DH. ;) After that I just flat-out told him I'm a little bit crazy right now, and that helped. We were able to laugh about it a bit. I think that most men tend to carry the weight of things like arguments really heavily on their shoulders, even if they don't admit it openly. Just taking responsibility for my own volatile emotional state has helped somewhat. I know it's tough though. I hope that things even out for you really soon! When you are able to pull back and look at the bigger picture, just think-- it's all for a good cause-- bringing your child into the world. :)

[sherrysb]

I could have written your post myself. I said things I wouldn't have normally said, I cried when I felt super guilty for saying certain things, nothing was good enough for me and to top it all off, I have accused my husband of cheating.  I KNOW full well that's not the case. There is HOPE.....the 2nd trimester.  My hormones calmed down quite a bit. I'm more on charge of them.  

[Tanker Chic]

You mean they are supposed to stop???

Just kidding.. mine stopped in the early part of the second trimester... Mine were really bad in the first trimester.. i was down right mean

[tatorbug40]

Seriously,  my kids are 4 1/2 years and 19 months....  I still have those types of feelings, worries, and mood swings.....  still waiting for my hormones to level out,  but ever since I had kids, I CAN NOT watch scary movies, once my favorites, and I cry at EVERYTHING!

:)  welcome to motherhood!

[adgal]

I'm with you.  I seem to have two emotions right now...angry or depressed!  I cry at the drop of a hat or am mad over something incredibly stupid.  It has been hard on Warren, but I am trying to help him understand it's not really me....it's the hormones.  I bought him two books that were helpful...What to expect in your pregnancy for the Dad to be and another called So your going to be a Dad.  They seem to help him understand it's not really him I'm upset with.  I also try to help him feel involved.  I think it's a bit hard for men as right now this baby is just a nice idea.  I don't think it's quite real yet.  Having him come to all my ultrasounds, OB appointments, listening on the Doppler together all help him feel a part of the process.  And then plan some date nights. I keep reminding both of us that these last few months are the last time we will be a couple and not a family.  So I plan little date nights, even just going out for ice cream or a walk, etc.  It helps him feel appreciated and take my mind off of the stress that has surrounded this time.  

I am so much like you....my primary and sometimes only focus has been this pregnancy and thinking about all the things that can go wrong. We have had a tough path getting this far and I think it's natural. But it's not healthy to allow the fear to take over.  We need to do what we need to do for reassurance that things are ok this time, but to not let it be the only thing, know what I mean?  We are in second trimester now, chances are things are fine.  And I know what you mean, so many days I don't feel pregnant at all...it's scary.  I guess that's why they call this trimester the honeymoon phase.  But we are only a few weeks away from feeling movement and that will be our constant reassurance.  Keep taking it one day at a time and it's going to be fine.  XOXO

[PamelaBee]

Wow!  I could have wrote this myself!!  I felt the same way through this pregnancy...my hormones were all over the map.  I felt so guilty after my demonic episodes...then would feel so needy and vulnerable. It was a rollercoaster.  Just ride with it...you will notice they come and go in spurts, just be mindful that they are hormones and are invading your body with 50 different personalities!  My marriage sustained this, and believe me I was WICKED!!!  If you find yourself battling it out with your hubby...try to be by yourself, take a walk, go in another room, whatever it takes to avoid the fighting...you'll get through this, cause the end result is a precious beautiful baby waiting to be in your arms!  Best wishes!  Pam

[kele1129]

Oh I remember exactly what you are talking about. I felt like everything was my fault, if something went wrong I "knew" it was from something I did or said. I too worried about the baby. My baby is now 5 months old and the happiest kid around. He rarely cries or fusses only when he is super sleepy.

I know it is hard but try not to blame yourself for everything, do things that calm your body and mind. Do some pregnancy yoga, long walks with the husband (to use as couple time as well), read those books you have been wanting to read. I still do these things as it really does help.

[BabyBlue07]

Hormone does that to your moods...  Only thing you have to do is try to control it the best you can... First thing you have to do is talk it out with you dh... Both of you want the baby, but he doesn't expect you change and he doesn't understand that hormone did that to you...

Yes, being pregnant is scary moment since we are thinking is my baby doing okay in there.. is something wrong with the baby... etc... With all those thinkings will make your moods change to worst... You have to be relax and share the precious moment with your dh.. don't have an attitude, don't be bossy, don't think baby all you have... you still have your dh next to you... both of you share the baby, not only you will have the baby... Maybe that why he feels inferior and upset when he feels left out... Men always act like a baby when coming to sharing...

I was in your shoe one time during our TTC.. my dh told me he didn't want a baby anymore since I changed... He wanted my oldself back... When I realized how my moods and attitude can change our relationship.. i have to take things and do things easy and involved him in the process.. When I got pregnant... The hormone hit me more and I got cranky, tired, moody, morning sickness, etc... I let my dh know that I am not feeling well during this time... if he saw me cranky, get atttitude, bossy... just remind me then i will snap out of it... we have to communicate with our dh for hiim to understand... we can't do it alone...

I know it's so hard to control the mood... I can't do that.... so everytime when i knew my moods going to change, i told my dh that 'I am not feeling well, don't take too personal if i snap at you or bossy with you. but for better, you leave me alone for awhile then i will be fine."

Communication is the best in the relationship... You don't want to loose your baby as well as your dh...

Good luck to you and wish you all the best... You will be in my thoughts and prayers....

Linn