Coping With a Second Loss at 36

[hyjdan07]

I am feeling really really down. A week ago I was anticipating going into my second trimester without a hitch. Then it happened. I started spotting. Immediately I went to the ER. After an ultrasound was completed I saw, and it was confirmed then that there was no fetal heart tone and the embryo was only measuring 9weeks. How devastating is that? Needless to say  I was given a D&C three days ago, I  keep wandering what did I do wrong. The only thing that the the doctors continually said was I was past maternal age and that played a big part in the loss. I know that I can get pregnant, but now ,since I have suffered two losses in the past year I wonder if what they are saying is indeed true in my case. I have four healthy children. I was 30 when I had my last child. Is there anyone that has suffered two miscarriages and went on to carry a baby full term? I really need some encouragement and prayers.

[montie2]

I was 39 when I had my last child 3 months ago.  I was the one thinking I was too old and my doctor was the one who kept telling me that I was NOT too old.  I had a miscarraige at age 36 and one at 24 and 3 healthy kids in between and after.  You might want to find a dr. who is a little more positive and encouraging.  I know the loss is awful and I had a D & C with my last miscarraige which is the icing on the cake.  Take time to heal and then think about trying again.  I really thought the door was closed for me but to my surprise, there were still some good eggs left.  36 is still very young.  Hang in there, it will get better.  

[sinster]

you did nothing wrong. its not your fault i know i suffered 7 of those. dont give up hope.i have two other healthy kids. and after 7 disapointments i am almost 6 months now so dont give up the faith and keep strong. if you need to talk. let me know.

[maybebaby29]

Agreed. 36 being too old for a maternal age (especially if you had kids too) is utterly ridiculous and short sighted. What kind of doctor wouldn't open his mind? I'm sorry for your loss. Consider another doctor though .This guy/gal seems like an utter yo yo.

[flowersRus]

My sis had 2 miscarriages but has 4 healthy happy kids. Her last was born when she was 41. I'm 43 and am trying to get pregnant again. I had a miscarriage in Dec 06. I'm really scared that my eggs are all dried up or are old and damaged...but my OB said that as long as I have eggs there's no reason to think I can't have a normal pregnancy and a normal baby.

I think your Dr is an idiot to tell you that your miscarriage was due to maternal age. Women are having babies well into their 40s now and at 35 you're still very young.

Miscarriages are absolutely horrible things to go thru. Until I had one I had no idea how much depression goes along with it. The hormones are in overdrive and it can be very very hard both physically and emotionally. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.

Good luck and as soon as you've had a normal period get back on that horse : ) and try again!!

[hyjdan07]

Thanks to all of you for your  encouraging words.

[prevatt77]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel.  I have had 4 miscarriages and now I'm 8w3d and hoping everything is just fine.  Did you have them test the tissue of the miscarriage, that would have told you more if it was a chormosone defect.  I went to an RE my last year of trying and my doctor told me that based on my age that it was just bad luck and I wasn't getting a good mature egg.  He told me not to give up and I didn't and I pray every day that this one will be a success.

So, please don't give up, I know it very hard for you, but it will happen, you're still very young.

[carpediemforlife]

Wow you strike a cord w/many women on this site.  I have had 2 m/c and w/my last in Jan and I am 35.  My doc did discover w/my last preg that my progestrone was low and when we found out we were preg again he put me on a progestrone supplement and baby aspirin.  I am now 14 wks into my 3rd preg and I feel pretty good. :-) You can do this....get w/an RE and see if you cant determine the source of your issues.

[40smama]

I agree - 36 is young for a dr to say that maternal age has anything to do w/your m/c's.  As said above, many, many women older than 36 go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies.  I think you should talk to your dr about investigating different reasons for the m/c's.  Putting it to maternal age seems like laziness to me.  Good luck!

[peachsnapple]

I believe there is plenty of hope for you.  I lost 2 pregnancies last year after seeing fetal heart beats.  I had two D&Cs in Feb and July.  I had no children (can you imagine how I felt?) , and I was 38.  I am now 39 and my baby is due in 6 weeks.  Keep trying and if you need peace of mind, seek help from an RE.  Hang in there though,  I have a feeling you will be blessed with another child. I was just at advanced maternal age and my egg quality wasn't as good (had testing done on the last pregnancy loss).

[valleybabes]

Yes, thirty six is very young!  There has to be other reasons besides the "maternal age" thing!   That upsets to know that was the reason given to you.  There are so many mature aged woman carrying babies to term.  I for one am carrying into my third trimester at age 38 and doing fine. My own mother carried me to term in her 40's.  I am so sorry that your having to go through all the heart ache, but please don't give up it will happen for you.  God Bless You!

Delma

[adgal]

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I understand all to well how it feels to m/c, I have had 2 in the last 6 months.  I honestly don't buy that whole "past maternal age" stuff.  Yes, it can be tougher on us older moms, but there are soo many examples of women here who have carried full term in late 30's and all through their 40's.  I am now 7W3D with pregnancy #3, and so far so good.  Many of us have been where you are, and are here to support you if you need us.  Take care, and don't give up.  36 is really still quite young.

[LisaRG]

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I have had 2 miscarriages myself after one healthy  pregnancy which is my DD.  I was 40 when I concieved her and 41 when I gave birth.
Not all eggs are past their due date!  Your are only 36, if you have the energy  and spirit- dont give up.