Aa
Dealing with negative people
I haven't been on in awhile because I have been really sad about some of the reactions I am getting from the news of my pregnancy, especially from my own family. My oldest son took it pretty well considering he is 19 and probably grossed out lol, however after hearing my parents reaction I am scared to tell the younger two. I think my daughter who is 12 will probably be happy but my 16 y/o son (who hates everything and everyone right now including my husband) will freak out and I just cant take much more nastiness. Has anyone had any bad reactions to your happy news? And if so how do you deal with it I am sooo stressed out I can't even enjoy being pregnant which is sad cause I know this is my last one ever:( Thanks!
We are very happy for you! a baby is a blessing planned or unplanned your first or your tenth! all the best. The family will come around especially your sons when they realize how much girls like it when big brothers take kids to the park
Congrats to you all!!
Congrats to you all!!
Thank you for your advice. I am most certainly
going to stay in school. I'm pre-med so I have
quite a long road ahead of me. Which is why I'm
glad I'm having a baby now, because while in
med school I wouldn't be able to spare the time
for a baby. And I know it would be so much easier
if we waited till I was done with school and
established in my own practice, but that's going
to be quite a few years. I feel like there would
always be a reason it would be inconvenient.
I know my mother will come around, she's already
gotten better. Part of her fear I think is that
it was so hard in august when we lost the first
baby, I think she's afraid it will happen again.
I know it had to be hard on her seeing my husaband
and I go through all the pain of it. I'm sure
it will all work out. Now the only thing I'm
worried about is losing the baby again. But there's
not much I can do about that. Thank you again everyone
for your generous input. I apoligize on trespassing
into your forum. I wish you all luck and I know eventually
everything will work out for everyone. Your children
are lucky to have such wonderful mothers like you.
Good luck ladies and God bless, Jill
going to stay in school. I'm pre-med so I have
quite a long road ahead of me. Which is why I'm
glad I'm having a baby now, because while in
med school I wouldn't be able to spare the time
for a baby. And I know it would be so much easier
if we waited till I was done with school and
established in my own practice, but that's going
to be quite a few years. I feel like there would
always be a reason it would be inconvenient.
I know my mother will come around, she's already
gotten better. Part of her fear I think is that
it was so hard in august when we lost the first
baby, I think she's afraid it will happen again.
I know it had to be hard on her seeing my husaband
and I go through all the pain of it. I'm sure
it will all work out. Now the only thing I'm
worried about is losing the baby again. But there's
not much I can do about that. Thank you again everyone
for your generous input. I apoligize on trespassing
into your forum. I wish you all luck and I know eventually
everything will work out for everyone. Your children
are lucky to have such wonderful mothers like you.
Good luck ladies and God bless, Jill
no we are not different, its just i have different views now at 38 than i did at 21. i dont think its the end of the world to have a baby with all you have going on, i just know from parenting exp that it is going to be rough. only you and your dh can choose what is best for your family. its just that when a baby comes along it can multiply the workload tremendously. i guess what im saying is if you want my honest opinion, finish school first.
if you choose to have a child now and your dh is making a good income, consider dropping your job and stay in school. it can be done, and many women your age can do it. im just saying its not easy. down the road with experience and time you may just think back and say "wow it would have been easier to have given it a few years". you do what you and dh feel is best and congrats on giving it much thought rather than just jump in feet first!
if you choose to have a child now and your dh is making a good income, consider dropping your job and stay in school. it can be done, and many women your age can do it. im just saying its not easy. down the road with experience and time you may just think back and say "wow it would have been easier to have given it a few years". you do what you and dh feel is best and congrats on giving it much thought rather than just jump in feet first!
As the mother of a daughter not much younger than you, I can tell you with almost certainty that your mother's reaction is out of fear. Having a child is a HUGE deal...and even thought it sounds like your life is in a good place, it is scary for a mother to see her little girl take on such enormous and life-altering responsibilities. I would almost guarantee that her reaction is just that knee-jerk response of wanting to protect your baby from anything difficult. I am SURE she will come around. I was 21 when I got pregnant with my daughter, and my mom's first reaction was very negative. I wasn't married, was still in college - my mom actually wanted me to get an abortion. Well, I didn't...and that little girl has been the light of my mother's life for 19 years now. Hang tight, hon...she'll come around.
And taiyasmom...same advice, actually. YOU are sure of your decision, right? When your family sees your excitement and happiness, they will come around. It makes no difference how old your other children are...if this is what you and your husband want, then be happy about it! Family support is very important - but when they see that you are happy and sure of what you're doing, they will be happy FOR you. My husband and I are saving money to have my tubal reversed so we can have another baby...IF we are blessed and get to have another child, my oldest will likely be 20 or 21 by the time that baby gets here. My son will be 11 or so. I will be pushing 43. And there may be people that think my desire to have another child is ridiculous...but my husband and I know what is best for our family, and that is what we're shooting for. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy...stop stressing and allow yourself to experience every beautiful day of that baby's development. It is truly a gift.
Tricia
And taiyasmom...same advice, actually. YOU are sure of your decision, right? When your family sees your excitement and happiness, they will come around. It makes no difference how old your other children are...if this is what you and your husband want, then be happy about it! Family support is very important - but when they see that you are happy and sure of what you're doing, they will be happy FOR you. My husband and I are saving money to have my tubal reversed so we can have another baby...IF we are blessed and get to have another child, my oldest will likely be 20 or 21 by the time that baby gets here. My son will be 11 or so. I will be pushing 43. And there may be people that think my desire to have another child is ridiculous...but my husband and I know what is best for our family, and that is what we're shooting for. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy...stop stressing and allow yourself to experience every beautiful day of that baby's development. It is truly a gift.
Tricia
Yeah, I looked for a forum similar to this
in the younger moms section and there wasn't
one, so until I get a second to post my own
question, whenever I get to a computer (I'm
on my Blackberry). It looks like you guys are
the only help for me. I can't imagine were
Really all that different. If it helps at all
my husband and I aren't your typical twenty-
year olds. If you have any advice or
insight, even though I'm younger, it would be well
appreciated.
in the younger moms section and there wasn't
one, so until I get a second to post my own
question, whenever I get to a computer (I'm
on my Blackberry). It looks like you guys are
the only help for me. I can't imagine were
Really all that different. If it helps at all
my husband and I aren't your typical twenty-
year olds. If you have any advice or
insight, even though I'm younger, it would be well
appreciated.
Uhh...yeah, I didn't see that this was a 35 plus forum...oops
I hope you ladies won't begrudge me your help.
I hope you ladies won't begrudge me your help.
i let it be known i was ttc so my family had quite some time to be happy lol. boy i was a sucky teen, i feel for you with your son i know how teens can be. i dont know how to change a persons attitude, but with time it will all work out.
hi there. im sorry you have some issues right now but this forum is for us older moms lol. check out the forums for women your age. they might be more insightful to dealing with issues as younger moms. good luck!
Okay, I need some help ladies. I am 21 years
old, I have been married for one year, two months.
I've been with my husband for three years, he's
23. In august, right before our one year anniversary
we had a miscarriage. When we got pregnant
that time everybody seemed almost angry at first
then they got better. My mom even got me a card and
flowers to say sorry for having a bad reaction.
We'll, yesterday I found out I am pregnant again.
We were not trying, we thought we were even being
careful. Apparently not. I was soo happy yesterday.
Today I told my mother, she was very disapproving.
She said that I was being irresponsible and that we
have enough problems, and now we have one more problem.
I just don't get it. Is it because I'm so young? I mean
I'm married at least. Nowadays that's pretty good. :) I'm
married to a wonderful man, who has a great job. Which
is important these days. I have a part time job, I
take care of my elderly gramma, and I'm in college part-time.
We both have health insurance, we have a goood savings
account, we have good stocks, and we have bonds. So it's not
like we dirt poor and living in a shack. I just don't
get it. My mothers opinion is soo important to me.
She's like my best friend. I just need some help,
I don't understand her at all. And I just know that if
she feels that way the rest of that side of the family
Are goinng to be even worse. I could really use some help here.
Any ideas on how to deal? And insight as to why my family is being
so negative?
old, I have been married for one year, two months.
I've been with my husband for three years, he's
23. In august, right before our one year anniversary
we had a miscarriage. When we got pregnant
that time everybody seemed almost angry at first
then they got better. My mom even got me a card and
flowers to say sorry for having a bad reaction.
We'll, yesterday I found out I am pregnant again.
We were not trying, we thought we were even being
careful. Apparently not. I was soo happy yesterday.
Today I told my mother, she was very disapproving.
She said that I was being irresponsible and that we
have enough problems, and now we have one more problem.
I just don't get it. Is it because I'm so young? I mean
I'm married at least. Nowadays that's pretty good. :) I'm
married to a wonderful man, who has a great job. Which
is important these days. I have a part time job, I
take care of my elderly gramma, and I'm in college part-time.
We both have health insurance, we have a goood savings
account, we have good stocks, and we have bonds. So it's not
like we dirt poor and living in a shack. I just don't
get it. My mothers opinion is soo important to me.
She's like my best friend. I just need some help,
I don't understand her at all. And I just know that if
she feels that way the rest of that side of the family
Are goinng to be even worse. I could really use some help here.
Any ideas on how to deal? And insight as to why my family is being
so negative?
Deb,
I am sure he will come around- and didn't mean it.
When I was 17 and 20- my mom had babies. She already had tons of health problems... I was worried about her healthwise. I just told her I was woriied about her health ... but I think she did take it to where I was not being supportive...slightly. Anyhow- So maybe- your son IS just worried about you and he just does not know how to express it.
I am not sure how to help him through this- but maybe you could have all of your kids write a letter to the baby- (or make something else for the baby) and not open the letter- make like a time box or something-maybe this would help him.
But I do think time will help.
I am sure he will come around- and didn't mean it.
When I was 17 and 20- my mom had babies. She already had tons of health problems... I was worried about her healthwise. I just told her I was woriied about her health ... but I think she did take it to where I was not being supportive...slightly. Anyhow- So maybe- your son IS just worried about you and he just does not know how to express it.
I am not sure how to help him through this- but maybe you could have all of your kids write a letter to the baby- (or make something else for the baby) and not open the letter- make like a time box or something-maybe this would help him.
But I do think time will help.
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. Told the younger ones and boy did my 16y/o freak!!!! Not speaking to me right now the others were fine I hopehe comes around soon I am so close with my kids and this really hurts. He said some mean things I hope he didn't mean cause it's breaking my heart. Please add us to your prayers! Hope everyone is well and at least I'm feeling good physically :) Thanks again, Deb
All of these people love you, and will become excited for you. In the meantime, don't let it ruin this wonderful time. By the time that baby is born, I bet your entire family is celebrating the new arrival!! Take care.
Your kids aren't really THAT old. My youngest will be 17 the month before I deliver, the middle one will be 18, and my oldest will turn 21 three months later. But I agree with Preciouspg. This is your time, and your pregnancy. Enjoy every second. And congratulations on your new little blessing
My parents were really against me having another baby because my kids are so old. I also think they were afraid I was expect them to babysit which I made clear that I don't. Today was much better I think they are coming around thank God cause we are very close. I am going to tell the younger kids Monday since I'm off work I think I'll relax after that's done. Thanks to all of you for your support I really need it right now. I'm just going to stay positive and enjoy my pregnancy, me and my DH are thrilled!
Remember this is your pregnancy and you already share this joy with your husband. People have all sorts of oppinions on things and our family can be our worst critics, so stand your ground and be 'HAPPY' and 'ENJOY'!!!...Everyone will soon join in because there's nothing more 'SPECIAL' than being pregnant. GOD BLESS.
I'm interested to hear your parents reaction as well...Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
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