I should feel lucky...

Question

I had my baby boy via C-section on Monday, he weighed 9.5lbs so he was a big boy (Alexander Thomas), not as big as they thought but big none the less. The Elective C-section was advised by my Obgyn and I am so glad for my baby's sake that I accepted. It was a beautiful experience, however, in saying this I feel slightly ripped off. I had a birth plan set out with everything I didn't do when I laboured with my 4 other babies. I had great expectations of a vaginal delivery. I can't explain these feelings, I know I needed the C, and I know that it was the safest way and it was my decision. But still, there will be no more babies for me he was my last, as I had my tubes tied at the same time.

Has anyone felt like this? Or should I just suck it up and move on and think myself lucky I have had babies?

adgal · Accepted Answer

I felt and still feel exactly the same way.  Ryder was my first, and depending on how this pregnancy works out, possibly my only.  I so badly wanted a vaginal delivery and all the experiences (good, bad and ugly) that came with it.  So yes, I get it, and I too feel ripped off at times.  The flip side of that is realizing that if I hadn't opted for that c-section, there is a chance he may not be here, or would have had serious complications.  So for that, I am grateful we have the technology we have and that they knew he needed to come by c-section.  So I guess it's a double edged sword for me.  I think I will always have some small regret that he came via c-section.  But at the end of the day, presented with the same challenge and options, I know I would do the same thing.  It ***** when things don't go as planned, especially for something as important as this.  But it does sound to me like you made the best decision for your child (and yourself).  And that is what we do as moms.  So at least you can feel confidant knowing you did do the right thing. Hold onto that.  THis was not elective for no reason.  There was  a valid reason, and it doesn't sound to me like the alternative was a good solution.  (((hugs)), and now I need to check out that beautiful boy close up.  I'm so so happy for you, and so glad you are both healthy and happy!!  xoxo

Super_sally888 · Answer

Hi,

it is quite natural to feel upset at some level when you didn't get the birth experience you wanted, and that in no way takes away from the joy you get from your son.

I think it is necessary to explore and acknowledge how you feel.  Even with some mourning.  Only then can you let it go.  It can take time.  I so understand how you feel!

I didn't have a CS with my daughter, but had a very negative birth experience - very medicalised.  I still to this day get upset thinking about it.  And even cried when I told my new obe about it.  I am now 22 weeks and hoping and planning for a better birth experience wiht this one.

adgal · Answer

I think something is being misunderstood here (if I may speak for you Rmemberme, as well as myself).  It is not that there is any lack of being excited or happy that the child is here.  And of course you are always grateful when the delivery is safe and healthy, regardless of the means of arrival.  This has nothing to do with whether or not you consider it a blessing.  All she is saying, and I feel the same way, is a sense of being a bit cheated out of having a vaginal delivery.  To tell her (or me) that she is wrong to feel that way is not ok.  She is a few days post partum, excited to have and hold her son, but just feeling a bit bummed out that she couldn't have him the way she had hoped.  This is a natural and normal feeling, and not one that should require being defended.

Deg76 · Answer

Agree 100% ivorirose...congrats of ur 4th baby!!!!!

ivorirose · Answer

I am 42, was in labor 21 hours, & dilated to 8 with my 19 year old & had to have an emergency C section. I have a 7 & 3 year old, I have had C sections with all of them, I am pregnant with my 4th & personally, I feel like whatever means the Lord allows the children get to this world and they are healthy is a blessing. We plan, but HE is the best of planners. Contracts & take it as a blessing, not a loss ;))

Deg76 · Answer

Ok first of all u asked the question shud i suck it up..i used ur words..2nd i said no disrespect i wasnt coming across like get over it...u gave 2ways of feeling i commented on how i wud deal with it..thats all didnt mean to hurt u or take anything away from u..

adgal · Answer

Nope, your not alone at all.  I too am grateful every single day for my son.  But feeling grateful has nothing to do with feeling a bit sad that I couldn't have him vaginally.  It doesn't change how lucky I feel one single iota.  One has nothing to do with the other.  

Deg, I'm sorry your struggling and feeling badly.  I don't wish that on anyone, and I hope that soon we are celebrating your BFP.  But RmberMe's situation just doesn't have an impact on yours. Let's please try to support each other based on their personal situations.  is.

RmberMe69 · Answer

Thanks A, your comment has made me feel better, am glad that I am not the only one feeling like this. 

And to Deg, I am totally aware that I am lucky in regard to being able to have children in the first place, and that is what has bothered me. That I should feel this way, while many women have so much trouble falling pregnant in the first place. Its easy for someone to say "suck it up" and move on you have children be happy with that. I lost a baby last year and I know the pain of losing a pregnancy, but does that mean that because I have children already I shouldn't feel the pain and sadness of a miscarriage? Your comment kinda hurt me, but I guess you have a reason to be bitter. Take Care.

adgal · Answer

Ok, so you know he is absolutely perfect right?  Omg, huge congratulations.  What a gorgeous little boy you have.  Give him extra snuggles from me!!

And don't feel guilty for feeling the way you feel.  It's natural I think, and it certainly does not mean you don't feel lucky, or happy or anything else. It's how you feel, and no need to ever apologize for it!  xo again.

Deg76 · Answer

I wud suck it up if i was u..no disrespect tho...im not sure i can even have kids...i wud take a healthy c-section any day...im in the 2ww and prayin that im pregnant...just know that God gave u a healthy baby boy and God got him here in a safe way..God bless

stacey10 · Answer

Its a hard one as I know you were abit dissapointed that you had to have a c-section, but I would try and change the way I percieve the whole experience if I could, and turn it around to a positive one. Just keep on telling yourself that you experienced a new way of giving birth that alot of people dont, you have had both natural births which alot of people cant and also ac-section which is another totally different experience,  you have a wonderful healthy baby boy :) and as your c-section was planned  you were able to experience his birth without any dramas (emergency c-section if you had chosen to try and deliver vaginally) just think of the wealth of information you now have on both birthing ways that you can offer people :) congratulations :)

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