Post-Partum Depression Has Kept me Away :-(

[HeathJo]

I am so sorry I have been so MIA. I have been struggling with a very severe case of post-partum depression.  Trust me when I tell you it is paralyzing. The meds are just starting to kick in, thank God, but I am still on shaky ground. Only benefit is I cannot eat, literally, hardly at all, so I have already lost all pregnancy weight plus a few more pounds, and still losing. It is so hard being literally afraid of your babies, worried that you are not good enough to be their mother or take care of them. I was actually avoiding my own children, and then the guilt would kick in, then panic, and then crying spells. I truly have improved like 80% in a week's time, but it has taken several weeks to even begin truly bonding

The babies are getting so big: Henry is 8 lbs 2 oz, and Cadence is 7 lbs 7 oz. as of a week ago, and since they grow 1-1 1/2 oz. a day, they are surely bigger than that by now. They both have acid reflux and colic, though, so it has been a struggle for their little bodies. They scream for hours sometimes, and only clinging to Mommy helps--no one else. I love them sooooo much, but it can be exhausting with two little monkeys needing you to hold them super close. Otherwise they are in perfect health, and it seems lately they get upset around the same time every evening, so at least I can sort of prepare.

Adding to the mix is the fact that I have had several insurance coverage battles to fight as well, and I can go into that another time, but suffice it to say they almost had ZERO coverage because of a company-wide mistake Humana made saying they could be covered under my policy, whic turned out to be false. DH has United, and I got them covered 10 minutes to 5pm on the last day the would have been eligible. The UNited denied covering their RSV shots, which they must have every month for 6 months or they could literally die if they catch a cold, and I had to appeal that. We had to pay out-of-pocket, and they cost like $1800 each. I just got word that we won the appeal, so thank God for that. But, there is still more **** like that I have on my desk to handle, like a $4k hospital bill. AAARGH!

Nonetheless, I am blessed and I know it. I am starting to feel the infusion of love and almost the emotional high of being a mom. GIven my 3 weeks on hospital bed rest with pre-eclampsia (average bp was 186/101), and the twins being born at 33 weeks, I am so grateful we all made it through.The twins are not developmentally behind in any way, and are growing like weeds. I posted some new pics.

Please know I love and have missed you all. I will do my very best to be a better mate, please bear with me and know how much I love and support each of you!!!!

XXXOOO

Heather Jo

[pcarsey]

Gosh Heather that just stinks that you are having (or have been having) such a rough start with your beautiful babies. I so hope the meds work good for you but in no way should you ever feel guilty for feeling so bad after birth. You went through the wringer! Your babies are absolutely beautiful and it is obvious that you love them so much!!

[SamLB]

welcome back! Congratulations for a start and I'm so sorry that you've had such a tough time. It sounds like you've managed to start reining it in a little now thank God. My baby blues were really nothing compared to what you're going through and it cerainly can't be easy coping with 2 right at the start like this. Don't forget we're always here for you - if we could hug you for real, we would!
hang on in there - and let us know how you're getting on!

[Helen72]

So nice to have you back!!!  I am sure things will be getting only better from here.  Your guys look so happy in all pictures.  You did good!

Hugs to you and the twins!!

[40smama]

Heather - I had no idea you were dealing w/this!  Oh hon - I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this but thank God you're on some meds that are helping and I mean that.  PPD's sooooooooo tough to deal with and on top of that to deal w/colicky babies - girl, I don't know how you're doing it but it sounds like you're incredibly strong.

Are you getting some help?  Oh and btw, I'm incredibly sorry that after everything, you're having to fight insurance companies but again thank God you guys won the appeal - some good news but my god why do they have to make a person fight so blank-blank-blank hard?

you take care of yourself - the colic will go away eventually - i promise.  The acid reflux - are the twins on any meds for that?  I read that it too could lessen by one year - let's hope it's sooner!  Hang in there - you're a great mommy! - jen

[HeathJo]

Thanks, sweetie :-)

[adgal]

Oh Heather, I am so sorry to hear you have had such a difficult time of it.  I am glad to hear that you are on meds for the post partum, as I have heard it can be incredibly difficult.  Good for you for seeking help, in my eyes that makes you a very strong woman!!  Hang in there dear lady, all will turn out, I just know it.  And know you were missed, and I think of you often.  Its great to hear from you, and I am very happy to hear the twins are doing well and growing healthy and strong.  I hope momma is feeling better soon too!  I will keep all of you in my prayers.

((((Hugs))))

Amanda