I am so sorry I have been so MIA. I have been struggling with a very severe case of post-partum depression. Trust me when I tell you it is paralyzing. The meds are just starting to kick in, thank God, but I am still on shaky ground. Only benefit is I cannot eat, literally, hardly at all, so I have already lost all pregnancy weight plus a few more pounds, and still losing. It is so hard being literally afraid of your babies, worried that you are not good enough to be their mother or take care of them. I was actually avoiding my own children, and then the guilt would kick in, then panic, and then crying spells. I truly have improved like 80% in a week's time, but it has taken several weeks to even begin truly bonding
The babies are getting so big: Henry is 8 lbs 2 oz, and Cadence is 7 lbs 7 oz. as of a week ago, and since they grow 1-1 1/2 oz. a day, they are surely bigger than that by now. They both have acid reflux and colic, though, so it has been a struggle for their little bodies. They scream for hours sometimes, and only clinging to Mommy helps--no one else. I love them sooooo much, but it can be exhausting with two little monkeys needing you to hold them super close. Otherwise they are in perfect health, and it seems lately they get upset around the same time every evening, so at least I can sort of prepare.
Adding to the mix is the fact that I have had several insurance coverage battles to fight as well, and I can go into that another time, but suffice it to say they almost had ZERO coverage because of a company-wide mistake Humana made saying they could be covered under my policy, whic turned out to be false. DH has United, and I got them covered 10 minutes to 5pm on the last day the would have been eligible. The UNited denied covering their RSV shots, which they must have every month for 6 months or they could literally die if they catch a cold, and I had to appeal that. We had to pay out-of-pocket, and they cost like $1800 each. I just got word that we won the appeal, so thank God for that. But, there is still more **** like that I have on my desk to handle, like a $4k hospital bill. AAARGH!
Nonetheless, I am blessed and I know it. I am starting to feel the infusion of love and almost the emotional high of being a mom. GIven my 3 weeks on hospital bed rest with pre-eclampsia (average bp was 186/101), and the twins being born at 33 weeks, I am so grateful we all made it through.The twins are not developmentally behind in any way, and are growing like weeds. I posted some new pics.
Please know I love and have missed you all. I will do my very best to be a better mate, please bear with me and know how much I love and support each of you!!!!
XXXOOO
Heather Jo